Thursday, March 01, 2007

SNOWMAGEDDON's bad *** cousin

Mark Twain famously remarked that everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it. Sounds about right. As I write we are in the middle of the second big snowstorm of the week. We got a foot over the weekend, now we get the other foot today. Or maybe it's a boot; hard to say. I know which part of my anatomy the footwear is reaching, however.

We have spent a lot of time talking about the weather, or rather the climate, in recent years. You can hardly get through a newscast without hearing the drumbeat about global warming, or climate change, or something like that. I've learned that we are pretty much doomed unless we start letting the government hoover our wallets some more, whether via global carbon taxes, or CO2 emission offsets, or something. No one has precisely explained what's going to happen to the money, but we gotta pony up.

Assuming the teacher's unions don't get all the money first, I guess we're going to have to start writing the big checks, mostly likely with carbon-free inks. I also understand, from those more enlightened minds, that we'll have to change our ways. We may have to stop using gas powered lawn mowers and put the kibosh on the hibachi. If you want to barbecue a steak, you may have to put it under your armpit, which should work when the median earthly temperature is up to 165 degrees Fahrenheit. My understanding is that will be sometime in about 2011 or so.

I'll be sure to do all this, of course. I'm a good citizen and I want to make sure I save the planet for the kids and all that. I am a true believer in Global Warming and I will take all appropriate steps to get my mind right about this. But first I have to find my car under all the snow.

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