Guilty Pleasures Part Sixty-Nine: Staff Picks

Fearless Maria is here and she's reminded me of something.

Dad, the visitors to the neighborhood maybe don't always like our songs. But that's because you're always picking weird stuff, you know.

I've heard that criticism, yes.

Well, why don't we have our staff pick out some songs that they like and then let people vote on that? We'll see who they agree with! That's a way to take the guilt out of Guilty Pleasures. And the disgust, too! I think there's a bit of Music Justice to that!

Well, we believe in justice around here. Truth, too. And even the American Way.

Dad, stop the Superman stuff! Superman wasn't always so super, you know....

True, but we can try to pick out some super songs, doncha think?

You betcha by golly, wow. And no, that is not one of the songs! And besides I really don't want to have to critique their atrocious fashion choices. Those tuxes are so long they could be tutus! It goes along with the ballerina moves. Dad, what's the name of that band?

The Stylistics, Maria.

They should change their name to the Style-Challenged!

I'll send them a note about that. Anyway, whose song should we choose first?

Let's put the HYYYPPPE-master out of the way first, Dad!

That would be the Benster, who has volunteered this song, which only came out about 20 years before he was born:

Dream On

Dad, that's some long hair on those guys. And what's with the full orchestra? That's weird. Even a bit uncalled for, too.

Well, I guess they're trying to dress it up a bit, even though they decided to go with the bad hair. And I can think of a weirder use of an orchestra.

Dad, did the person who created that scene have a few drinks before he filmed that?

Don't know. It's hot out there in the desert, though, so maybe. Anyway, Benster's pick is "Dream On" by Aerosmith. Who's next?

Well, we got Uncle Stinger on the phone and asked him about his favorite song. Assuming Dad heard it right, this is what he picked -- it's New Order:

True Faith

You know what, Dad? I think Bernard Sumner needs to get a new order of that old book. You know, that old book called "The Definition of Weird." In case you haven't read that one, here it goes: Once upon a time there lived the three Primary Brothers. They were all shaped like Humpty Dumpty and liked to act like they were walking on the moon. And of course, they wore red, yellow and blue. And then, not too far away, there was a weird Japanese figure doing some sort of sign language and also looked a bit like Humpty Dumpty as well. And finally, on the streets of Weirdville, lived a bunch of street boys. Some of them were slapping each other and the others did very odd stuff and were sometimes disrespectful.

Is there more to this story, Maria? I'm fascinated.

Well, yeah, Dad. Then they were all caught by the authorities and the smartest police officer said, "Odd citizens, you have all done something that no citizen has done before. You completed the definition of extremely weird." The end.

That's an interesting tale, Maria. But I'm confused -- is there a moral to the story?

Yes -- just act normal. Can you send a memo to Bernard Sumner about that?

Okay, although I'm getting a lot of writing assignments from this post -- it's like being at work.

I have to keep you on your toes, Dad. Meanwhile, rumors are floating around that Mom's favorite song is next.

Where did you hear these rumors, Maria?

Dad, you know:

I Heard It Through the Grapevine

That's a really cool version - Marvin Gaye singing a capella. What a voice!

I thought so too, Dad. Better dancing than those Humpty Dumpty guys that Uncle Stinger likes! But the version with the background music is pretty great, too!

So should we just concede the contest to Mom, then?

No, Dad! What fun would that be? As good as Marvin Gaye was, we don't know that all our guests would choose him! So what's your song, Dad?

It's hard for me to choose, Maria. I like so many songs. But I'll pick this one:

Ticket to Ride

Now remember, this is my song, Maria. Be gentle in your analysis, please....

Well you know, Dad -- the Beatles were fairly good skiers, but there was one part where they were free falling. But at least they were better than the "agony of defeat" guy!

But did you like the song, Maria?

Well yeah, Dad. Who doesn't like the Beatles? Maybe someone who reads this doesn't and will tell us!

Good point, Maria. So what's your choice?

Well, Dad, I thought about this one. And then I thought about this one. And I even thought about this one. But I like rock and roll, Dad. So I chose this one:

Smokin' in the Boys Room

I don't like cigarette smoke at all, Dad. But this song is smokin' hot!

Deep down, I knew you were a rocker, Maria. But what does the audience like?

Well, don't be shy, Dad! Let's ask them to pick their favorite in the comment section! I know it's been a while since we did one of these, but you haven't forgotten the rules, have you Dad?

Nope. I remember. Listen to what Fearless Maria says, y'all. I know I do.