Rome is burning, y'all. So it's a perfect time to talk about football.
Xavier Hawks 21, Clintonville Truckers 17. Homecoming for the Hawks and a tough opponent. The Truckers are pretty good most of the time, but my sense is that the X will be ready for this one.
ACTUAL RESULT: XAVIER 27, CLINTONVILLE 16. The X was ready. Defense was tough all night.
Irondale Knights 31, Friendly Fridley 21. The Knights have been dominant lately, but they step up in class a bit with a tough game against their neighbors to the west. Based on what I can tell, the Knights should win, but it won't be easy.
ACTUAL RESULT: IRONDALE 42, FRIDLEY 7. A rout. Irondale wasn't especially friendly.
Mounds View Mustangs 34, Hastings Raiders 17. Hastings, like their Stillwater neighbors, is a river town with a fine football tradition. Also like Stillwater, Hastings is down a little this year. Look for the Mustangs to take advantage.
ACTUAL RESULT: MOUNDS VIEW 42, PARK OF COTTAGE GROVE 0. Lesson of this one -- don't depend on the schedule printed on the Mounds View website. Park is near Hastings, if that means anything.
Beloit Bucs 31, Knox Pure Prairie League Fire 24. Knox is one of the teams Beloit can beat and frankly any school whose nickname is "Prairie Fire" really deserves to get its butt kicked. Hope that my friend Stephen, who is a professor at Knox, will forgive me for making this common-sense argument.
ACTUAL RESULT: BELOIT 38, KNOX 0. That's about as big a butt-kicking as a Beloit team has ever delivered. Good for them, especially in front of the Homecoming crowd. And the worst part for the defeated Prairie Firers is that they have a 3+ bus ride back to Galesburg, Illinois.
Wisconsin Badgers 31, Meeeshegan Woolverines 21. Usually Ann Arbor is a graveyard but Go Blue is in transition right now. When the Badgers return there in two years, it will be a lot tougher than I expect it to be Saturday.
FINAL SCORE: MICHIGAN 27, BUCKY FREAKING FAILURE CHOKE MONSTERS 25. Epic Fail. Start the cheer now, kids.... "Over-rated... Over-rated." That was one of the worst chokes I've ever seen. And it won't look much better unless Michigan wins about 7 more games this season.
The Ohio State University 31, Minnesota Golden Gophers 17. Okay, let's give Tim Brewster some credit for righting the ship. The problem here is that OSU is still much better than the Gophers. But it won't be a rout this time.
ACTUAL RESULT: THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY 34, GOPHERS 21. It is what it is.
Green Bay Packers 27, Tampa Bay Pewter Pirates 19. Tampa has been a tough place to visit for our beloved Pack in recent years, but this time the Pack has a better team. Look for Aaron Rodgers to come back smartly from last week's lessons.
ACTUAL RESULT: TAMPA BAY 30, GREEN BAY 21. Aaron Rodgers throws 3 interceptions, while Brett Favre throws six touchdowns for the Jets. Packer fans go back on suicide watch again. Not me, though - just go get 'em next week!
Tennessee Tuxedos 14, Purple Helmeted Love Warriors 10. If Matt Birk has trouble blocking massive, mean Albert Haynesworth, we might have a T-Jack sighting sooner than Week 8, which is still the over/under for when Gus Frerotte breaks down.
ACTUAL RESULT: TENNESSEE 30, VIKINGS 17. Easy to sum up this one, Vikings fans: Not. Good. Enough. Boy, the Packers are lucky that the rest of the division appears to stink.