Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Decrepit's Birthday Edition

Before I get started, I just want to say Happy Birthday to the old dude! So, how old are you now, Dad? I think you're like what, 74, right?

I think you're off by a few years. I still am not getting mail from AARP yet, pally.

They must not love you, Geritol Fan! Heck, I'm not even out of high school and AARP is sending me mail.

I think that's an invoice, bud.

Well, that's just great. I expect to get a lot of invoices from your no-account generation. But this is not the place to talk about politics. This is the time to unleash the HYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPE! And since our vast reading audience depends on my wisdom, I'd better uncork a little. Watch me work!

Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (-9 1/2) vs. Michigan State Spartans, at Indianapolis. After the Ohio State game, a lot of people lost faith in the Wisconsin Badgers. But not me. I predicted that the Badgers would be playing in this game. And lookie here -- there they are! The old dude and I were able to see the Badgers live last weekend against Penn State. First, I must say, thank you, Uncle Butcher! (Yes, I have an Uncle Butcher. Deal with it.) Secondly, to assure our friend Gino, I steered clear of the Penn State locker room while we were in Madison. Third, I jumped around! That's right, I came to get down. But now, let's get down to business here. So, we all know what happened last time in godforsaken East Lansing, where the Spartans won the game on a Hail Mary. But that wasn't the play that changed the game. I call your attention to the first half. The Badgers were driving for a touchdown, when a Michigan State player gave Montee Ball a helmet-to-helmet shot that temporarily knocked him out of the game. Instead of the Badgers driving in for a touchdown, they were stopped on the next play and Michigan State then got their momentum going. No one has really talked about that play, especially in the Michigan State camp. They seem to have forgotten or would prefer not to acknowledge it.

Man, this prediction is so long that I need a second paragraph. But anyway, Wisconsin has all the momentum going and should have a foolproof strategy for beating the Spartans this time around. Keep the Spartan defense on the field and pound it into submission. Then, force Kirk Cousins to beat you with a rally. Guess what? No rally this time, Sparty! Karma can be a, well, female canine. Let's just put it that way. Wisconsin 42, Sparty 38.

I don't know if you've noticed, but the Badgers actually have one of the top 10 defenses in the NCAA. And the Spartans are ahead of the Badgers on defense. I have to admit that I found the Badger defense to be very tough when we were at Camp Randall. Now, Michigan State has more firepower than Penn State, but I think the secret for this game is that the Badgers have improved their defense steadily over the season. And I think Montee Ball will get his points again. Rose Bowl? Sure, why not? Wisconsin 38, Michigan State 27.

Denver Tebows (+1 1/2) vs. Minnesota Ponders. Hey, Geritol Fan! Did you see the glow coming from the Metrodome? That can only mean one thing -- it's Tebow Time! I have to be honest with you -- I don't know how Tim Tebow is winning football games, considering he seems to be channeling the form and style of former Bears quarterback great Bobby Douglass, who never won anything except the wrath of Bears fans. There must be a reason why Tebow is successful. Could it be his strong faith? Maybe. More likely, it's the strong defense of the Denver Broncos, which is the real story behind what's been happening in the Mile High City. Well, considering Adrian Peterson is out for the Vikings, the real question is whether the Vikings will score any points. Broncos 17, Vikings 0.

Wait -- have you no faith in Greg Camarillo? Or Toby Gerhart? Or Devin Aromoshadu? Well, me neither. Unless Percy Harvin touches the ball about 30 times on Sunday, the Tebow tale will continue. Broncos 13, Vikings 6.

Glorious Green Bay Packers (-7) vs. New Jersey Dwarfs. The last time the Packers played the Giants, I was there with the old dude and two of my uncles. By the way, the Packers kicked the Giants all over Lambeau Field. The best part is that, because of a snowstorm on the East Coast, the Giants got to spend another magic evening at the Paper Valley Hotel in Appleton after their loss. I'll bet that was a joyous occasion for Big Blue! Since then, the Packers have not lost, while the Giants have lately been in an embarrassing free fall. Did you see any of their performance in New Orleans last week, Decrepit? That looked like something out of a horror story. The Packers are rested and while they have a few nicks, they should be ready to kick some more Big Blue butt. Packers 63, G-Men 0.

That seems a mite high, Seabiscuit. I realize that's part of your shtick, but really? Anyway, the defensive coordinator of the Giants, Perry Fewell, added a little Fewell to the fire by suggesting that the Giants were going to smack Aaron Rodgers around. As it happens, today is Aaron Rodgers's birthday. That's no way to treat the birthday boy! I think the Giants will play well early, then fade. Packers 34, Giants 20.

Kansas City Chefs (+7) vs. Bear Down Chicago da Bearz. It's a magic quarterback matchup -- Tyler Palko vs. Caleb Hanie! Wow, be still my heart! No, not really -- these quarterbacks are terrible. So who wins the terrible quarterback matchup? The team with the better defense, of course. And that would be. . . . Da Bearz 24, Swedish Chefs 0.

Hard to argue. So I won't, although I'll trim down the margin of victory a smidge. Bears 17, Chiefs 7.

Detroit Suhs (+9) vs. New Orleans Saints. So, our old pal Hong Kong Dirty (a/k/a Ndamukong Suh) managed to kick his way into a 2-game suspension after his soccer display on the arm of Packer lineman Evan Dietrich-Smith. I'm still convinced that the funniest kick I've seen this year was when the Packers played the Vikings and T. J. Lang got hit in the well. . . . I'm not sure what the Packers are doing to get their lineman kicked so much, but I hear that Suh and Brian Robison of the Vikings are comparing notes, or maybe thinking about an offseason audition with Riverdance. The Lions are now in a total freefall and that's never a good a place to be, especially when you have to visit New Orleans in your downward trajectory. N'awlins 49, Suhs 42.

And now, a musical selection in honor of our guy Ndamukong. Except this time, it's going to be Drew Brees doing the stomping. Saints 34, Lions 17.

Well, happy birthday again, old dude! Ben out!