I can't think of a better way to celebrate April Fool's Day than to do another edition of Guilty Pleasures. Fearless Maria is here with me as always and she is ready for action.
Happy Appreciation of Doorknobs Day, everybody! It's named after my brother! No, I'm kidding, of course! Benster isn't like a doorknob at all! But next time you open a door, appreciate that doorknob you used, unless you open the door Fearless Maria style with a ninja kick! April Fools! There's no such thing as "Appreciation of Doorknobs Day."
You're kidding, Maria. And I went out and bought a card and everything!
Don't worry, Dad! You can save it for the next holiday, brought to you by Hallmark Cards! So please mark your calendar for May 7, a/k/a Appreciation of Porta-Johns Day!
We won't want to miss that one, Maria. Anyway, should we play some music today?
(Here's a hint to the audience -- don't click that last link. Whatever you do. Really, I'm begging you.)
So Maria, do you think that the 80s were less creepy?
I thought so, but let me guess -- you're going to show me some really creepy stuff and it's going to give me nightmares, right?
No, I don't think so. But there's only one way to find out, right?
Okay, Dad. So, let me ask you this: did people have bad hair in the 1980s? I bet some of them did!
Well, this guy had kinda weird hair, and it was quite red. Simply Red, even:
So, Red! I see you've added a new fashion statement. I've never heard of flat red mohawks before! Let me give you some advice -- maybe if you wouldn't be holding back on combing your hair, you might get to meet some of those girls you're thinking about. And then you can make the ends meet!
That strikes me as pretty good advice, Maria. But the guy in question, whose name is actually Mick Hucknall, was somewhat normal compared to some other people in the 80s. Consider these cheerful misfits who had a lot of hits for about 3 years. It's Culture Club!
Goodness, Boy George is off his rocker! Those Japanese girls don't seem to miss him! They're too busy setting his guitar on fire and throwing it through the window! No wonder he's wearing a mask! It's probably too embarrassing to be seen with all this rubbish! And maybe he's blind because he's wearing his mask wrong and thinks everyone misses him, when they really hate him and think he's a twisted old loony or something!
Lotta theories to sort out there, Maria. I bet one of them works. But that's not even the creepiest thing I can think of.
Oh, I'm sure you can get creepier, Dad! You lived through the 80s, I heard.
In a manner of speaking, yes. Anyway, these guys aren't so creepy but the video is a little weird, so try this -- it's Tears for Fears, attempting a little gardening and :
Wow, Tears for Fears has invented a new Olympic sport -- synchronized couples maniac skydiving! And it lives up to its name! And they stole the French Horn from the Beatles, too! I think they live in the 80s but wish they were in 60s, Dad! But you told me there were a lot of people in the 80s who wished they lived the 60s, right?
That's true, Maria. It wasn't easy, though. We had too many barbers and hair care products available.
You can't tell that from watching these videos, Dad!
Well, there was a problem with that, Maria. You could use hair care products irresponsibly in the 80s and really bad things happened.
Hair malfunctions, Dad! Technical difficulties?
Well, you be the judge. Here come A Flock of Seagulls:
All right people -- here's your Guilty Pleasuresly Logical Lesson! The next time you're on the beach and you see the lead of A Flock of Seagulls, don't take any of his advice except for this: Run!
You know what I think was the meanest thing they did to this guy?
No, tell me Dad.
They had him in a hall of mirrors and that meant he got to see multiple images of himself. That's flat cruel, if you ask me.
Oh my goodness! That is cruel! So you're right, the 80s are creepy. But can they get more creepy?
Sure they can, Maria. Just watch this -- it's our old pal Lene Lovich:
Lucky number? Dad, if I have a lucky number I'd play it on the Powerball. This lady is Powerbad! Oh looky, here's her report card. Bad Hair: A+. Screaming like a kindergartner: A+. Creepy eyeball thing: A+. Being close to reality: F. That was just plain weird, Dad. And that's saying something, considering I live in the same house with Benster!
Oh, he's not that weird. He could be even weirder, like these guys, the almost forgotten Haysi Fantayzee:
Dad, how you could you have forgotten those guys? One's almost wearing no pants and the other guy looks like a clown that got run over and if I were singing the song, it would go like this: "Shiny Shiny, don't shake your behiney, sha la la, sha la la la - HUSH!" But I do like the end of the video, where the clown guy is slashing away his own failure to be entertaining!
Yeah, they do look like some sort of weird gypsy Goth version of the Ting Tings. Or maybe we could combine Lene Lovich and the Ting Tings and get this.
Dad, don't go there. Please. I'll get down on my knees and beg you if I have to. But I won't beg anyone to vote for their favorite song. You should be doing that already! You know that students, don't you? You know that every child of Guilty Pleasures High School must always vote for a winner in the comments section. If you don't vote, you're a loser! Well, maybe not a loser, but certainly lame! Anything else to add, Dad?
No, that seems sufficiently stern.
2 comments:
Musically, I really like "Sowing the Seeds of Love." Maybe the 80s weren't as bad for music as I tend to remember.
no, the eighties werent bad at all, although some was pretty bad.
and besides 'i ran' i cant think of single song on this ballot i really like, and i dont even like that one.
i just dislike it less.
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