Friday, March 16, 2007

A modest proposal

MEMO TO: George W. Bush

FROM: Mr. Dilettante

DATE: March 16, 2007

RE: The AG Kerfuffle

Well Mr. President, it would appear that the Democrats and their friends are going to continue bruiting about the fact that your attorney general, Alberto Gonzales, actually exercised his prerogative to fire subordinates. It also appears that Gonzales actually may have received input on this matter from Karl Rove. There may even be a paper trail to that effect, if the breathless news reports on the matter are to be believed.

It does not matter that your predecessor fired all the U.S. Attorneys upon taking office, including one or two who might have been inclined to investigate his Arkansas activities. All of that may be true, but none of the players in this current drama are in the least bit interested in context, history or even an accurate portrayal of events. No point in worrying about it, right? So, what do you do?

Mr. Dilettante believes that if you are going to comment on a problem, your credibility will be much higher if you bring a potential solution with you. Here’s mine:


  • First, “reassign” Mr. Gonzales to a position on your personal staff. You can even give him an office next to Karl Rove. You can tell everyone that you believe his talents are better suited toward other matters your administration must deal with. You don’t have to be specific, so don’t bother. Besides, you seem to value his advice and counsel more than his administrative acumen. Alternatively, Vice President Cheney might name Mr. Gonzales to be the replacement for “Scooter” Libby.
  • Nominate Amy Klobuchar, freshman senator from Minnesota, to be your new Attorney General. Yes, Klobuchar is a Democrat and is politically indistinct from the other baying senators who are trying to gin up a personnel matter into High Crimes and Misdemeanors. Klobuchar most recently ran the Hennepin County prosecutor’s office, so she has comparable credentials to Bill Clinton’s useful AG, Janet Reno. To make this work, publicly leak your intention to choose a Democrat for the open position and ensure that Klobuchar’s name is first on the list. She will not, in the end, be able to resist your request. You will gain wide (if temporary) praise for your willingness to be “bi-partisan.”
  • Promise AG Klobuchar “full rein” to investigate the matter. Simultaneously announce a huge Justice Department initiative to look at “criminal justice” solutions for enemy combatants/terrorists. By the time AG Klobuchar comes up for air, it should be January, 2009.
  • Meanwhile, sit back and watch Governor Tim Pawlenty appoint either former Sen. Rudy Boschwitz and/or Rep. John Kline to fill out the remainder of Klobuchar’s senate term. Either would be a fine team player and, of course, the switch of this one seat would tip the balance of power in the Senate back to the Republicans, effectively putting Carl Levin, Joe Biden et al. back in their cages.

    Let me know if you have any questions.

    CC: Karl Rove

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mr. Dilletante missed his calling in life: He should have become a political operative.

Mark said...

I may still become one, anonymous.