Thursday, September 29, 2011

Guilty Pleasures Part Eighty-Two: Fearless Maria Gets a Hall Pass

Fearless Maria is here this evening and we're thinking about the candidates for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We visited there last year and it was an interesting experience, don't you think?

Think? I know, Dad! I know that because that's just the way I roll! Oh yeah, oops. I'm supposed to say hi to everyone. Well, hi everyone! Long time no hear, huh? Finally we're back in business with another Guilty Pleasures. I hope that this experience will be pleasurable for you tonight. Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, especially since some of these videos will make you dizzy. Thank you for riding the Guilty Pleasures Time Machine. It's just like the Tilt-a-Whirl in handy blog form!

You weren't kidding, Maria. They announced the nominees for the Hall earlier this week and they span a pretty big stretch of time. The first nominee we'll consider tonight began in England in the mid 60s. The band morphed several times, but at the beginning they were known as the Small Faces. And they looked and sounded like this:

The song is called "Itchykoo Park" and it's pure 60s, wouldn't you say, Maria?

Dad, how would I know? I wasn't born yet! How old do you think I am? As old as you? That's too scary to analyze for further research! Well, anyway, I am here in my critique mode and ready to roll. Their outfits were, yes Dad, as far as I know, sorta 60ish looking, but not too horrible. The overall video is pretty boring but it's a nice, fun song.

Yes, it's kind of jaunty, I think.

Jaunty? Well, folks, let's look it up. J-a-u- ah ha! Only a word that Mr. D would say and maybe my English teacher, but only if it's in our vocabulary workshop book!

I paid good money for this vocabulary, sweetheart.

Well, I'm glad to hear that, Dad! But anyway, who is next to step up to the plate? Do you have another 60s act?

Why yes, Maria. Yes I do. It's Donovan:

That is the "Hurdy Gurdy Man." What say you, Fearless Maria?

Well I say it's my turn to use a strange vocabulary word. Dad, this video was not inconceivable, it was incomprehensible! Oh, oh! Okay, I know, kinda lame, but anyhoo, moving on.

It looked to me like he combined some home movies and random stock footage.

Well, maybe it was a big screwup at Best Buy! Only the Hurdy Gurdy Man knows! Darn you! All I know is this:  if our home movies looked like that, you'd probably get arrested, Dad! Oh wait, we don't really have any home movies, now do we? My last statement was sure hypocritical! Wait, I'd better check and see if that's on my vocabulary list, too! Hey Dad, if we use a bunch of vocabulary words, I can get some extra credit!

Maybe. Does your teacher read my blog?

No, she has better taste than that. I'm kidding, Dad! She knows real work when she sees it! The question is, does she see it? Obviously you can see it, now that you have bifocals, Dad! Okay, back on topic. The next song is what? More 60s stuff? Or can we move into the 70s now?

Sure we can. How about something completely different?

That would be "Tell Me Something Good," circa 1974.

Well, there's no need for a disco ball on this one, Dad, because Chaka Khan's shirt is already a disco ball! But I guess her outfit is okay. You've shown me far worse things from the 1970s. The rest of the band is so-so, but not so bad. I do like the song -- is this one jaunty, Dad?

I'd go more with funky than jaunty, I guess.

Typical -- once I figure out what you're trying to tell me, I'm still not sure what you're trying to say. I'm not sure if I'm confused, or if you're just confusing. Please don't confuse me with this next song, whatever it might be!

Oh, it doesn't get much more straightforward than this:

It's Heart, with the Wilson sisters and a wall of guitarists, playing "Barracuda."

Gee, Dad! Looks like somebody went fishing! And instead of using fishing line, they just took a bunch of their hair and tied it all together and that's how they caught their Barracuda!

Tell me this, Maria -- who has better hair, the Wilson sisters or one of the other guitarist guys?

Very funny, Dad. I like the Wilson sisters' hair better, although I'll bet that the band's largest expense was probably not food or transportation, but hair care products! They look like they kept Sally Beauty Supply in business all by themselves! While they were at it, the boys were going to get manny-cures at Lexi Nails! Yippee doo da hooray! But before I forget, I really like the song! Vote for this one, people!

But I haven't shown you all the songs yet, Maria.

Good point. Let's keep going, dear father.

Okay. Here's a totally different hairstyle:

It's Joan Jett, asserting indifference about her reputation.

What's that? I can't hear you! Something about you having a bad reputation? I know you dropped the globe on the floor in second grade, Dad, but what else gives you bad reputation? Oh, I'm sorry, the song isn't about you? It's about Joan Jett, you tell me? Sorry -- I can see Halloween coming and I just want some candy, Dad. But anyway, the outfits were pretty 80ish of course and it's a cool little video. You could vote for this one too, people, if you really want to, but Heart will be very disappointed in you. If you're going to vote for this one, be a good guy and buy Heart some Kleenex. You know we're the number one critics in the country, right? Well, maybe within five blocks of the house and assuming that Simon Cowell isn't driving through the neighborhood.

I didn't know Simon liked to hang out in New Brighton, Maria.

Well, can you rule it out, Dad? I thought I saw him mowing the lawn the other day. Or maybe that was his evil twin Nomis?

So evil twins have your name spelled backwards? That would make my evil twin Kram.

He's very Krammy, Dad! Well, my evil twin is named Airam.

Airam? That sounds like a freight delivery company.

Why not, Dad? We've been carrying you for years! Okay, let's carry on. Any more where that came from, Dad?

Sure. Perhaps the most interesting hair style of all:
It's Robert Smith and the Cure, on German television, with "Friday I'm in Love."

Yay! He knows his days of the week! He also looks like Robert Pattinson as Edward in "Twlight," which I do not know anything about and do not want to read!

I think he looks a little like Alice Cooper there, too.

True, I agree. Just another example of why men shouldn't wear mascara or lipstick. There are just some things you shouldn't go near, even though people do. Tsk, tsk. As for the hair, I suppose he might want to ask Heart if they can lend him a comb, or maybe he could dumpster dive for one with my art teacher!

Your art teacher dumpster dives?

Well, probably not literally, but that's what she says she's going to do when she needs to find something.

So she's exaggerating a little, maybe?

I would hope so, Dad. Anyway, back to the song -- it was good, although it was a little repetitive. Maybe all that repetition would be good for educational purposes for the little ones who want to learn their days of the week, although I don't think he could get a job teaching kindergarten dressed like that. Unless it's Halloween. I'm still looking for that candy, Dad!

Well, the treat is this -- the polls have opened. It's time to vote for your favorite in the comments section. And while you're at it, tell us if you think these bands belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

And make it snappy, folks! If you make it snappy, I'll be happy!

And Fearless Maria's happiness is very important to all of us, right?

Well, it had better be. Vote, people!


Gino said...

you mean that Heart is not in the hall of fame yet?

damn, we need to remedy that right quick.
yeah, give them my vote here, too.

Night Writer said...

This mosh of oldies is causing my mind to make strange associations. For example, watching the Joan Jett video, the thought that leapt into my mind was, "She's got Toni Basil eyes."