Fearless Maria is here and we've been thinking about what's been happening in Wisconsin.
Of course I know what's been happening! It was my Auntie Margie's birthday, and they had a party and the Packers won the Super Bowl and everyone was celebrating and they had a parade. But then there was this thing about some teachers slacking off to protest. Okay, okay, so maybe it's all everybody's been talking about for a few weeks. But I like to look on the sunny side of life! You can always think of the sunny side, like your eggs! It tastes better than the other side! Though I prefer my eggs scrambled. So what do you think about all this, Dad? Oh, wait, I think you've written about a zillion posts about it in the last week. Don't you think it's time we do something else?
Yes, Maria. Yes I do. That's probably why you're here, right?
Correct. It's my job to be a good daughter and to make sure you're not posting too much about politics, because that will make everyone think you're dull! Speaking of which, do you have my paycheck ready yet?
Paycheck? What paycheck?
What do you mean! I'm saving everybody from the invisible chamber of perpetual boringness! That must be worth something? Or do I have to go out on strike?
No, I don't think you do. We'll negotiate your fee later. But now, there's music to think about. So what should we look at tonight, Maria?
Well, in honor of those senators who have been running around Illinois, why don't we talk about running? Running noses, running in gym class, running on the ice and slipping and breaking something, and of course about the senators--
Yeah, that too, wise guy. Excuse me, there's no time for you to use your smart-aleck comments, even if you were an English major. Why don't you do something useful and pull up the first song? So what if it was a run-on sentence? It's not as if this is going to be graded!
Good point, Maria. We'll start out tonight's festivities with something a little mellow and jaunty, from Sly and the Family Stone:
Well, Dad, I'm afraid to say that I can't really comment on the images, because a color-changing disk doesn't give me a lot to work with! However, I've seen Sly and the Family Stone before and let me tell you, Sly's hair was so big in those days that a squirrel could live in his hair. No wonder they're laughing in the song -- if I had a squirrel in my hair, I bet it would be inspiringly hurtful! Although, at the same time, it might tickle a little. It's a good song, but I'll bet you can do better, right?
Well, I do aim to meet your expectations, Maria. I'll tell you what, we'll go with one of the greatest early rock songs of all and a video with all the bad early 60s imagery that I like. It's Del Shannon!
Now let me ask you something, Dad. He seems like he doesn't approve of running, does he?
No, I don't think he does. He sounds worried.
So why does he have his girlfriends running around the stage, then? Actually, I think they're jogging, but you know what I mean! If any gym teacher was there, I betcha they'd get on the case of girls wearing tight black pants and trying to run in them! That doesn't work well at all! And I'm sure that they could find something more suitable at Dick's Sporting Goods or something like that! Maybe they need to consult with Maria Sharapova on something a little more sensible! But it is a really cool song and I know why you like it so much, Dad.
Why is that?
He's wearing a shirt with a button down collar and a sweater. It's like he borrowed your wardrobe! Maybe that's why the Ghost of Del Shannon was poking around in your closet the other day!
I was wondering who that was. Okay, this is getting spooky, so maybe we should move on to the next song. We'll move up a few years. You'll be able to tell because the film is in color. You want to see some moves, Maria?
Yes, but it's not Benster, is it? Because I've seen plenty of him!
No, it's the Temptations!
So, let me get this straight, Dad. They are looking for the runaway child, who's going wild, but they decide to tell the world this in their frilly collars that look like they cut up a bedskirt? They don't seem pretty convincing. I think it's the shirtmakers who went wild!
Actually, I've seen the Temptations wearing worse.
That's not surprising, Dad. You lived through the 1970s when everybody was at their worst. Even you and your Garanimals! Please tell me, you didn't wear the hippo shirt with the giraffe pants, now did you?
If I did, at least there's no photographic evidence of it.
That's because it's not polite to take pictures of fashion disasters, unless you're a paparazzi. Grandpa Ed wasn't a paparazzi, was he?
No, he was a business consultant, actually.
Well, spotting bad clothes is my business, so you'd better cue up another video, mister!
Okay. Here you go, then -- to the 70s, with Jackson Browne:
Wait, are you sure that's the 70s, Dad? They don't look that ridiculous at all! The lady backup singer looks like she used a few too many of her 64-pack of Crayolas on her outfit, but really, that's not bad. When I want bad 70s, I expect you to step up your game!
I'll try a little harder next time, sweetheart. I hate to disappoint you.
Okay, well, I don't want to lose sight of our theme. It's about running away, right? So maybe we can look at the Beatles?
Hey, it's the Rock Band version of the Beatles! You know, you need to get me that game, don't you, Dad? Maybe you could get me that instead of my paycheck!
You were anticipating a pretty big paycheck, apparently. But if you're going to earn it, you need to critique the song, right?
Okay, well, those aren't really the Beatles on the video, but I will say that the Beatles were mostly well dressed, at least until 1967 or so, then they got a little weird. But I don't think they were as weird as Bootsy Collins. You did see that link I snuck in there, right Dad?
Sure. Everyone loves Bootsy. But he's not part of the contest. So now we return to the late 1970s. I have two from that era for you. First, let's go to 1978 and the debut of a band that made it very, very big. It's Van Halen:
So, David Lee Roth says he lives his life like there's no tomorrow? Well, there's no tomorrow when you're wearing a shirt with no buttons and then everyone starts chasing you and you end up in jail. That's running with the devil, all right! Maybe he should beg and borrow some buttons from Auntie Heidi! I'll bet she can fix him up!
Not a bad idea, Maria. I think a little careful tailoring is in order on that one. Meanwhile, a year later we heard this, from Pink Floyd:
Dad, you know what? That singer is kinda bossy. Telling people to clap before he even starts singing? Doesn't he have to earn their clapping? Next thing you know he'll be stage diving and telling people to catch him. Or maybe he expects the audience to make him a sandwich? I think I'd run, too!
Well, what's happening is we're running out of time for this one, Maria.
That's good news, because I was afraid you were going to break out this one. Or worse yet, this one.
I'm not that mean, Maria. I would never do that.
Thank goodness! Tell you what, people -- vote for your favorite in the comment section. Dad, I bet I know which one Gino is going to pick!
Maybe he'll surprise us, Maria. You heard the young lady -- vote! And no hiding in Illinois, either!