Thursday, December 27, 2007

Fearless Dilettante Football Predictions - Snow Emergency Edition



It's been snowing so much lately that ol' Pandora the computer almost got buried under a drift. But it's Thursday, so neither rain, nor sleet, nor any of those other things that bedevil the postal service can stop the blogger from making his picks. Meanwhile, behold one of the 25,000 quarterbacks who have played for the Lions since they last won an NFL championship.





Green Bay Packers 24, Detroit Lions 14. The Packers are in a foul mood after getting beaten by the Bears, with the added bonus of Nick Barnett getting assaulted by an official. The Lions haven't won in Green Bay since 1991. It probably won't be a very interesting game unless you are a relative of Vernand Morency and/or Craig Nall, but there's no reason to believe the Motor City Kitties will win on Sunday. And for those who want to know why, I'd encourage you to visit http://www.curseofbobbylayne.com/, a loving compendium of the 50 years of humiliation that is Detroit Lions football.

ACTUAL RESULT: GREEN BAY 34, MOTOR CITY KITTIES 13. Let's reprise the words of the old Paul McCartney song "Rockshow," (from Venus and Mars, by the way) which does as good a job of summing up this game as anything else. Best of all, you don't have to actually hear it:

In my green metal suit I'm preparing to shoot up the city
And the ring at the end of my nose makes me look rather pretty
It's a pity there's nobody here to witness the end
Save for my dear old pal and confidant, Madamoiselle Kitty, Kitty KITTY!

Packers wear green, they tend to shoot up the Lions, many of the Lions probably should be sporting nose rings. Substitute Mike Martz for Madamoiselle Kitty and I think it works pretty darned well. You don't suppose that Sir Paul might have, ahem, ingested something before he wrote those lyrics?


Denver Broncos 23, Purple 16. High altitude, low expectations. On the bright side, the Vikings have a lot of cap money and it's probably an even money bet that Donovan McNabb will be taking up residence here next year. The Vikes have had some success with castoff Eagle quarterbacks, if memory serves.

ACTUAL RESULT: BRONCOS 22, PURPLE 19 (OT). I thought of another song, this one by the late great Warren Zevon, that might fit this game. It's called "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead." Tarvaris couldn't win it in the end. Troy Williamson continues his Roberto Duran "Hands of Stone" imitation. And the team with 7, count 'em 7 Pro Bowlers finishes 8-8. The good news? We don't have to think about any of these people again until the spring. I would bet that Mr. Williamson may be looking for a new place of employment soon. Based on the available evidence, he might want to try Detroit....






This feature will return over the weekend for the Bowl Extravaganza!

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