Thursday, April 15, 2010

Guilty Pleasures Part Sixty-Six (Or Should That Be Six Six Six) -- Fearless Maria Fears No Evil

So Fearless Maria is here and she's asking that I take a little break from all the evil I've been discussing.

BEEEPP!!! BEEEPP!! BEEEPP!! Fearless Maria has now entered the building! If you do not believe in being Fearless, please evacuate the building immediately, or YOU. SHALL. PAY. (Five bucks should be sufficient, people!)

This might be first Guilty Pleasures with a cover charge -- that's really innovative, Fearless Maria!

Yes, yes -- very innovative. We need to pay off Mrs. D's new car! Dad, so why have you been posting all those pictures of creepy, evil-looking old dudes? That's not very good for marketing your blog, you know! Just a tip from the Master!

Well, I've been thinking a lot about the problem of evil, Maria. I'm not entirely sure why, but sometimes I think about things like that.

I think you should think about something a little more happy. I mean, don't they always say to keep your sunny side up?

I suppose, Maria.

Or is your sunny side all rainy? Or has it been scrambled?

A little bit, Maria.

Well, I can cheer you up, Dad! Music always cheers you up. And I'm so good, I'll even figure out a way to make thinking about evil both musical and cheerful!

Now there's an idea, Maria. I can think of several good songs with "Evil" in the title. And they aren't even that evil!

Oh really, Dad! Let's see if you can. I bet you five votes that you can't!

Ah, a challenge. I can rise to a challenge, Fearless Maria! I'll start back around 1965 with one of my favorite bands, the Yardbirds:

Dad, Dad! Those darned birds are in the yard! And some of them have super long hair and the others not so much! And they're singing "Evil Hearted You" to some other bird that stole their worms! The other bird looks like a busybody to me! But I don't think that song was that evil. They just sounded mad -- I don't think they were really going to cause any harm.

Probably true, Maria. But these next guys were warning about evil, at Woodstock of all places. It's Santana in 1969, suggesting that someone needs to change their:

You know, Dad, I sort of think it's a little evil that the keyboard player had a pack of cigarettes sitting next to him. Those are bad for you! But I saw two things -- they had some really cool Afro hairdos and tiny mustaches and beards. Did you have one of those in the 1960s, Daddy-O?

No, I was about 5 years old in 1969.

Well, maybe you should have, Dad! It would have gotten the attention of all the girls in the class when you were playing in the sandbox while your beard got sand all over it!

I imagine so, Maria. I think we'd better move on.

Okay, Dad. I think you'd look silly with a beard anyway. So what other evil songs do you have for me? It looks like you're going forward in time to the 1970s, and I already know how evil that is!

Well, funny you should mention that, Maria. The next two songs are by bands known as ELP and ELO.

Dad, I think both those bands should have borrowed an H, so they could be the HELP and HELO. Maybe they got low scores on their spelling tests! Is that why they sang evil songs?

I hadn't thought of that possibility, Maria. But you can't rule it out, I guess. Anyway, the next song is from ELP, which stands for Emerson, Lake & Palmer.

That sounds like the name of a law firm, Dad!

Well, sometimes they sounded a bit like a law firm, Maria. But here they are in all their glory:

Wow, Keith Emerson, the keyboard player, must have spent a lot of time practicing to play two keyboards at once! But it doesn't seem like Greg Lake understood that when you wear a suit you need to wear a shirt underneath, or else you look like you're the show the never ends! Either that or he just came back from the lake and thought his suit was a towel! Do you think that's a possibility, Dad?

I'll be honest, Maria -- I never thought of that.

And what's so evil about that song, Dad? I never heard any reference to evil in it at all!

I don't know, Maria. I find self-indulgent soloing a little evil, but that's just me.

Always the critic, Dad! Anyway, so who are the ELO dudes?

That would be the Electric Light Orchestra, Maria.

I thought it was Evil Living Ostriches, Dad!

You weren't the only one, Maria. Anyway, here's their evil song:

Sing it with me, Dad! "E - e-vil outfits! Bad polyester!" I think when the guy sings "you made a fool of me," he must have been looking in the mirror! And guess what, Dad -- I think I've made an amazing discovery! The evil woman that Jeff Lynne was talking about was his Mom, who was telling him the truth about his ugly outfit! I do think the blue violin is pretty cool, though. You could make a song out of that, I bet!

I'll have to work on that one, Maria. Anyway, there's only so much evil in the world, so I'm going to move it all the way up to 2008 for the last song. It's from a band called My Morning Jacket --

I hope Greg Lake didn't wear it!

I don't think so, Maria. Anyway, in proof that even an old guy like your dad tries to stay current, I offer:

Dad, I don't think those guys are evil. Whiny, yes. But not evil.

You might be right, Maria. Have you had enough evil for one night?

Yes, Dad. But you know what would be really not evil? If everyone could pick their favorite in the comment section. That would be righteous!

I agree, Maria. I agree.


W.B. Picklesworth said...

I'm going to give a big ol' vote for The Yardbirds!

And I'm going to cast a negative vote against Emerson, Lake and Palmer because they are a waste of sound waves. They're just awful.

Night Writer said...

This song doesn't have "evil" in the title, but come one - it IS Dr. Evil!

Gino said...

i'm going with ELO, partly because the title is a redundancy, and i kinda like that.