Friday, December 09, 2011

Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Getting Ready for the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl Edition

You know it's that time of year. The time of year when we start rolling out the crappy bowl games. In recent years we've honored the EagleBank Bowl and the Beef O'Brady's Bowl, but again this year we have some fine new bowl games to mock. Like the tradition-laden Belk Bowl, or the hugely popular Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. First question: what the heck is a Belk? Second question: who cares?

Actually, I know what a Belk is. It's a chain of department stores in the South. Apparently they beat out Herberger's for the honor. And I would like to again acknowledge how much I miss the Bowl.

Old dude, I'm never less than amazed at your command of completely useless information. I don't bother with that stuff, though. Because my job is to pick games with great style and bring the HYYYYYYYPPPPPPE! So let's get down to it. Watch me work:

Minnesota Ponders (NL) vs. Detroit Motor City Kitties. There's no line on this game because no one is certain whether Adrian Peterson and/or Christian Ponder will be able to play in this particular game. We do know that Ndamukong Suh will be watching the game from behind the wheel of his smashed-up car somewhere in mysterious Portland, Oregon. I'll bet Chrysler is thrilled to have him for a spokesman by the way. The Vikings are in total freefall and will get destroyed, I imagine, especially if they end up trotting out Joe Webb or Parsley Sage Rosenfels. Lions 24, Vikings 3.

I dunno. The thing about the Lions is that they are punks. That much has been established in recent weeks, as they seem to be especially good at losing their composure. I saw where Jared Allen said some disparaging things about the Motor City the other day, which is the sort of thing that will get people riled up all over again. I suspect that Allen is trying to mess with the Lions and their fans. Will it work? It could, but given that the Vikings might end up trotting out Alfred Anderson and Spergeon Wynn before the game is over, it doesn't augur well for the Purple. Lions 27, Vikings 14.

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+3 1/2) vs. Denver Tebows. So it's da Bearz versus the quarterback who seems to be the personal emissary of the Lord Himself. Talk about your morality play, good versus evil thing! Yeah, this is gonna be a game with a lot of fervor. The Broncos have been led by their overrated quarterback, but mostly they're really winning because of their defense, which has been mostly outstanding for the last two months. Tebow is decent, but let's face it; you can't win in the NFL long-term playing with a college option quarterback. After all, who could forget the great NFL careers of Jack Mildren and Jerry Tagge, right? Okay, those dudes played in college about 25 years before I was born, but I've seen the footage on ESPN Classic. And from what I can tell, Tim Tebow is exactly like them, except with a better haircut. In fact, Tebow Time will not come this week. Da Bears 21, Tebow Time 17.

Ya know, I was kinda thinking the same thing, but I'm required to disagree with you on at least one game, so I guess I'll have to go with the Broncos. What makes this decision easier is that the Bears are going with Caleb Hanie, who is playing more like Mr. Haney on Green Acres these days. Bears fans all over the world are pining for Jay Cutler right about now. Riddle me this: how many felt that way after the NFC Championship Game last year? Funny how our perceptions can change over the course of a calendar year, huh? Denver 17, Chicago 9.

Oakland Raiduhs (+11) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. The Raiders are coming back to Green Bay in December. The last time they were in Green Bay in December, Leroy Butler invented the Lambeau Leap. This was before I was born, but I've seen the video. The Raiders have been back to Green Bay since then, but it's always been in warmer weather. The early forecast for Sunday is that it's going to be cold. I sat through a cold game at Lambeau last year and it's actually a lot of fun. But not if you're the opposing team. The Raiders are going in without their top offensive threat, Darren McFadden, and that's not a good thing when your only hope to win is to outscore the Packers. Well, that's not gonna happen. Packers 28, Raiders 10.

When we were there that cold December day, the Packers scored 45 points on the Giants. Could they score 45 on the Raiders? They could. But I'll settle for one touchdown less. Packers 38, Raiders 24.

I am really getting excited about that Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, but that's a pick for next week. Ben out!


Gino said...

do they still play the Tangerine Bowl?

W.B. Picklesworth said...

No, it's now the Loreal Fingernail Polish Remover Bowl.