Last week was a very fun weekend for someone like me. I got a bunch of people who I need to take some shots at.
He's a jolly sniper, this Benster.
Also, I was surprised to see that there was a boat crime at Huntington Bank Stadium. A bunch of Badgers just capsized a boat carrying a bunch of Gophers and PJ Fleck, and happened to take an Axe. Fickell was there, but for some reason decided to encourage those Badgers instead of stopping them. I also noticed that the rowers and the entire boat collapsed in a very #Elite manner. You really hate to see it.
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat! Or maybe it's this:
Who, or rather what, is Camilla Sparv?
I don't know, Seabiscuit. I'm just trying to figure out how Halston got on there.
I was expecting Fred Smoot!
Wrong Love Boat, sir.
Enough of your nonsense, even if it is part of the bit. I have mocking to do and I am feeling the HYYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Michigan Cheaters and the Best (-22) vs. Iowa Hawkeyes Michigan ended up beating Ohio State to keep the Curse of the 6 Game Minimum intact, and their tour to get their accomplishments vacated moves to the Big Ten title game. The shame is that Michigan is too talented to have needed to cheat, but that's fine with them because Jim Harbaugh is a real Michigan Man who would never leave unless an NFL team lets him pull a Pete Carroll. Iowa will be game, but this is too much of a talent gap between them and Michigan. The only way Iowa has a chance is if they can turn this into a defensive struggle. We all know how this is going to end. Or do we? Ferentz Family Nepotism 17, Michigan Can't Win On A Level Playing Field 0.
Uh, no. Iowa is offensively challenged. Michigan is very good at defense. This is not happening. Michigan 24, Iowa 3.
Kansas City Swifties Chiefs (-6) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers Thanksgiving was a fantastic performance by everyone involved by the Packers. I have been very critical of the coaching staff, but LaFleur had a prefect plan, and I loved how he had his team ready to go from the start, and they finished strong. Even though he had one hand tied behind his back with the injuries on a short week. Joe Barry had his best game with the Packers, as the defense was swarming and made the Lions very uncomfortable. Jordan looked amazing, though I have to call out Fox for not having a turkey leg for him. Jordan deserved it, but instead Greg Olsen had to manhandle the turkey in the booth. This won't be an easy game as the Chiefs are very good at football. But this will be a bad weather game, and the Packers are going to be well-rested. Don't be surprised if the Packers win. Packers 23, Chiefs 14.
Actually, I will be surprised if the Packers win. But maybe MVS can drop the game winning touchdown for old times' sake. Can't pick it that way, though. Chiefs 27, Packers 21.
And now, it's time for me to laugh at some teams.
This just in - I found out Camilla Sparv was a glamorous Swedish actress from the 1960s. Quite beautiful, actually.
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| Sparvelous, actually |
That's good to know. Irrelevant, but good to know. Now, back to our regularly scheduled mockery.
Let's start with the Motor City Kitties. The LOLions, Dan Campbell, and their fanbase should be just embarrassed with what happened on Thanksgiving. They played like crap, looked overawed by the occasion, and had some of the worst coaching I've seen this year. Everyone talks about Campbell as this great coach, but he still has some areas of growth. The fake punt he called was a stupid idea, and had no chance of working. And you called it against the Packers special teams, who have been horrible for years. He could have won the game if he had taken the points, but couldn't convert a single 4th down all game. To make matters worse, the Lions have a tough schedule down the stretch. You could blow this division again, and the same old LOLions are in danger of making an appearance. You have some serious issues to fix, so I hope you used the mini bye well. You are going to need it.
That actually seems like good advice. So what's next?.
Ohio State, the warning signs that I warned you about were there on Saturday. You fell down early, and against an even opponent you couldn't ride your high end talent to bail yourself out like you had so many times this year. Ryan Day is on the hot seat because your entitled fanbase can't accept that you will lose to Michigan sometimes. I hope your AD fires him and you go into the wilderness for a bit, because that is the best thing that could happen to your fanbase. Heck, even your legendary head coaches like Woody and Paul Brown lost to Michigan. Coaches lose rivalry games, and it happens to the legends of the game. Heck, even Urban came close to losing a couple of times against Michigan. You need to get a grip on reality and be grateful for your consistency. The Curse of the 6 Game Minimum remains intact. You know how you can lift it.
Are you sure you're laughing? You're coming on like an Old Testament prophet.
I got your Jeremiah right here, Geritol Fan. Now, Vikings fans, welcome back to earth. Losing in that manner at home to Da Bearz was hilarious. Now you know why Josh Dobbs was available, and you have a quarterback controversy. There were warning signs during your winning streak. You almost lost to Carolina, and the Falcons blew that game to you. Did anyone not panic during those two games? All of a sudden, the Packers are right behind you. That's right. The team you called irrelevant and the quarterback that you dismissed could go to the playoffs. If that happens, you bet I am going to have fun with that. You got some serious issues to think about and solve.
It's true. And yeah, it is kinda funny. Here's a live look at Vikings fans:
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