Friday, December 30, 2011

Benster and D Pick Your Games -- New Year's Day Pro Edition

Old dude, the NFL season is about to end. Well, for some teams it is going to end. But not for the team I like.

So you're not rooting for the Jaguars these days?

I think all that Geritol you've been swigging is starting to eat away at your brain, Decrepit! Of course I'm not rooting for the Jaguars. We'll talk about the team that I do like the best soon enough. But first we have to unleash the HYYYYYYYPPPPPPPE! about some other games. Watch me work.

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+1) vs. Minnesota Webb-Footed Ponders. Well, both teams in this stellar matchup are NOT in playoff contention. The Vikings were apparently eliminated in the 3rd week of the preseason and da Bearz took the gas pipe last week up at Lambeau. So neither team has much to play for this week. Da Bearz are now using Josh McCown, best known to Vikings fans for this:

I never get tired of that. It just warms my adolescent heart. But anyway, back to the game. That was a long time ago and the Vikings are a very different team now. They mortgaged the future on He Who Must Not Be Named and then tried to apply a tire patch named Donovan McNabb. Meanwhile, the defense got old and now Adrian Peterson is a client of Dr. James Andrews, which is never a good thing. Da Bearz are playing out the string without Jay Cutler, who always seems to be questioned about his toughness, especially when he's buried underneath about 900 pounds of defensive linemen that da Bearz cannot block. Vikes 17, da Bearz 0.

I don't see it that way at all. I think the Bears see this game as an opportunity to salvage something out of what's been a very disappointing season. In the past many fans, especially Packers fans like me, have attributed any success the Bears have had to luck. Well, this season the Bears had no luck at all. I don't if it's karma or just the way things go, but even an old cynic like me feels a little sympathy for our tattered rivals. Of course, I'm happy to point out that the Packers are 4-0 against da Bearz in the 2011 calendar year, so I suppose I can be magnanimous. As for the Vikings, I wish Adrian Peterson well. Hope he returns to full health soon. Bears 24, Vikings 14.

Detroit Motor City Kitties (-3 1/2) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. So let me get this straight. The Lions haven't won a game in the state of Wisconsin since 4 years before I was born. The Packers are 14-1. And the Lions are favored? What's up with that? Well, actually I know what's up with that. The wise guys in Vegas think that the Packers are going to roll out the jayvee squad against the Lions in order to protect Aaron Rodgers and his high-flying pals from the wrath of Ndamukong Suh, last seen crashing his car into a tree in Portland. Now, that takes some guts -- they really love their trees in Portland. I don't know if the Packers will try to win this game or not; in fact I think they should sit the starters down and see if they can get D.J. Williams and Brandon Saine a touchdown or two. They might be able to do it. Will that be enough to beat a motivated Lions squad that wants to avoid a trip to New Orleans? Jayvee Team 24, Suh 21.

Did you know that the Packer quarterback in that 1991 game was none other than Mike Tomczak? The Packers actually have a nasty, largely forgotten history of employing old Bears quarterbacks. Tomczak, Jim McMahon, Jack Concannon and even Bobby Douglass were Packers for at least a little while. And if you look it up, Tomczak actually did an honest job that year for a Packers team that was terrible. Many things have changed since then, of course. I can't pick the Packers to lose, even though common sense would indicate that the Lions will win the game. Packers 27, Lions 19.

Dallas How Bout Them Cowboahs (+3) vs. New York Football Giants. It's quite possible that one of these teams will have the pleasure of hosting the Lions next week. These teams are now tied for the lead in the NFC East, both sporting lofty 8-7 records. There's a reason why these teams are both 8-7; they are inconsistent as teams can be. That makes picking the winner of this game pretty tough, actually. Will Tony Romo play lights out football, or will he revert to his 2007 form, in which he ended the season wearing a 12in. collar? Will Eli Manning throw for 400 yards and 4 touchdowns, or will he get intercepted a half dozen times? G-Men 27, Choke Artist 7.

Just a hunch. That's all it is. I think the Cowboys are going to play well and will be in Green Bay in two weeks. Cowboys 31, Giants 24.

Since it's past the Old Dude's bedtime, we shall return on Sunday for our annual bowl game extravaganza and my annual rant against the BCS cartel. I've been doing breathing exercises all along so that I can't be stopped once I start uncorking my dazzling verbal destruction of those BCS cheeseballs! But until then, Ben out!

1 comment:

Gino said...

the bears are missing 8 offensive starters to injury.

still, with what McCown showed last week, i think we have a chance in this one.