Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you.
Actually, you're not that bad as long as you maintain your steady dosage of Geritol. Meanwhile, my picks aren't going to be anemic this week. Watch me work!
Minnesota Golden Gophers (+20) vs. Nebraska Cornhuskers. Hey, there's a vote of confidence in the Gophers! Maybe Vegas remembers past games, particularly the 1983 Gopher/Nebraska game, in which the Gophers were edged 84-13. Good times, good times. This year should not be any different. Nebraska is good and they have a reason to keep their foot on the gas pedal, since if they win out they are guaranteed a date with the Badgers in the Big Ten Championship Game. As for our Gophers, they are bowl eligible and are trying to get a better record so they can avoid being in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. Johnny Rodgers 93, Rick Upchurch 0.
Did you see Mom shaking her head at you, young fella?
I'll start shaking my head, too. I think Nebraska will win, but this isn't 1983. Nebraska is a good but not dominant team these days and the Gophers are at least competing a little bit. I even think the Gophs will cover the spread. Nebraska 37, Gophers 24.
Ohio State Tattoos (+2.5) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers. You have no idea how much I want the Badgers to beat Ohio State. Have I mentioned lately how much I despise the Buckeyes? Well, let me clue you in. The Buckeyes are evil. They are cheatin' weasels. They have a smug head coach and an overrated quarterback. They are ineligible for a bowl game this year because they were cheatin' weasels in the Jimmy Sweater Vest era, and now they've managed to find a guy who is even more insufferable than Jimmy Sweater Vest. Urban Meyer is a good coach, but you look at the guy and you just want to wipe that smug grin off his face. He knows his Xs and Os, but he doesn't realize that the Badgers have the X Factor -- a running game that is now clicking on all cylinders and 80,000 screaming fans who like to do this:
Word to your moms, Buckeyes. The Badgers came to drop bombs. Wisconsin 28, Ohio State 7.
I'm not sure what to think about this one. The Badgers absolutely destroyed Indiana last week and the Buckeyes barely got out of Bloomington alive earlier in the year. The problem is that Badgers have been inconsistent this year and it's hard to say what will happen. The Bucks are motivated, but I think the Badgers are tough to beat at home. I think Vegas has it about right. Badgers 31, Buckeyes 28.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (-3.5) vs. Detroit Motor City Kitties. Old dude, I saw this on Facebook:
|And never will|
I think the 45 is possible, but I'm a little worried about this one, since Clay Matthews won't be playing. If you give Matthew Stafford time, he's trouble. And the Packers will be bringing a patchwork offensive line to Detroit this week. Still, I think the Pack is better and Aaron Rodgers really loves playing in domed stadiums. I mean, really loves it. Packers 42, Lions 31.
Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+5) vs. San Francisco Harbaughs. The old dude tells me that, once upon a time, many, many years ago, Jim Harbaugh was the quarterback of the Chicago Bears. I believe that was in between the the illustrious Mike Tomczak Era and the equally illustrious Peter Tom Willis Era. It's hard to be certain, since da Bearz have had many, many quarterback eras. And this week they won't have Jay Cutler available, since he's out with a concussion that he received from the Houston Texans. Now, the Bears get to go to San Francisco, where they will face an equally fierce defense and a hostile crowd. Can Gino's team survive? No. San Francisco 24, da Bearz 0.
I remember the Peter Tom Willis Era. It was a magic time. He would come up to the line of scrimmage and his teammates would say this:
The Bears are offensively challenged most games, but the 49ers aren't exactly a genius-level offensive team, either. I just have a hunch about this one and I think Peanut Tillman is going to make a play. Call me crazy, but I say: Bears 17, 49ers 14.
Okay, old dude. I'll call you crazy. Yer nuts! Now, I must say that on Wednesday, I will be turning 17. Yes, hold your applause! Ben out!