So I didn't know that Jim Harbaugh decided it was a good idea to hire the 2017 Astros baseball ops people to steal signs.
He's a big fan of Brenton Wood:
That might be your most obscure effort yet, Old Dude!
I contain multitudes, Seabiscuit.
A few bran flakes should clear that up. Meanwhile, the Badgers have some explaining to do. I hate to bust the axe out this early, but they gave me no choice.
They aren't playing the Gophers this week, are they?
You seem slower on the uptake than usual. Didn't think that was even possible. But I move on, as I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat (+3.5) vs. Iowa Hawkeyes So Iowa already beat one of their rivals in a game we will talk more about, and now they get ready to face the Gophers. As much as I get called a hater for pointing out how Row The Boat has manipulated history to brandish his culture more, the fact remains that he has never beaten Iowa. Quite frankly, this game is going to live up to all of the stereotypes that surround Big Ten football. There is going to be a lot of running, plenty of punting, and not a lot of cutting edge offense. This game is going to be ugly, and the Iowans should win this one comfortably. No matter what, I will get to laugh at one of these teams. Iowa 14, Row Row Row Your Boat 11, Viewers Fall Asleep.
I dozed off reading your prediction. Never a good sign. Iowa 20, Minnesota 9.
Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (-2.5) vs. Illinois Fighting Illini Last week was a disaster for the Badgers on so many levels, and it's at the level of 2015 Northwestern and 2015 Iowa in terms of anger. Locke should be better with a full week of prep, and quite frankly a less stout defense. Illinois has been terrible all year, but then again the Big Ten West might be the worst division throughout the FBS as every single team is various levels of inept. This would be nice to win as the Badgers owe Illinois one for the disaster last year that ended up bringing the current coaching staff to Madison. Look for an angry group of Badgers to come out and get it done. Badgers 31, Illini 12.
Don't like this game. Bielema is a good coach. Illinois isn't talented, but the Badgers appear to be overhyped and with a freshman quarterback, it's a tall order. Against my better judgment, I say: Badgers 21, Illinois 20.
Penn State Nittany Lions (+4.5) vs. A School In Columbus So, the Buckeyes have been playing well. They had the narrow escape from South Bend, and survived against Maryland a couple of weeks ago. A game against Penn State at home should be easy, right? Not so fast, my friend. Penn State has been playing really well, and this is the best team they have had in years. Ohio State has looked shaky, and they are still under the Curse of the Six Game Minimum, which the Buckeyes know what to take down in their stadium to undo. I like Penn State to come into the Horseshoe to send the arrogant fanbase to blow up the phone lines of talk shows all across Ohio for the crime of losing a football game. Penn State 28, #NotMy2020BigTenChampions 26.
You realize no one cares about any of that, right? As for the game, I think Penn State is good enough to beat the Buckeyes in the Horshshoe this time. Will they? Ohio State 28, Penn State 27.
San Francisco 49ers (-6.5) vs. Minnesota Vikings Well, the Vikings survived disaster last week, but the problem is that they are facing a much tougher test. The Niners may be banged up, but they are more talented than the Vikings are. I'll say this, Niners. You better win in this window, or you are going to have a lot of questions to answer about how you've done things lately. Niners 56, Vikings 0.
No McCaffrey. No Deebo, perhaps. A banged up Brock Purdy. I think the Niners win, but it won't be easy. Niners 24, Vikings 17.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (-1) vs. Denver Broncos So the good news for the Packers is that despite the disaster in the desert a couple of weeks ago, the team looks to be healthier after the bye, and are playing a Broncos team that although they have the pieces, have clearly been a disaster. The Broncos can't stop anyone, and the Packers hopefully used the bye week to stop being dumb and cover pass catchers with defensive linemen. This should be a nice bounce back. Packers 49, Broncos 5.
Denver is a hot mess. Packers really haven't proved anything. We'll see. I think the only thing that saves the Packers is the ineptitude of the opposition. Packers 24, Broncos 16.
And now, it's time for a Very Special Comment. Wisconsin, what in the world was that? I was enjoying a nice weekend out of town, and spent 3 hours watching this team have an ugly meltdown. Fickell, I love you, but the decision to not take the field goal in the first quarter was bad. I realize that you can't blame the coaches when players get hurt, but did you even try to adjust? It was vanilla playcalling, being conservative, and the game was decided when the Hawkeyes took the lead in the first half. Did Longo even try to do something unique? No, it was passing the ball all the time, even though Locke looked raw. I mean, good lord. You knew points were at a premium in that game, and sleepwalked through that game. You need to figure your shit out, or we might not even make a bowl game this year. What are you going to do about it? I expect far better, and you let me me down.
We'll let the expletive go this time, because it's deserved. I think the brain trust in Madison needs to channel Brenton Wood and give us some kind of sign that things are getting better.
Enjoy your football this weekend. Ben out.
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