Frankie's Back. . . .

And suddenly the Twins are in 1st place, winning 6-2 over the Indians today. As amazing a season as 2006 was, this year might be even more amazing. None of the pitchers in the Twins starting rotation were pitching in the major leagues 3 years ago. Rick Anderson is some kind of genius.

Cue the Calliope

The wildest dreams of the assembled hordes of Bristol, CT have come true. Brett Favre will be reporting to the Packers tomorrow.

The author of the piece I've linked to is Gene Wojciechowski. He wrote a very good book about 20 years ago concerning the sportswriting business. The book is titled Pond Scum and Vultures. I have a copy. Seems pretty prescient, since that's what we've been dealing with throughout this farce.

We'll see you on the field, Brett. You've gotten what you wanted. Now I hope that Mike McCarthy closes practice to the press for the next three weeks and that all the satellite trucks are forced to decamp in Little Suamico. That would be what I want.

Well, yeah

I am 9% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

And I was very careful not to drool on the keyboard when I took the quiz.


(H/T: Anti-Strib)

Say a prayer

Two friends of this feature need your prayers.

Leo Pusateri's son Doug and his near-fiancee Brooke were in a motorcycle accident early Friday morning, hitting a deer. Doug is okay but Brooke has had some traumatic injuries. She is getting treated at a hospital in Fargo and it appears that she is beginning to recover, but she will have a long road ahead. Leo provides the details here and Brooke has a Caringbridge site here with more information.

Meanwhile, our favorite SoCal correspondent Gino is dealing with some health issues related to a cyst on his cheek that may be a tumor. Gino discusses his situation here and here, with evident and justifiable frustration over the deportment of some of the caregivers who don't seem to care that much. Gino's already had enough heartbreak this year and while he's one of the toughest-minded guys I know of, even tough-minded guys need support.

KSM's Involuntary iPod

Heard from my former B of A protege Aaron the Hippie yesterday, who forwarded a link to an article from the ever-reliable Guardian ("We Want to Be Pravda When We Grow Up"). It turns out that a Canadian intellectual property lawyer (which seems like a non-sequitur at multiple levels but I would assume are a lot of fun at parties) is musing that the music that is being used to "torture" prisoners at Guantanamo Bay should be subject to royalties as a public performance.

My patchouli-besotted pal asks the pertinent question:

Leaving aside questions of how ASCAP may be stopping torture where the constitution didn't; What pop tunes would you include on your torture list?

Aaron suggests the following:

Afternoon Delight by the Starland Vocal Band (which if not working with you I possibly would have never ever heard)
·Mmm-Bop by Hanson
·Anything by ABBA.

This is an impressive list, although I will admit that I like ABBA. A word to the wise - watch out for a hippie with a mean streak.

Aaron's suggestion drew an immediate rebuke from our mutual friend Strolling Amok, who also likes ABBA. SA (whose blog is on temporary hiatus) suggested the following:

I'd have to go with anything in the Toto, Air Supply, etc genre. I'd chew off my own leg to get away from that stuff.

Too much information, SA. But we take your point.

Here's the thing - conservatives are supposed to be the heartless bastards, but here we have a bunch of bleeding hearts who have a leg up on us in the torture department. Well, that simply can't stand, now can it?

That means it's time to open it up to the vast North American Mr. Dilettante reading audience and come up with the right songs to torture by. While we could probably save time by simply listing out the tracks on any random K-Tel record from the mid-70s, it's more fun to come up with our own.

So here are a few additional suggestions to get the ball rolling:

"Billy, Don't Be a Hero" by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods, an especially cunning choice because it was meant to be an anti-war song.

"Run, Joey Run" by David Geddes. No further explanation should be necessary.

"Sometimes When We Touch," by Dan Hill. Note to KSM and colleagues: 72 virgins not included.

"Life Is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me)," by Reunion. This one brings any party to a screeching halt.

"Ahab the Arab" by Ray Stevens and "Midnight at the Oasis, " by Maria Muldaur. Kind of a package deal. I especially dig the tambourine playing on the latter.

But now I turn it over to you. What other songs should our guests enjoy midst the breezes from the sea?

Denied!!!!

We got back from picking up my son from Tomahawk scout camp last night and I decided to check the ol' blog to see if anything had happened. And I got a note from Internet Explorer saying that access was denied. I wasn't sure if the Googlebots were on the loose again because someone had declared that any site with anti-Obama stuff on it was spam (this has been an ongoing problem for Blogger users). But that's not it.

According to the guys at Little Green Footballs, the problem is related to Sitemeter and those using IE7. Not sure what's happening with it, but if you want a workaround, the obvious one is to download a different browser like Mozilla Firefox. That's what I did. Or you could delete Sitemeter. Hopefully at some point the smart guys will figure out how to fix the issue. But if you are using IE7 as your browser, now might be a time to try something else....

The Bridge

It was a year ago today. I pray for the families of those who died that day. And it's worth remembering the great efforts that the first responders provided. As bad as the collapse was, it could have been much worse.

The Month of Ghosts

I hate August.

For most people, August is pretty good. It's a big vacation month and in Minnesota it is the time of the State Fair, which is always a time of great joy and gastrointestinal excess. It's one of the nicest months in Minnesota, with warm days and comfortable nights. Most people I know like August and it's perfectly reasonable. There's a lot to like.

But not me. I hate August.

In my family, August is the Month of Ghosts. The reason for that? My father passed away on August 30, 1990 and my mother passed away on August 14, 2000. Even as those events pass further back into the miasma of time, they still hurt.

The funny thing is, this month should be pretty good. We have family events back in Wisconsin and a vacation to Chicago planned for the middle of the month. As regular readers of this feature know, I was born in Chicago (technically the highly fashionable suburb of Berwyn, self-proclaimed "City of Homes," which I assume is used to differentiate it from equally fashionable Bedford Park) and we haven't been back for a number of years now. It will fun to play tourist and take the kids to see Sue at the Field Museum and maybe have a cheezborger at the Billy Goat, among other requests I expect to honor. That will be great and my kids will have a wonderful time there.

It's been a tough year for a lot of people I know - I've had to write too many obituaries in this space in recent months. Sometimes it's tempting to think you can take the approach that this song suggests (about September, but never mind that). But that's not how you deal with ghosts. The best way to fight the Month of Ghosts is by adding good memories. So that is what we are going to do.

Cheesehead Agonistes

Not so great a time for your average Wisconsin sports fan. The situation in Green Bay looks more and more like an Ionesco play and in Miller Park, our beloved Brewers get swept out of their own yard by Stover's Boys. Oh well, I always try to take the advice contained in the first line of this song.

Open Question to my Democratic Pals

Here's the current state of play in the debate over drilling in the Senate. Enjoy the tennis match between Sens. McConnell (R-Ky.) and Salazar (D-Colo.).

So tell me, portsider friends - how will this play? Discuss. Oh, and my conservative colleagues can play, too.

(H/T: Captain Ed)

Take Five

I love YouTube because it seems like so many really cool things are now available. Especially music. And best of all, you can share it with people.

I was trying to play a variation of the old "next five songs on your shuffle" meme. Instead, let's play deejay. I was a college deejay at the mighty 90.3, WBCR-FM, during my college days. My show was pretty odd - half new wave/punk, half 60s soul, with a smattering of classic rock as a bridge. So tonight I'm going to play deejay and pick five of my favorite songs and present them to you. No votes, but I would be curious about your five favorites.

First up is my favorite from the Fab Four. The clip is an excerpt from the movie "Help," which was not nearly as good as "A Hard Day's Night" cinematically but was chock full of great songs. Including this one, with one of John's best vocals, tricky time signatures and lots of other goodness. Here are the boys cavorting in the Alps, singing

Ticket to Ride

Next up, my favorite 60s soul tune, from the most dramatic singer in the Motown stable, Levi Stubbs, and his compadres in the Four Tops. The Tops weren't as consistent as the Temptations and certainly less influential than Marvin Gaye or Smokey Robinson, but when they were on their game, they were magnificent, and this is their crowning achievement. From a 1966 appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show, here they are, singing

Reach Out I'll Be There

Next, the title song for this post. Dave Brubeck is still going strong, pushing 90 and still performing. While he never reached the level of genius that Armstrong, Ellington, Davis or Coltrane did, I greatly enjoy his music. And his most famous work still sounds fresh, 50 years on. Here is Brubeck and his group from 1961, featuring the brilliant saxophonist Paul Desmond, performing

Take Five

So if Brubeck wasn't a genius, who was? Well, Miles Davis, of course. And John Coltrane. And around the same time that Brubeck and Desmond were creating their best work, Davis and Coltrane were collaborating with Gil Evans on one of the most influential records in the history of jazz, Kind of Blue. And the best piece on Kind of Blue is this one. Here are Davis, Coltrane and several other collaborators in a 1959 performance of

So What

And finally, something from the Only Band That Matters. At the end of 1979, I was a junior in high school and I heard something startlingly new. I've owned this album in one form or another ever since. And while this song isn't my favorite from the album, it's probably one of the best performances/statements of purpose in the history of rock and roll. It's the Clash, performing

London Calling

So, if you were to "Take Five," which five would you take?

Watching Justin Morneau Through a Picket Fence of Tiaras

Twins win 6-5. We ended up leaving early because my daughter has a friend over tonight for a sleepover and they wanted to come back and do sleepover stuff - you know, watch movies, tell ghost stories, giggle - that sort of thing. We did see the crucial 5th inning, when the Twins put together a typical rally - a dink here, a dunk there, a few walks, a rattled pitcher (tonight's victim the immortal Clayton Richard) and Justin Morneau applying the coup de grace with a line drive that you could have hung all the laundry in New Brighton on. Typical stuff for the Twins. Glen Perkins didn't pitch especially well, but did just enough to win the game. The Mighty Whities laid waste to our heroes in Chicago last month, but strange things seem to happen under teflon skies. And suddenly a team that has three rookies in the starting rotation is only a half-game back.

As I mentioned, we took Maria's friend to the game with us, since Ben is up at scout camp this week. It was her friend's first major league game and she had a pretty good time, even though she wasn't always sure what was going on. The most amusing part of tonight's game was that we were seated directly behind a bevy of beauty queens. The Aquatennial is going on right now and all the contenders for the Queen of the Lakes beauty contest, from ports of call throughout the Gopher state were at the game tonight. You could see them all, from Richfield, Coon Rapids, Willmar, Duluth and towns I'm not familiar with. There were several young Nordic-looking lasses from the Minnewaska area sitting in front of us, all sporting plastic tiaras and sashes draped over their Joe Mauer t-shirts. The young ladies were having a splendid time munching Dome Dogs, taking pictures of themselves with their cell phone cameras and half-heartedly attempting to get a wave started. Word may not have reached Minnewaska that the Wave was passe a few years before any of them were born. Maria and her friend were amused at the spectacle, but neither seemed especially interested in taking a walk down the runway themselves later on. I can tell I'm getting old, because I was more interested in watching the game than the spectacle in front of me.

I realize that a lot of people are eagerly awaiting the new ballpark that's being built on the other side of downtown Minneapolis. It should be, from all accounts, a cozy little bandbox with a neat view of the Minneapolis skyline and enough skybox revenue to keep the Pohlad family smiling in perpetuity. And on summer nights like this, it's tough to go inside a dome to watch a game. But I'll say this - the Twins have had great success in this building and I really suspect that we will miss the reviled old Dome once it's gone.

Close Encounters of the Teflon Kind

We’re off to the Metrodome tonight to watch the Twins battle the ever-menacing White Sox. We’ll be sure to say hi to A. J. Pierzynski for y’all. Full report tomorrow!

There are some who call me. . . . Tim?

So the rumors du jour in the Veepstakes are that a pair of governors named Tim are getting scrutiny from the respective campaigns. The Tim that McCain is considering is our old pal Tim Pawlenty, governor of our fair state, while the Tim that might have caught Obama's eye is Tim Kaine, governor of Virginia. So will either of these Tims lead their searchers to the Holy Grail?

I understand the logic of both picks. T-Paw has been a loyal McCain supporter throughout and has been an effective surrogate for McCain out on the road. He's certainly had his share of success here in Minnesota, especially winning in 2006 in what was in retrospect a very tough year for Republicans. We all know his strengths and weaknesses pretty well here in Minnesota, although you'd get disagreement regarding what specifically those strengths and weaknesses are, depending on who you talk to. He's smart, affable and politically adroit, but you have to wonder if he wouldn't be susceptible to getting the Dan Quayle treatment once he hits the national stage.

Kaine has been governor of Virginia since 2006. He is, like all Virginia governors, limited to one term. He has had some success but the word you hear about him is that he's pretty ho-hum and it's not clear that he could deliver the state to Obama. Like most Democrats, he's popular in Fairfax County but not so much elsewhere. He's Catholic and has been fairly pro-life by Democrat standards, which might be a deal-breaker for some of the feminists that Obama will need. The biggest knock on Kaine is that he has run big budget deficits. The one thing I didn't know about Kaine until recently is that he was born in St. Paul.

Bottom line - these two guys would certainly be adequate vice presidents, but it's difficult to see that either would bring any real benefit to their respective tickets. I'd like to see McCain be bolder. I'd like to see Obama pick someone with a little more gravitas. The problem is the ideal candidate to run with the Lightworker is this guy, and he hasn't been available for a long time now.

Bob Novak

News came out this afternoon that longtime Chicago Sun-Times columnist Robert Novak has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Novak has been on the beat in Washington for half a century now and has seen it all. He and his long-time writing partner Rowland Evans were two of the best reporters in Washington and broke countless stories. He’s best known these days for his role in the Valerie Plame kerfuffle and recently got himself into trouble for a traffic accident where he hit and injured someone. Novak said he didn’t see the guy he hit. If he has a tumor, that’s quite possible. When I had my pituitary tumor diagnosed last year, one of the first things that doctor did was take away my car keys.

At this point we don’t know much about Mr. Novak’s prognosis; we’ll revisit the matter later today once we know more. Meanwhile, say a prayer.

Working for the Clampdown

The news often seems an unceasing parade of evil. It's easy to forget since we live in a place where people can say pretty much anything they want about the political leadership (and do), but in many places in the world people are not free. There are more kleptocracies, dictators and bad eggs running things in the world than there are countries where freedom is a given. But sometimes, like in the final reel of an old Hollywood Western, the bad guys get it in the end.

Two of the worst guys who have tread the world stage in the last 20 years are now apparently about to be brought to justice, or at least brought low. The first is Radovan Karadzic, the Serbian thug with the bouffant hairdo who oversaw the destruction of Sarajevo and the killing of thousands of Croats and various Balkan Muslims in the goal of creating Greater Serbia. Over 15 years on from the actual events, it's easy to forget the savagery of the wanton killing that took place in the region, much of it at Kardzic's direction. He had escaped justice for a long time, hiding in plain sight in Belgrade as a sort of New Age shaman, until he was finally arrested this month. It appears that he will finally be called to account for the atrocities that he oversaw, a modern-day war criminal facing the apparatus of the Hague.

Meanwhile, it appears that the reign of terror in Zimbabwe may finally be coming to an end. Robert Mugabe, who took power from the white leadership nearly 30 years ago now, steadily devolved into a typical African kleptocrat who thought nothing of impoverishing his people. The country he took over had a horrible history of racism at the hands of the whites who had run it as Rhodesia, but with abundant resources and a lush landscape, Zimbabwe was well poised to be a success story, a happy ending. But by 1985, it was already becoming clear that Mugabe wasn't about to let it happen. In the 23 years since then, Zimbabwe has become perhaps the biggest basket case in Africa, which is saying something. In recent weeks Mugabe was threatening to nationalize pretty much everything, after having stolen yet another election. Today it appears that the regime may finally be coming to an end. Thabo Mbeki, president of neighboring South Africa, has told Mugabe that the game is over. It's not clear yet what the endgame will be, but it appears that Mugabe's political rival Morgan Tsvangirai will, at a minimum, share power. In the end, it is possible that Mugabe may join Karadzic in the cell block.

One of the reasons I get so irritated with the fools who prattle on about Chimpy McHitlerburton is that they don't seem to have any concept what real evil is like. President Bush will return to Crawford, TX on January 20, 2009 and it is highly likely that either Sen. Obama or Sen. McCain will take the oath of office without any shots being fired. There is no question about it. I am a Catholic of German-Irish ancestry, a minority in Minnesota. I do not worry about Norwegian Lutheran death squads coming 'round to kill me. I do not worry about the government taking everything I own away from me, although sometimes Larry Pogemiller does seem a smidge too covetous of my stuff. I do not fear the sniper's bullet or the tread of the secret policeman's boot. I post my thoughts on a blog that anyone can read and don't worry in the least that my public declarations will cause me any lasting harm, except for the occasional flame from a commenter. We are fortunate, highly fortunate, that we live in a place where we can believe any silly thing, say what we want and get up the next morning and do it again.

Cross-posted at True North

Sunday Funnies

I've spent too much time this month discussing two figures who irritate me - Barack Obama and Brett Favre. And a fair amount of what's been written here has been mocking and just a smidge bitter. Hey, kvetching can be fun, but let's face facts -- it gets old. So today, I thought we should look at something else entirely. I want to talk about funnymen.

We lost George Carlin earlier this year. Carlin was a very funny comedian and social observer. While Carlin continued to perform almost until the end of his life, he'd largely faded from the scene and a lot of younger people really didn't know a lot of Carlin and his work. While some of it was of its moment, his larger observations had a timeless quality to them.

There are several other comedians out there who are still alive but whose work isn't seen as much any more. The four men I'd like to feature today are all still alive and it's good to recognize them while they are still with us. They are all a half generation older than Carlin and they are worth thinking about and appreciating while we still have them.

The first, not suprisingly, is my favorite comedian, Bob Newhart. Newhart is now 78 years old and my understanding is that his health is a little dicey. His name came up earlier this year primarily because of the passing of Suzanne Pleshette, his co-star in his highly successful 1970s vehicle The Bob Newhart Show. Newhart had already been successful for well over a decade before that show aired and some of his early stuff is absolutely hilarious. Here's a representative bit from 1965, featuring Newhart as an embarrassed customer attempting to return a gift to shopkeeper Dean Martin, who is improbably dressed in a tuxedo. Part of the fun is Dean Martin cracking up repeatedly.

Speaking of Dean, one of the highlights of his old television show on NBC was the celebrity roasts. I remember watching these when I was a kid. I didn't always get the jokes, but my dad's laughter was usually enough to get me (and my brothers) roaring along too during the wacky hijinks. These roasts often had a jaw-dropping array of talent on them - Jack Benny, Orson Welles, Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra and lots of others were regulars. I'm posting two quick clips featuring two very different comedians roasting the then-governor of California. Fella you may have heard of named Ronald Reagan. First is the brillant but now largely-forgotten Jonathan Winters (now 82) in his Maude Frickert outfit pretending to be Reagan's first-grade teacher from Tampico, Illinois, and second is Don Rickles (now 82 as well), doing that voodoo that he do so well. And because it was the 70s, for some reason Mark Spitz was on the dais. And while were at it, here's a 9 min. distallation of the roast of Muhammad Ali. Watch the clip then riddle me this - could you get by with saying some of this stuff on network television any more?

Finally, here's something that dates even a little farther back. It features the great sketch comedian Sid Caesar (now 85) and Nanette Fabray (who I remember most from appearances on Match Game), pantomiming an argument to Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Funny, inventive, dazzling and not a word is spoken.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Because doing something about energy prices is too hard, some of the bien pensants up on Capitol Hill held a tantrum, I mean hearing today to do some play acting impeachment stuff.

They were all there: Dennis Kucinich, John Conyers, Maurice Hinchey and Zoe Lofgren were all there to posture and heap calumnies on Chimpy McHitlerburton.

Conyers expressed his profound regrets that they didn't have the guts to do what they wanted to do, mostly because if they were serious they would be hooted off the stage.

Lofgren suggested that The Current Occupant (as this guy so lovingly refers to the President) was "the worst president that our nation has ever suffered," causing audible sighs of relief from Plains, Georgia.

Hinchey, last seen suggesting that it was time to nationalize the oil companies because he knows more about the industry because he might have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express with Hugo Chavez (it's easy to get confused about this) suggested that "this is the most impeachable administration in the history of America because of the way that it has clearly violated the law," using the same standards of evidence that he had previously used when he explained that Karl Rove had planted the Rathergate memos.

But it wasn't just Congresscritters having a whack at the piñata. Vincent Bugliosi, who prosecuted the Charles Manson case 40 years ago and has been coasting ever since, was there to hawk his wares, acknowledging that "I am forbidden from accusing him of a crime, or even any dishonorable conduct" under House rules. But he could still encourage people to read his book, "The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder." Here's a tip, kids. Read Helter Skelter instead. But check it out from your local library.

There was a voice of reason in the room, though. That would be Jeremy Rabkin, a law professor at George Mason University. His take?

"The tone of these deliberations is slightly demented," Rabkin said. "You should all remind yourselves that the rest of the country is not necessarily in this same bubble in which people think it is reasonable to describe the president as if he were Caligula."

Professor Rabkin, you've got it all wrong. Caligula was a piker compared to Chimpy McBushhitlerburtonplameslayerviolatoroftheconstitutionratbastardkatrinacauser. Just ask these folks.

When You're a Jet, You're a Jet All the Way

Okay, after a one-week moratorium in re: Brett Favre, we may have some news to ponder. Brett's bobo Chris Mortensen is reporting that the Jets have received permission to talk to Favre. The scenario that is being floated is that Favre will report to Packers camp and then the Packers will trade him to the Jets for a draft pick or maybe some of Eric Mangini's pocket lint or something.

That would be just about perfect. It would get Favre out of the NFC and send him to a place where (a) there's almost no chance he could bite the Packers in the butt and (b) he would learn how good he's really had it in Green Bay all these years. Wait'll the Daily News, Post and Newsday get a hold of this guy. I can already see the headlines now:

Flustered Favre Fails Again

Do Us a Favre and Retire, Already

Come Back, Chad Pennington -- All Is Forgiven

Jets Fans Nix Hix From Stix (sorry, that would be from Variety)

QB Gave Better Performance in "There's Something About Mary"

Headless Quarterback in Topless Bar

If this plays out, all I have to say is have fun in New York, Brett. And look on the bright side - at least this guy won't be around to torment you.

Come to the Cabaret

You have to understand the way I am, Mein Herr... You've had every cause to doubt me, Mein Herr.

So the cabaret came to Berlin, for one night only. Another performance before a rapt audience, not at the Kit Kat Club, but instead out in the open air in front of the Siegessäule monument, though most of the attendees were ineligible to provide the support the performer needs. The performer didn't wear a bowler hat and a garter belt, but he managed to attract a crowd in Berlin that rivaled other performers of his sort, as many as 200,000 people.

There's no need to invoke Godwin's Law here. The performer in question is a politician, not a nascent dictator. If he succeeds in his quest, he will have the world stage for a maximum of 8 years. But like the Emcee in the Kit Kat Club, he is a particularly cynical performer. Even as the cleaning crews were removing the debris from the Tiegarten, his operatives had already started milking the event for more money. Money makes the world go 'round.

The show rolls on to Paris tomorrow. Enjoy it, folks. Hopefully it won't end like this.