Mercury Blues

So the wife and I were settling in for our usual 10 p.m. session with DFL Don Shelby and his cast of telegenic enablers, when lo and behold, we find out about breaking news from New Brighton. It’s a mercury spill at the parish school of St. John the Baptist, our parish. Crack reporter Jason DeRusha stands in a darkened parking lot, interviewing a well-bundled Catholic schoolgirl about the mortal peril she encountered. She has to get new boots, we learn. Her well-bundled friend or sister, we never learn which, does not get her chance to talk to the reporter. She is there merely to shiver and look forlorn, apparently. Nor is it explained why these students are still standing there, in their school uniforms, more than seven hours after the incident occurred. Back to you, Don.

Meanwhile, we learn today that all activities at the parish are cancelled for the next three days while hazmat crews comb the parish to ensure that no one suffers any effects from the small amount of mercury that apparently fell to the ground someplace in the downstairs hallway, near the science laboratories.

Meanwhile, this morning the Star Tribune website reports:

The New Brighton Fire Department, the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency, the state Department of Health and the North Suburban Hazmat (hazardous materials) Team were at the school to assess the leak and work on cleanup.

What, no Department of Homeland Security? Where’s Jack Bauer? Why isn’t he on this?

I am amazed at how alarmed we get about things like this. I do not propose that anyone go wading in a pool of mercury, but the precautions that are taking place in this case are an extreme case of overkill. What likely happened is that a broken thermometer leaked a small quantity of mercury and some of it got tracked around. Not a good scenario, but the chances that anyone will suffer any long-term consequences from this are essentially nil. I remember sitting in a high school chemistry class, almost thirty years ago, watching the teacher demonstrate how mercury moved in a sealed plastic container. To my knowledge, no one in my class suffered any long-term effects from the demonstration, although many of us were singularly adept at self-inflicted brain damage in other social settings. Now, the teacher who did that would probably get carted off.

Are we better off? Who knows? Are we safer? Arguably we are. But I wonder.