Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mock Draft

What a bunch of morons, all dressed up in their silly $175 Wayne Chrebet uniforms, slack-jawed and drooling over the deep thoughts of the helmet-haired Mel Kiper as he discusses random physical attributes of young men.

Oh, sorry -- got confused there. We're not supposed to mock the draft. Well, it certainly deserves a bit of mockery, considering what is essentially an administrative exercise has now become a month-long slog of daily articles and analysis in most every newspaper in an NFL town. And the show itself has now turned into a 3-day miniseries that will have more hours in it than "Roots," which seems appropriate since it shares similar thematic material.

Anyway, it's time for a quick draft-day Q & A.

But Mr. D, who are the Packers and the Vikings going to pick?

Haven't a clue.

What about Tim Tebow?

He'd be a pretty good antidote to Ben Roethlisberger in Pittsburgh. But if he were to go to Pittsburgh, he'll get booed if he were to throw a pick.

What does Mel Kiper put in his hair?

It's a top secret mixture of polystyrene esters, a small dab of Plaster of Paris and assorted petroleum byproducts. Oh crap, I wasn't supposed to tell you that.

What's the secret of the NFL draft's success?

Two things:

1) All fans have a little bit of the inner geek in them and the draft is a perfect time to let your geek flag fly; and

2) ESPN is very clever, especially when you consider that probably half the air time is commercials.

But Mr. D, who are the Packers and Vikings going to take?

Still don't know. Although I do hope the Packers take Maurkice Pouncey of Florida, mostly because I think his name is amusing. The Vikings will take a random defensive back. And if Tebow is still out there in the second round, the Vikings will take him.

But if you don't care about the draft and mock it, why do you even have an opinion?

I'm an amateur pundit, dammit. I'm supposed to have opinions.


R.A. Crankbait said...

I think that if Maurkice Pouncey's parents had just left the "k" out of his first name he'd be the #1 overall draft pick. Any kid named Maurice Pouncey would have had grow into be the roughest, toughest guy in three states or he'd be dead. Or a fashion designer.

Now, if they'd named him Sue...

Mr. D said...

At a minimum, he would speak of the pompatus of love.

Gino said...

without looking it up, let me guess: the kid's black.

Mr. D said...

without looking it up, let me guess: the kid's black.

Belgium, actually.