Guilty Pleasures Part Eighty-One: People Wearing Hats in 1981

Fearless Maria is back in the house.

Back in the old, dusty, almost forgotten house of Guilty Pleasures. Oh, no! Dad, there's a spider! Could you kill it for me!

What did the spider do to merit the death penalty, Maria?

What am I, a lawyer? I don't know. Its presence is agonizing. Now be a good dad and squash that sucker! Or put it in a jar and let it loose outside!

I'll take it under advisement. You are right, though -- it's been a long time since we did one of these things. So what should we talk about today?

I don't know. This is Guilty Pleasures number 81. What could we do with 81? Are there songs about 81? 81 Bottles of Beer on the Wall? 81 Luftballoons or something? Or maybe 81 Tears? Or maybe 81-75309? Oh no, that's not Jenny's number.

Nope, nor are any of those numbers in any songs. So let me ask you a question -- what year did your dad graduate from high school?

45 B.C., right?

Wow, I'm not that old.

Good point. I'm thinking it must have been 1981, or you wouldn't have asked the question. I figure this stuff out, you know.

That's true. So do you want to look at some tunes from that fateful year?

Sounds good, Dad. Well, maybe it sounds good. I'd better not commit to that until I actually hear what you come up with. If it's you and a bunch of your buddies burping the Periodic Table, I don't want to hear it!

I don't know that we ever burped the periodic table, Maria. I might have burped the Dewey Decimal System or something.

Oh, that's right. English major. Of course that's what you did. Now, anyway, let's start up the songs here, Dad.

Okay. Start it up, you say?

So, did Mick Jagger get that shirt from the clearance rack at T.J. Maxx? It's kinda, well, sissy looking, Dad! And those dance moves were okay, but they looked kinda odd when he did them.

He's managed to offer those same dance moves for the better part of 40 years, sweetheart.

Oh. Well, I guess people weren't that picky in those days. Did anyone else have better dance moves?

Well, there was this dancing....

Okay, Blondie is looking just fine in her black dress, I guess, but maybe it would be more attractive looking with some pink hair. No, I'm just joking. The other people in the video are in random clothing but there's not too much to complain about, although the guy in the top hat is a little creepy. But I'll bet they had some spiders on the set!

It's possible, but since it's supposed to be New York City, you get your choice of pests and vermin.

I'd rather choose songs, Dad. Or maybe a nice dog? Hint hint!

You are subtle, Maria.

Not where dogs are concerned, Dad! I couldn't be more obvious about dogs! Don't you want to have one to pet, to take on walks, to frolic in the park? To be there as we're blogging? To be panting and wagging its tail and giving you slobbering wet kisses?

I'm not sure how the slobbering wet kisses would help our blogging, Maria.

It might help, Dad. C'mon, think about it. What about other songs from 1981?

Well, this is a little more perky:

 Can you say, "Ad for Hat World?" They were sportin' some fedoras there! I see kids wearing hats like that now. Were those popular in 1981?

Not especially, but then again the Police could afford better hats than I could back then. I had a cool Florida Gators baseball cap back then.

Good for you, buddy! A Florida Gators baseball cap? It sounds very nice, and I'm sure they're ready to go at Hat World in the mall, but it's not a fedora.

Good point. Maybe I could have had a hat like these guys:

Hey look everybody, it's the Hardy Boys! Geez, can you have any more trenchcoat, suits and hats? What were they trying to do anyway? Chat up Nancy Drew? I thought that she was with Ned?!

I guess I thought they were doing something else, Maria. Also, I didn't know the Hardy Boys ever made it to Amsterdam.

Hmm. Maybe not. Maybe they're a copycat group. After all, they had 3 guys and the Hardy Boys only had two. And none of the Hardy Boys were bald like the little guy in the middle. I do like the song, though -- lots of percussion and a bit odd in general, but oh well. I'd rather not keep it dark myself. I like bright colors these days.

Bright colors, you say?

Okay, Dad -- I think I get it now. In their band name ABC, "A" stands for abnormal, "B" stands for bugged out and "C" stands for creepy! Why on earth are they singing at a carnival? I thought the kids liked Ronald McDonald instead! Or was he even around then?

No, Ronald McDonald has been around for a long time.

Okay. But I'm beginning to think you were wrong about people wearing hats in 1981. These videos are full of people wearing hats! I see straw boaters, Tyrolean hats and goodness knows what else. I didn't see any Florida Gators baseball caps, though. Guess you didn't make the audition, huh Dad?

No, I guess I didn't.

So do you think it's time to wrap this up? Or maybe we should just top it off with a hat or something?

Sounds good, Maria. Vote for your favorite in the comments section. And one other thing, Maria --

What's that, Dad?

Be glad we didn't include this one.

Yeah, I'm glad you didn't, Dad. I don't think those are hats, anyway. Looks more like flower pots. But enough of that. Vote, people! Pretend you're from Wisconsin and vote several times if you'd like! It's just like throwing your hat into the ring!