I wanna know about the mystery dance
Why don't you show me,
'cause I've tried and I've tried,
and I'm still mystified.
I can't do it anymore and I'm not satisfied.
That's the chorus from Elvis Costello's early song "Mystery Dance," which is ostensibly about Topic A but has application for where I'm at right now. It's caucus time in exactly one week from today and the candidates on offer all suck, in one way or another. The choices are:
- Professor Harold Hill with a Queens accent
- A principled conservative running an unprincipled campaign, with the mien of Mr. Haney on Green Acres
- A robotic cipher who got played the minute he hit the Senate and still doesn't seem to understand it, primarily because he doesn't appear to be especially bright
- A straight-up socialist who is every bit as much of a carnival barker, in his own way, as Lord God King Combover
- The most comprehensively corrupt candidate in the history of the Republic
So in a certain way, the caucus is about Topic A as well. I can't caucus for any of these people. They are all frauds in their own way. So I won't.