We're going back to the old dude's alma mater for his college reunion. What is this one, Decrepit. This is like your, what, 60th?
That would mean I was attending college well over a decade before I was born, so I think your math is a little off, Grasshopper.
I know that. You're going back for your 25th reunion, which means you are halfway to the Golden Hood! Whoo!
Yep. That's what they give people who graduated from Beloit College 50 years ago. That and a lot of fundraising appeals....
Well, I know what appeals to this audience -- game picking and watching the Benster dish out the hurt to the codger in the baseball hat!
Well, that sounds good. Let's see what you got, youngblood.
Northern Illinois Fighting Corncobs (+4) vs. Minnesota Pewter Gophers. What, you think they deserve to wear gold? Not after I picked them to go down in flames against South Dakota! I would love to say that the Gophers would right the ship, since they are a desperate team at home, but they pretty much blew that theory for me last week, so I'm not so sure about this. Tip to Tim Brewster -- the website you're looking for is Monster.com, I think. Corncobs 28, Gophers 7.
Wow. That's a bold pick there, young fella! I don't see that NIU has much to recommend them this season, although DeKalb is always lovely this time of year. The Gophers probably have to win this game, which is an excellent reason to pick against them. But I think Adam Weber deserves a better fate and he'll get it done this week. Gophers 31, NIU 20.
Austin "Yo Man, Where's the" Peay (NL) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers. Austin Peay is the alma mater of the legendary Fly Williams, who inadvertently went to Austin, Texas instead of Clarksville, Tennessee (where Austin Peay is located) on his first visit to the school, and was seen wandering around the Austin airport asking anyone who would pay attention, "yo, man, where's the Peay?" Looks like they play football at the Peay, too. Just not very well. Badgers 100, Yo Man, Where's the Peay 0.
Uhhh, no. I don't think Austin Peay will be much of a challenge for the Badgers, but Bucky Badger won't put up 100. I'd say they could get 49, though. In fact, I will say that. Badgers 49, Austin Peay 10.
Knox Lumber (NL) vs. Beloved Beloit Buccaneers. That's right, D-III football, baby! Why? Because it's homecoming weekend and the old guy's Bucs are going to be in action against the almighty Knox College Prairie Fire. Yes, that's their nickname, Prairie Fire. What the heck is that all about? Did somebody have a couple of beers before they picked a team name? Well, it doesn't matter because last year I picked against Beloit and I'll never make that mistake again. Buc Yeah 50, Knox Fire Department 17.
Actually, that score of yours could be pretty close. Beloit is getting a little better each year and Knox is pretty much the footwipe of the Midwest Conference, although one of my best friends from high school is a professor there, so I hope he won't mind me calling his school a footwipe. I just hope he doesn't read this. Beloit 34, Knox 7.
Detroit Tame House Cats (+11) vs. Minnesota Childress Job Watch. I did not imagine that the Vikings would have a must win game against Detroit. C'mon, man! It's obvious that the Vikings are having troubles, but I expect them to right the ship against the Lions, who should be playing in the XFL right now, or maybe against Yo Man, Where's the Peay? Harald Fairhair 125, Meow meow meow meow 0.
I don't even know who Harald Fairhair is.
Harald Fairhair was the guy who united Norway during Viking times. I'm trying to make the comparison that Brett Favre is Harald Fairhair. Take that, Columbus! You weren't the first guy to America, son. C'mon, man!
Well, thanks for the primer in Scandavian history, Grasshopper. But the guy playing quarterback for the Vikings ought to be called Wrangler Grayhair. And he'd better watch out for Ndamakong Suh. But the Vikes should win this week. Vikings 27, Lions 20.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (-3) vs. Bear Down Chicago da Bearz. Apparently the Bears are pretty good right now, so our friend Gino must be pretty excited. However, the Packers have gotten a lot better against da Bearz in the last year or so and A-Rodge is making the faithful forget about Harald Fairhair, who plays in the land of the ice and snow. But the Packers will be bringing the Hammer of the Gods. Packers 20, Ditka Ditka 19.
I sense it will be close, too. But I also think the Packers are a better team right now. And thus, they will win. Packers 31, Bears 24.
Dallas How 'Bout Them Cowboahs (+3) vs. Houston Texans. If you read these posts regularly, and you'd better be, you know that I, the Benster, do not like Tony Romo very much. He is the pro equivalent of Iowa quarterback Ricky Stanzi, who I also think is overrated and should be playing against Yo Man, Where's the Peay. News flash -- the Cowboys stink this year and Houston is good. Texans 63, Cowgirls 0.
Somewhere, Jerry Jones is muttering to himself, "who is this smart-aleck kid in Minnesota?" But he's probably also wondering what's wrong with his team. My guess -- their offensive line just isn't very good and that's a bad thing to have against Mario Williams and company. Texans 27, Cowboys 16.
I would not be surprised if Jerry Jones went out and got Allen "The Swinging Gate" Barbre. Also, Jerry, I'll tell you who I am. I'm your worst freaking nightmare! You spent over a billion dollars for a new stadium, but your team stinks on ice! At least you it's a good thing you didn't build it here, because you'd have Mark Dayton camped out on your porch. C'mon, man! Ben out!
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