Thursday, January 31, 2008

Fearless Dilettante Football Predictions - Super Bowl Edition

So the big game is finally here. No one wearing green and gold is anywhere in sight. And it's good to see that Tom Coughlin has finally recovered from the NFC Championship game, based on the illustration to your left. But enough of the idle prattle; the pick must be made. No reason to delay!

New England Evil Empire 37, New York Plaxico Giants 20. Let's stipulate that the Giants are a very good football team. The tread marks on the back of Al Harris's uniform should be enough visual evidence for anyone. But they aren't playing my beloved Packers this time, with their rastafarian cornerbacks and their puzzling game plan. Now they are facing the EVIL EMPIRE.

Tom Brady may come off a little like Eddie Haskell at times, but you have to like his game. He's fearless, makes all the throws and in between all that manages to date one of the most beautiful women in the world. If I weren't already married to the most beautiful woman in the world, I might even be a bit jealous of the guy. But the key to this game is the defense. And I mean New England's defense.

The Patriot defense doesn't get a lot of attention, but it's been awfully good for a very long time now. They have pretty much everything you'd like - a run stuffing defensive line, active linebackers and a clever, aggressive secondary. It's easy to forget, given the amount of points the Patriots have scored this year, that the defense has had a lot to do with the perfect record they've put together. And they now have a little more motivation, thanks to the ill-advised trash talking undertaken by one Plaxico Burress, Giant wideout and T.O. wannabe. Mr. Burress has predicted that the Giants will win the game 23-17. Not gonna happen. A few guesses on what will happen:

  • Laurence Maroney will play a major role.

  • If a New England receiver makes a key catch, it will be either Donte Stallworth or Jabar Gaffney, not our ol' pal Randy Moss.

  • Eli Manning will continue to play very well, but not well enough.

  • Tom Petty will give a fine halftime concert and many Americans will say, "wait - he sang that?" at least a half-dozen times. And he won't have a wardrobe malfunction unless he wears the silly hat from the "Don't Come Around Here No More" video.

  • Another undercapitalized internet startup or two will pop for big bucks for a 30 second ad that no one will understand and will then go out of business within six months.

  • Mr. Dilettante will stop making picks on football games until August at the earliest.

Enjoy the game, kids.

ACTUAL RESULT: NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 17, NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 14. Congratulations to the Giants for a fine season. Tom Brady may be one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, but I have yet to see a quarterback who was effective while lying in a crumpled heap on the turf. And I think all of America agrees - Don Shula and the rest of those smug '72 Dolphins should still shaddup.


Right Hook said...

I'm no fan of either team, but will be rooting for the Patriots to vanquish the real Evil Empire: Don Shula and his '72 Dolphins.

It has become nauseating to see the fawning coverage on Mr. Smug and his good-but-not-great team every year when the last undefeated team goes down.

Hopefully a perfect season by the Patriots will push Shula out of the limelight for good.

Gino said...

i'll be rooting for the giants.

sure, any machine can win games, and i'm not dissing the discipline the pats have.
i'll face it: they have tested talent that runs deep.

but i have more respect for a team that is marginally better, or at the same level, as their competition, but thru determination and heart pull out the big prize.

if everybody thinks the 'sure thing' is so great, why dont we just go back to the dynasty days, where all the money and star power was centered on just a few teams?

Right Hook said...

Gino -

In normal situations I'd be with you for all of the same reasons, but the prospect of ending the canonization of Shula is just too good to let slip by.

Strolling Amok said...

I don't really have any particular rooting interest in either team. But. I was just reading the "Celebrity Picks" feature over on and James Dobson, Dennis Miller and Carrot Top are all going with the Pats - so I guess it's the Giants for me.

Mark said...

Carrot Top? I am aghast. So what's Gallagher's line on the game, then?