Benster and D Pick Your Games-----LOL Cowboys, Cowboys Fans, And Skip Bayless Edition

I have one simple question to start. How Bout Them Cowboys? Seeing the Packers go into Jerry World and just lay waste to the Cowboys gave me vicarious joy. Oh, we are going to laugh at them later.

Why wait? Let's laugh at them now!

Jerrah and Dak are not happy

I have more to say, but that's a good start, although I'm surprised that Jerry Jones isn't using his giant forehead for advertising space. I also need to offer a sincere apology to the Packers. Earlier this year I called for everyone to be fired. I'm glad that I blew that take, and that's on me for being reactionary to a bad run. 

I don't know why things changed, but things have improved a lot in the ol' 54301.

I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.

Houston Texans (+9.5) vs. Baltimore Ravens The Texans had an equally impressive performance, and I feel like the DeMeco Ryans deserves to be named Coach of the Year. Houston has gone from being a terribly run organization to an organization that nailed their head coach hire, nailed finding the right quarterback, and seems to be steps ahead of where most thought they would be. But this won't be easy in Baltimore. The Ravens are arguably the most complete team in football, and Lamar really seems like a man on a mission to prove the doubters wrong, and I am not surprised that fellow Knox alum Todd Monken has done a great job in changing the offense to better suit Lamar's strengths. I like the Ravens to win a game that is going to be close into midway through the third quarter into a deceptive score. Ravens 35, Texans 17.

I really like Stroud and I believe he and Love will face each other next season, which should be fun. Baltimore will not be fun for the Texans, however. I think the Ravens are simply better top to bottom and will prevail. Ravens 31, Texans 23.

Glorious Green Bay Packers (+9.5) vs. San Francisco 49ers Last week was the best playoff performance the Packers had since the 2010 blowout against the Falcons. Nobody gave this young Packers team a chance, but they played almost a perfect game to be the first 7 seed to win a playoff game. But this won't be an easy trip to the Bay Area on a short week. The Niners have very good reason to believe that they are going to win the Super Bowl, and are going to be very healthy and rested after their bye. But I have been sensing a little bit of nerves among Niners fans. Kyle Shanahan and John Lynch have done a great job the past few years, no question. But they haven't broken through, and if this game gets tight late, there could be some doubts about if another playoff loss is coming. The Packers have nothing to lose. Even if they get blown out, this team has done way more than I could have fairly asked for, and the future is looking bright with more cap space coming. They won't get blown out. Packers 13, 49ers 10.

Oh, they could get blown out, but I don't think they will be, either. Having said that, it's going to take even more to beat the Niners than it did last week. Do they have enough, especially when stopping Christian McCaffrey is the assignment? 49ers 31, Packers 27.

Tampa Bay Bucs (+6) vs. Detroit LOLions Tampa deserves a ton of credit for rebounding after Gisele's ex finally retired. They have a defense that plays, and a win here would really be a strong Ewing Theory case study. I am happy for the Lions and their fans. I've made a lot of jokes about them in the past and am not a big fan of Dan Campbell as an in game coach, but they've validated the hype that they were given. This feels like the type of game that Baker really wants. He would love nothing more than to go to the Motor City and spoil the party. I think that Baker will do just that, with help from a Bucs defense that wants to remind everyone that they want to be remembered as winning a Lombardi trophy as the heart and soul of the team, not Gisele's ex. Bucs 28, LOLions 12.

I'm not sure if Tampa was impressive or if the Eagles were terrible last week, but if I had a guess I would go with the Eagles being terrible. Tampa is a good team but I can see the Lions figuring out how to stop him. This will be a fun game, but I see the Lions moving on. Lions 27, Bucs 20.

Taylor Swift's Football Era Kansas City Chiefs (+2) vs. Buffalo Steakhouse Analogy For the first time, Patrick Mahomes will be playing a true road playoff game. This is the first time that these two teams have played each other in the playoffs since the infamous 13 Seconds sequence two years ago. The Bills need this one, as Mahomes has been the guy who has ruined their playoff dreams in this current era of AFC football. If Buffalo doesn't win, then a lot of questions are going to be asked about the Bills and their core, coaching staff, and front office. When in doubt, pick the desperate team at home. Last time I checked, this game was in Buffalo. Nobody Circles The Wagons Like The Buffalo Bills 50, Too Many Chiefs Commercials 49.

This one will be flat-out hostile. Buffalo's inconsistency really troubles me, but this Chiefs team is not as good as previous editions. The elements will not be a factor, but I think the Bills break through as well. Bills 34, Chiefs 31. 

And now, it's time to dunk on the Cowboys. God, seeing the Cowboys get destroyed after all of the talking they did. All this talk about the Packers being an easy opponent, how they were going to end the curse now that Jimmy Johnson got in the Ring of Honor, all of Skip Brainless talking about how his Cowboys were going to dominate, and they come out like that? It's time to admit that even though the Cowboys may have dominated the Packers in the 1990s, that was against the historical trend. Skip, why don't you just admit that you hate the Packers because the Packers ruined your childhood during the Ice Bowl. Cry more. 

The best part is that Jerry decided to keep Mike McCarthy around. We warned you, Dallas. We told you that he needs high end talent to bail him out of trouble, and that he was a big reason why the Packers didn't get the second ring for Aaron. But you didn't listen, and are doubling down on him. Jerry once again has proven that he learned nothing from March of 1994. 

You want to know what advice I'd give to Jerry? Simple. He won't listen to this, but he has two options. The first one is to get him and Stephen away from football operations and let the professionals do their jobs. You want to know why the Yankees were so good in the 1990s-early 2000s? It's because Gene Michael and Buck Showalter were able to have the time they needed to fix the problems that George Steinbrenner caused with his constant meddling with the front office after he got banned from baseball. The second option I would tell Jerry is one that he would never do, but at this point should be considered. Sell the team. The Cowboys at this point aren't as much a football team but more a vanity brand for Jerry, and he ain't doing a good job as an owner. Even Cowboys fans agree. But Jerry won't sell the team. At this point, he's a liability as an owner, but nobody wants to admit it. I'm dead serious. Coaches and players have changed, but Jerry is the constant since the last time the Cowboys made the NFC title game. 

Enjoy your football this weekend. Also, if you are looking for something to do on Saturday the 20th, go to the Border Battle to watch some high school basketball. It's at Benilde St. Margaret's in St. Louis Park. You'll be glad you did. Ben out. 

Benster and D Pick Your Games-------Packers Haters In Shambles Edition

Remember when everyone said that the Packers were going to be going into the wilderness and that Jordan Love was going to be a massive bust? Pepperidge Farm remembers. 

Certain parts of the Upper Midwest are hotbeds of wishful thinking, especially where football is concerned. 

In other news, I wasn't fired by anyone nor am I announcing my retirement in what will be the craziest offseason of coaching changes that I have ever seen. 

Yeah, it's quite the coaching carousel this year. And the fun is just beginning.

I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.

Cleveland Browns (-2) vs. Houston Texans Big credit to the Texans for being here. I always liked CJ Stroud at Ohio State, and he was able to help turn around a frankly awful Texans team into division champions. The Browns have been up and down all year, but somehow Joe Flacco was able to come out of the wilderness and take the Browns to January football. Don't forget that Flacco is a Super Bowl winning quarterback, which is something that few other teams have. The Browns have a defense that will play well, and are a sleeper team to watch. Don't be surprised if they make a deep run. Browns 21, Texans 10.

I sure enjoyed watching Stroud this year in the few chances I had to see him. The Texans are in their customary playoff spot - first game of Wild Card Weekend. They are at home. But the Browns are better. That's a sentence I haven't had to type in a long time. Browns 24, Texans 20.

Miami Dolphins (+4.5) vs. Taylor Swift Eras Tour Kansas City Chiefs This game shouldn't be on Peacock. It's not the NFL's fault that Comcast failed at creating a streaming service that nobody asked for, and whoever came up with this idea should be ashamed of themselves. Also, the weather in Kansas City is going to be awfully cold, and I wouldn't attend that game if you paid me. The Chiefs have issues with catching balls, and this is the type of weather that is going to cause drops. So while the Dolphins are going to be wishing that they could go back to South Beach, this is a game that they are going to win. The worst thing is that Mahomie has a contract that is going to be a big hinderance to keeping talent, and the Chiefs front office has to nail every pick in the draft going forward. Dolphins 60, Chiefs 34.

Somewhere a songstress is distressed:

Dammit, Benster!

Keep it up and she might write a song about you, pal. As for the game, I'm not buying what you're selling. Both of these teams are inconsistent, but the Chiefs have a track record of winning in Kansas City at this time of year. I suspect that continues, even though I have my misgivings. Chiefs 27, Dolphins 24.

Pittsburgh Yinzers (+9.5) vs. Buffalo 13 Seconds The Steelers being here amazes me, and can only be described as Mike Tomlin having some sort of luck modifier. The Steelers offense is a mess, no TJ Watt, and they win games thanks to their stars bailing them out after giving the Yinzers heart attacks every other week. But they got in, and that's all you can ask. This game is going to be in awful weather as well, and should be a good old fashioned rock fight. As for the Bills, it's clear that Sean McDermott needs to just let the Bills play. They have all the weapons, but for some reason there is something off about the Bills this year. Josh Allen needs this one, or there are going to be some uncomfortable questions asked about if the Bills core is the right one, or if their steakhouse menu needs to be changed. Never forget the steakhouse metaphor. Bills 7, Steelers 6.

It's more of a wings joint, but that's okay. Bills should win easily. It won't be easy. Bills 24, Steelers 20.

Glorious Green Bay Packers (+7) vs. Dallas How Bout Them Cowboys The Packers being here is the best coaching and management job that this organization has done in my time being a fan of the team. Jordan Love answered every single question asked of him and more, this team is young and only going to get better, and no matter what happens on Sunday this season has been a success by all reasonable metrics. The Cowboys have all of the pressure on them. If they don't make the NFC title game and end that drought, Jerry will make changes. I've sensed a little bit of nerves from Cowboys fans and their media enablers, but regardless this will require the Packers to play their best game of the year. But you know that I am a delusional homer and back the Packers no matter the odds. Packers 33, Cowboys 23.

About two months ago, we were ready to fire everyone. Things have changed pretty substantially and you do have to give credit to the Packers for sticking with their plan. The reward is probably going to be a short visit to the playoffs, but I like the Packers to make the Cowboys nervous. Cowboys 31, Packers 27.

Los Angeles Rams (+3) vs. Detroit LOLions The funny thing about this game is that Matthew Stafford will be playing quarterback at the first playoff game at Ford Field. Little did anyone guess that he will be making his return to Detroit as the visiting quarterback. The Lions are good, and deserved to win the division as they were the most consistent team in the NFC North. However, the next step is that they need to win a playoff game, and that has been a challenge. My issue with Dan Campbell is that while I get why he does things the way he does, his coaching style costs the Lions at times. People want to complain about the Cowboys ending a couple weeks ago, but Campbell left points on the board by being aggressive, and that is going to come back to haunt him against a team in the Rams that have a Super Bowl pedigree and are looking to spoil the Lions getting their moment. Oh well, you at least have Michigan? Rams 21, LOLions Gonna LOLions 0.

It's easy to forget the Rams won the Super Bowl fairly recently. They have done a nice job of retooling and this will be a tough one for the Lions. But I do think they have it in them to win. Lions 35, Rams 28.

Philadelphia Eagles (-3) vs. Tampa Bay Bucs Honestly, the Eagles are looking like the Phillies last fall. If you remember, the Phillies were talking a lot of stuff about how they were going to overcome losing the World Series, and ended up losing to a D-Backs team that was young and hungry after a collapse that looks obvious in hindsight but was ignored by the baseball community. The Eagles collapse is real, and honestly I think that this team can't fight their way out of trouble. The Bucs are hungry, and are a team that I feel is getting overlooked. They have a quarterback in Baker Mayfield who is looking to prove the doubters wrong, a defense that will play well on any stage, and are looking to prove that they didn't win their ring by just getting Gisele's ex and his merry band of football mercenaries who all somehow fit under the salary cap. Bucs 40, Die Eagles Die 0.

The Eagles are talented but dysfunctional. The Bucs are limited but organized. I tend to agree with your assessment, if not your score. Bucs 24, Eagles 19.

Enjoy your football this weekend. Ben out. 

Benster and D Pick Your Games----Vikings Super Bowl Parade Still On? Edition

 The Vikings played pretty well last week, and are now getting ready to visit the Niners this weekend with the Super Bowl parade very much on, according to the local media and the Vikings fans. Wait, the Giants won? But I was told that the Vikings were going all the way this year. That can't be right. Ed Donatell was going to be different here then he was in Green Bay, and wouldn't be the fall guy for a playoff loss. We Packers fans were told we had an agenda. But the Super Bowl champions gear was on sale at the Vikings Locker Room? You really hate to see it. In all honesty, the Vikings have nothing to be ashamed of, and if they make the right moves then they have a chance to be back.

Wait, you lay out the elaborate cheap shot, and then you pull the punch?

I'm trying to be a nice guy, old dude.

Since when?

Uh, the mid 90s? Also, why haven't the Packers followed the lead of the Vikings and canned Joe Barry as the yearly coordinator sacrifice?

Because our beloved Packers are dumb?

That may be the case. But never mind that -- I am feeling the HYYYPPPPEEEEEEEEEE! and ready to pick the best weekend of football all year, where the top seeds come out to protect their home field. Watch me work.

Jacksonville Jaguars (+9) vs. Kansas City Chiefs Just give Doug Pederson Coach of the Year right now. While it is fair to laugh at the Chargers for melting down, this Jags team showed a lot of character and heart last week down in Florida. Now they have to go to Arrowhead and deal with a Chiefs team that is experienced and rested after their bye week. What the Jags are going to need to do is to avoid the turnovers in the first half, as Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid won't melt down. I'd also look for the Jags to make a play on special teams or defense to set up a touchdown early to try and quiet Arrowhead. But sadly, it won't be enough. Chiefs 38, Jaguars 21.

Somewhere out there, Jack Harry is no longer wondering what's wrong with the Chiefs. 

Things change after a decade. The Chiefs remain the team to beat in the AFC. And crusty old sportscasters fade away. Chiefs 42, Jaguars 27.

New York Giants (+7.5) vs. Philadelphia Eagles Jalen Hurts is going to be pretty healthy after the week off, and the Philly fans are going to be revved up after a long day of tailgating and will be even more annoying and intimidating than usual. The question I have for Philadelphia is this -- can their defense keep Daniel Jones in the pocket and limit his ability to pick up first downs. What really killed the Vikings was giving up those third and mediums, and not being able to get off the field. If the Giants can pick up four 3rd and 4-8 yard conversions throughout the game, then the Giants will win. If not, then the Eagles win. I think the Eagles will win that prop bet, and thus the game. Eagles 21, Giants 20.

Danny Dimes showed the world something last weekend. But now things are different. The Giants won't be intimidated, but their fun stops here. Eagles 31, Giants 17.

Cincinnati Bengals (+5.5) vs. Buffalo Bills So we obviously know what happened last time these two teams met, and thankfully Mr. Hamlin is doing incredibly well,  given what happened to him. I'm not a believer in the Bills. Look, they do have talent and certainly can win the Super Bowl. Lest we forget, this version of the Bills haven't reached the Super Bowl, and if I were the Bengals, I'd feel a little disrespected that people are overlooking the defending AFC champions. The Bills didn't impress me last week, especially given how they struggled against a Dolphins team without Tua. I just feel like Josh Allen hasn't taken the two last steps a quarterback needs to take to be truly elite. He hasn't won a road playoff game in his career, and the Bills have needed to get pieces to elevate him, and he hasn't elevated anyone else. The Bills defense also doesn't get the credit that they deserve at times. It's like going to a steakhouse where they advertise the steaks as the best thing on the menu, but the sides and desserts are the best thing on the menu and need to elevate a decently good steak into a meal that justifies the price and expectations you have. The Bills skill position players, front office, and  Sean McDermott are the sides and desserts. Josh Allen is the steak. He's decently good, but needs those other things on the plate to justify the meal. Joe Burrow has elevated the Bengals in just 3 years, and will show it on Sunday. Now I need to go get some steak. Bengals 45, Brett Hull Scored A Clean Goal 12.

Sounds like you're describing this old favorite:

We had one of those in Appleton and half my high school buddies worked there, along with the cute girl who lived next door to us. She did not appear in this commercial. As for the Bills, I'm not sure I agree with your assessment, but I do understand it. Josh Allen has to prove it. Will he? I think so. Buffalo 34, Cincinnati 31.

Dallas How Bout Them Cowboys (+4) vs. San Francisco 49ers If the Cowboys have sent Gisele's ex into retirement, that would be the first good thing they have done in a long time. The Niners didn't play great last week, but were able to have a dominant second half to win. To continue the steakhouse analogy, the Niners were able to take their three best cuts of steaks in their defense, Kyle Shanahan, and run game and have Christian McCaffery and Brock Purdy be the new wood fire grills and new seasoning mix that head chef John Lynch added as part of a remodel of the restaurant to add a new taste that can bring new customers in, while still offering the old standby options that long term regulars like. 

Wait, what?

That is probably the first time that anybody has made these comparisons, but I'm nothing if not unpredictable. 

No kidding.

The Cowboys do have one big concern on their West Coast road trip on a short week, and that is the kicking game. Brett Maher had a bad game. Because I love the steakhouse analogy now, he is the normally reliable automatic dishwasher in the kitchen that broke down, and the customers noticed it starting fairly early in the dinner rush. I think that the Niners will continue to use their winning formula, and the Cowboys will have another meltdown, and someone will be the scapegoat besides Jerruh Jones. Niners 56, Cowboys 21.

You shouldn't write these features when you're hungry, Seabiscuit. I think the 49ers are the best team on the NFC side, but I think we tend to let our animus regarding the Cowboys and their moronic fanbase color our judgements at times. The Cowboys are legit this year -- very good offense and a much improved defense. But on a short week against the 49ers, this is a tough assignment. San Francisco 31, Dallas 24.

I'm tempted to go get steak sometime soon, and never thought that I would compare NFL figures and teams to steakhouses. Hey, I've done stranger stuff in the past. Also, if you want to watch some good high school basketball this weekend, go to Prescott High School in Wisconsin on Saturday for the Border Battle. You'll thank me later. Ben out.