Guilty Pleasures Part Fifty-Six -- It's Too Late for Joy to the Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves on the Indian Reservation Who Are Tired of Being Alone

I'm back! I'm Fearless Maria. Hey Dad, what time is it?

Think it's about 7:30, Maria.

Dad, you should know that it's Guilty Pleasures time! And now, since we've been doing lots of 80s lately, to dodge the 70s, now we're back to the 70s! Back to ugly! Back to terror! But just because the 70s were ugly and terrible, don't stop reading, because this might turn out okay! You never know!

Way to sell the idea, Maria.

So Dad, do you think it's time for Christmas carols?

Sure seems that way, considering it's snowed about 3 times this week.

Well, Three Dog Night says it is! Here's a traditional version of the classic Christmas carol from 1971!

Joy to the World

Uh, Maria? I don't think that was a Christmas carol.

Sorry, I got confused, Dad, because all those guy's shirts look like wrapping paper! Don't you think they should have bows in the hair and go to cheerleading practice?

It's possible they do have bows in their hair, Maria. We just can't see them because the hair is so long and stringy.

I guess you're right, Dad. That wasn't a Christmas carol. So let me ask you, Dad -- is this a Christmas Carole? Or is it too hard to tell, because:

It's Too Late

No, Maria, that's not a Christmas carol. It is Carole King, though. Are you getting confused by all this old music?

No, Dad. I'm just goofing around. That's what I'm supposed to do, right?

Sure, Maria. It's one of your strengths.

Hey, Dad! So, I have a question.

Okay, Maria. What would you like to know?

What the heck happened to these guys? You were showing these guys to me a while back and they were wearing Revolutionary War outfits with go-go dancers. But then, when they got to 1971, they looked like this:

Indian Reservation

I'm confused. Now they look like those Three Dog Night dudes! That's not an improvement! They're not even half reasonable!

I'm not sure, but they were hardly the only people who looked a lot different in 1971. And I can prove it to you.

Okay, Dad. Who else looked different?

Well, have you ever heard of Sonny and Cher?

Yeah, because a long, long, long time ago I remember you showed me a video of them.

Cher looked like was wearing curtains. As a matter of fact, ugly curtains.

Yeah, and Sonny was wearing a vest that looked like it was made out of shag carpeting. Kind of a home decor thing. Well, by 1971 she looked a little different. Actually, a lot different. Check it out, Maria:

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves

You're right, Dad! Goodness gracious, now she's wearing shredded drapes, or whatever that dress is supposed to be! And what happened to her hair? Now it's all wavy and curly and really long. She doesn't even look like the same person!

She started to go for the Las Vegas look, Maria.

That was a bad bet, Dad! Guess what -- she didn't get 3 cherries on the slot machine -- she got 3 skull and crossbones!

Well, I do imagine that the people who did her hair appreciated her efforts. It probably was an all day job.

You know what, Dad?

What, Maria?

I'm getting tired.

Kinda like Al Green?

Tired of Being Alone

Dad, do you think that Al Green got a part-time job as a lifeguard?

How do you figure, Maria?

Look at what he's wearing! He's got on flashy shorts, a tank top and a sun hat! But I'm thinking those gold chains might not help him in the water. Or does he have a whistle on the end of it?

I didn't see one. I agree, it does seem like a slightly impractical lifeguard uniform, Maria. But you know what?

I know, it's time to whistle this edition of Guilty Pleasures to a stop. Vote, people! Pick out your favorite song in the comments. And you know what else, Dad?

No, what Maria?

If you need some help swimming, I wouldn't call Al Green.