Old dude, I'm still working on that Eagle Scout project! How do you feel about going back up to Isanti tomorrow?
I'm sure it will be a great joy for everyone.
Of course, because this is my greatest achievement, other than being the best prognosticator of HYYYYYYPPPE!
We hadn't seen the HYYYYYYYPPPE! in a while.
Well, I'm trying to cut down a little, but sometimes you have to release the Kraken. And this week requires it. Watch me work!
Northwestern Wildcats (+10.5) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers. This seems like a pretty high point spread, considering that Northwestern is actually a pretty good team. The last time the Badgers played Northwestern, they edged them 70-23 and earned the right to go to the Rose Bowl. You can quote me on saying this: Ohio State will lose two games before the season is complete. That means, if the Badgers win out, they would be going back to Indianapolis with a chance to play for history. Can the Badgers do their part? It starts Saturday, especially when Joel Stave shows the world that he is the best quarterback in the Big Ten. Wisconsin 70, Northwestern 23.
Two problems with your theory, Seabiscuit. The Badgers aren't as good this year as they were in 2010 and Northwestern is significantly better. I don't think they've completely closed the 47-point gap, but it's going to be a lot closer than you think. I do think the Badgers will score, though, and your guy Stave will throw at least 1-2 touchdown passes. But it's Melvin Gordon that the Wildcats should fear. Wisconsin 38, Northwestern 27.
Oklahoma Boomer Sooner (-13.5) vs. Texas Longhorns, at the Cotton Bowl. It's the Red River rivalry, the traditional game that ends the Texas State Fair and begins the death watch for the regime of Mack Brown. Texas is a mess this year, even though they have roadside signs every 25 feet or so that say "Don't Mess With Texas." The problem is, everyone is messing with Texas these days. Even though Texas barely escaped Iowa State last week after the officials blew a call that makes Tempe look temperate, they have the stench of loserdom written all over themselves. This is not a great Oklahoma team, but it won't take much. Boomer Sooner 21, The Eyes of Texas Are Upon Mack Brown 0.
We really ought to do this in video format sometime, young fella, so the people can hear your really bad Mack Brown imitation. The problem is that Mack Brown is doing a really bad imitation of himself, too. Oklahoma wins. Oklahoma 35, Texas 24.
Carolina Panthers (+2.5) vs. Minnesota Vikings. There's a lot of turmoil at Winter Park this week, between the arrival of Josh Freeman and the horrible story we heard about today. Before anything else, say a prayer for Adrian Peterson and for his son, so cruelly lost. Bad stuff. Anyway, back to the game. We get our first look at Scam Newton, who has been a professional now for three years officially and about nine years unofficially. He's been getting paid longer than the Old Dude, I swear. The bottom line is that the Panthers aren't a very good team, which is helpful for the Vikings. The Vikings are going to start Matt Cassel, which means that Christian Ponder is probably done. On the bright side, he has a pile of money and a really beautiful wife, so that's a good thing. Panthers 31, Vikings 17.
I think the Vikings will win. I feel very bad for Adrian Peterson, too. What an awful story. As for the game, I almost think it would be better for the Vikings if Cassel doesn't play too well; they brought in Freeman to play and if Cassel is too good, they'll have a hard time replacing him in the starting lineup. Vikings 24, Panthers 21.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (-2.5) vs. Baltimore Ravens. So let me get this straight. The Baltimore Ravens, defending Super Bowl champions, are a home dog? I get that the Packers are a good team, and I'm grateful that they are, but this is a very surprising point spread. The key question for the Packers is how they will weather the absence of Clay Matthews, who broke his thumb last week and is out for about a month. This is perhaps the toughest game on the road that they'll have before they go to Chicago at the end of the year. The thing about the Ravens is that their fearsome defense isn't really that fearsome any more. No Ray Lewis, no Ed Reed, no Paul Kruger. That's a lot of guys to replace. Can the Packers weather the storm? Of course they can. Packers 42, Ravens 35.
So you're saying bet the over, huh? The over/under on the game is 40.5. I think they'll play some defense on Sunday, but I think the Packers are better than the Ravens. I would not be surprised if this goes the other way, but. . . Packers 27, Baltimore 20.
Unfortunately, we can't pick da Bearz because they've already beaten the Giants. As it happens, everybody beats the Giants this year. Karma is biting the Giants big time. Sorry, Frosty Face Coughlin, but not really. Ben out!
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