Funny valentines

Here we are on that most successful of Hallmark Holidays. Love is in the air. And yet, the bullets are flying. Let the massacre begin.

• It appears that the surge is working even before it starts. News reports indicate that our favorite thuggish imam, Moqtada ("Mookie") al Sadr has fled to Iran, rather than facing the wrath of the U.S. Military. He's a brave fella, that Mookie. This does complicate matters, however, as it will be difficult for Jack Murtha to surrender to someone who has fled the country. But I'm sure Murtha will find a way; perhaps a summit meeting on Okinawa could be arranged.
• The Hill (the Capitol Hill's newspaper) reported that Keith Ellison finked out a colleague because he was smoking a cigar in his office, which adjoins Ellison's office. The congressman in question is Tom Tancredo, a Colorado Republican who is running for president on a bit of a xenophobic platform. Good to see that Keith is approaching his new job with civility.
• Speaking of red, Bucky Badger is in town this evening for a contest against those mighty Gophers at Williams Arena. The Badgers are an unimaginable 24-2 at this point in the season and are ranked #3 in the land. The Gophers are, based on all evidence, the second best college basketball team in Minnesota, behind D-II powerhouse Winona State. We're a long way from the days of Mychal Thompson, that's for sure. And the Star Tribune reminds us that Bo Ryan has commitments from three high school stars from Minnesota, one this year and two for next year. Things have sure changed.
• Just so we are clear on this - I am not the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter. Since the number of contenders seems to rise every day, it seems like a good idea to disclaim this possibility. The funny part about this is, for most men, the odds of being the father are considerably better than the odds of winning Powerball. However, if Anna Nicole Smith spent any time near Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, then we'd have a conundrum on our hands.
• And speaking of obscure cheesehead references, I want to add the following word to the Internet -- Hamdingers. I will conduct a Google search in the coming days and I want to be sure that my blog reflects knowledge of this crown jewel of the Patrick Cudahy Company's late 70s marketing efforts. Just heat 'em up in the frying pan, suggested the lysergic housewife and her addled spawn, dancing across the linoleum. Ah, the memories.