Goodbye Anna Nicole

Talk about low hanging fruit – how can you not discuss the demise of Anna Nicole Smith, who died yesterday under mysterious circumstances at the age of 39? When you have a piñata of this size, you gotta take a few swings. Here goes.

It took maybe 45 seconds for various media outlets to compare Smith, a troubled blond bombshell, to Marilyn Monroe. Nope. Monroe was, in her own sad way, vastly more consequential than Smith. Monroe starred in some outstanding movies in the 1950s, including one all time great film, Billy Wilder’s “Some Like It Hot.” Monroe had short-lived but memorable marriages to Joe DiMaggio, an equally iconic mid-century American hero, and Arthur Miller, the great dramatic voice of mid-century verities. Monroe was a talented singer, dancer, actress and comedienne. She may have been romantically involved with the Kennedy brothers. That’s a hell of a life. Forty-five years after her death, Marilyn Monroe is still a household name. That’s saying something.

Anna Nicole Smith’s path is very different. Like Monroe, she posed nude for Playboy magazine. But Smith was something different; I think the term I’m looking for is “sexual entrepreneur/venture capitalist.” She was able to parlay her somewhat cartoonish good looks into a romance with a nonagenarian plutocrat, J. Howard Marshall, and fought Marshall’s family for many years for a share of his estate. The camera, as it often does, found her as she lived a dissolute jet-set lifestyle. Her weight waxed and waned. She was involved in a bizarre “reality” series on television. Her last months were tumultuous, as she lost her 20 year old son while awaiting the birth of another child. Even in death, her sexual proclivities are part of the conversation, as two men claim paternity of Smith’s five month old daughter.

I know all these things about her, even though I studiously avoided paying any attention to her life. I didn’t even need to refer to Google; it’s all common knowledge. Those who are part of the popular culture firmament are really ubiquitous. If you are even marginally engaged in the world, it would be well-nigh impossible not to have seen and learned things about someone like Smith. Sometimes I wonder why Smith and others similarly situated (Paris Hilton is the obvious example) are famous. But the reasons don’t particularly matter. It’s like talking about the weather.

Smith now takes her place with Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Princess Di in the Famous Ladies Who Died Too Soon wing of celebrity Valhalla. While I doubt Elton John will rewrite his song “Candle in the Wind” for the unfortunate Miss Smith, perhaps someone else could do the honors. Maybe Kid Rock would be up for it.

When John Lennon was murdered, Mick Jagger infamously remarked that it was a “good career move” for Lennon. So it appears to be for Anna Nicole Smith as well. RIP.