It's been a while but I've finally been able to track down Fearless Maria so we can do another Guilty Pleasures.
Yes, yes, I have a very busy schedule. Do not bother me from hours 1-4. Just kidding, Dad!
Well, I'll take that under advisement. So I thought that for today, we could look back at the year I turned 9, 1972. Maria, you are 9 years old right now.
9 and a half, Dad. Ha!
Good point. Anyway, did you ever wonder what the world looked like when I was 9?
Yeah, but I hope that it wasn't filled with bad suits like the rest of the 1970s were!
I'm guessing you're going to be very disappointed in the clothing choices, Maria.
I'm getting used to that, Dad. So what did you find in the compost area today?
Well, you're probably right, Maria. Most of these suits probably belonged in the compost pile, but I'm guessing that they will survive even nuclear attack, based on their high content of industrial-strength polyester.
Just as long as they're buried, Dad. Deep in the ground. In a coffin, even!
Well, we can start out with someone who unfortunately did die recently, Michael Jackson. I'm pretty sure he wasn't buried in this suit, though. This one goes out for your brother Ben, who is busy fending off bears at Tomahawk Scout Camp.
Ben, you're always running here and there. Getting chased round camp by big black bears!
And if you look behind and don't like what you find, you'll know it's a big hairy black bear! Roar!
Very nice, Maria. But what about the song itself?
Nice, but the suit that shouldn't have left the compost pile. It sort of looks like a banana with a handkerchief wrapped around it. Anyway, who is the Ben that Michael is singing about?
Would you believe that the Ben in this song is a pet rat?
Cool! Maybe the pet rat could get eaten by the bears! Maybe we shouldn't tell Ben that his song is about a rat, huh? His Chinese symbol is a pig!
Well, I don't think Michael Jackson sang any songs about pigs. Anyway, shall we move on?
You betcha by golly wow!
Remember, we weren't going to pick that one, Maria.
Oh, you're right. Sorry, Dad!
Ahem. Anyway, as we were saying. Here's one of the big hits of 1972, an enduring classic from Al Green. Hard to go too far wrong with this one, I think:
I know what I'd say to Al Green, Dad! We could stay together, but you shouldn't stay together with that awful suit you're wearing! It looks like you cornered the plaid suit collectibles market with that thing! Dad, how many plaids had to die to make that suit? I hope Al Green wasn't a plaid dad! How sad!
Channelling Dr. Suess again, Maria?
Yes, I am Maria, bla-dia. Hee-hee-he-ya? More comments? See ya!
I don't think I even want to understand what brought that on. Anyway, I'm going to do something daring here and risk the wrath of the ever-vigilant Eric Carmen Fan Club. I'm bringing back a song I discussed over a year ago, but that fits the 1972 thing really well. This song was a big hit for the Raspberries, seen here in a performance on the old Mike Douglas Show. Here they are, offering to:
So how do you like those raspberries, Maria?
The main singer looks more like a grape than a raspberry, Dad! What's with the purple? Shouldn't they be wearing magenta or something? And the hair? Nice tomboy style! And why does he keep calling for his mama mama mama? Maybe he needs to change his shirt? Or his diaper! And what's the deal with Joe Namath and Billie Jean King? I thought you told me they were athletes, Dad!
Yes, but for some reason they were on the show with the Raspberries.
Maybe they should have been wearing a raspberry beret!
That came later, my dear. Anyway, let's move on. Time for a little fun from Soul Train. First, let's look at this song, from The Main Ingredient:
Dad, you know what is one of the main ingredients in a suit?
No, Maria, what is it?
Buttons! How come these guys don't seem to have any buttons on their shirts? And by the way, what's with the host on Soul Train?
You mean Don Cornelius, the guy who introduces the music?
Yeah, him! He has a bad suit like Herb on WKRP, Michael Jackson's Afro and Harry Potter's glasses! Those are the main ingredients of a fashion disaster. It should have been left on the mannequin!
But did you like the song, Maria?
Well, yes. But if they're going to wear those suits, they're the ones playing the fool, Dad! And plus when they wear those suits they're not the Main Ingredient. They shouldn't even be in the dish! Let's hope that's not the appetizer!
Well, since you seemed to enjoy that one so much, let's try another. Here's more Don Cornelius, this time introducing his favorite band the O'Jays, as they sing:
Ouch! That hurt!
What hurt, Maria?
Looking at those suits is just like getting stabbed in the back, Dad! It's what they do. They smile in your face, then wear suits that are a disgrace, the O'Jays, O'Jays! And did they ever sell orange juice, Dad?
Not to me they didn't, Maria. We always got our orange juice delivered from Bud the Orange Juice guy when we were kids. Ask Uncle Paul about that.
Okay. I'll make sure I do that. So Dad, you know what's really good about this contest?
No, what Maria?
Well, the Argent song isn't that bad. The video is dull. But the others are pretty dire.
But you can pick one of the others. Just place your vote in the comment section. And the title says it all -- in 1972 you had bad suits and food groups, so everyone was playing the fool!