Anyone who pays attention to politics and the antics of our betters on the Potomac has known the truth about the Leader of the Free World -- he is an officially undiagnosed dementia patient who happens to have access to the nuclear codes. Thursday's debate performance should not have astonished anyone, but apparently people in and around the Beltway are all Claude Rains right now - shocked, shocked at the condition of Joe Biden.
It's crap, of course - everyone knew the truth, but pretending not to know the truth has been the game for a very long time now. Even when he was in the greatest command of his faculties, Joe Biden was a blowhard dullard who would lie about anyone and anything. For years he claimed the truck driver who was involved in the accident that killed his first wife and his daughter was drunk when the crash occurred. This was a lie. He claimed academic credentials he did not possess. He claimed to be a coal miner, a political protestor who was arrested in Soweto, a truck driver, a denizen of black and Puerto Rican churches. He used the words and life story of the British politician Neil Kinnock in a stump speech. All of this is known and easily available in the public record. Yet his primary political campaign message in the last two cycles has been about his truth telling how he is a better and more honorable person than his opponent, Donald Trump. And Biden's supporters parrot every word and notion put forth.
If the donks are committed to jettisoning Joe Biden, tonight will be the night to kick off that effort. I am guessing Biden will be all hopped up but won't have the stamina to mount a full-blown State of the Union address without a meltdown.
So, old dude, remember when a Lions-Bills Super Bowl was likely? That would have been fun. Instead, we are stuck with a boring matchup that nobody outside of Kansas City and the Bay Area asked for. You really do hate to see it. We will discuss Dan Campbell later.
Kinda tired of both these teams. Not gonna lie. But we do have to finish this out.
And we will! Nevertheless, I am still feeling the HYYYYYYPPPEEEEEEEE! for Sunday, and am ready to pick this game. Watch me work.
Taylor Swift Private Jet Tracker Kansas City Chiefs (+2) vs. San Francisco 49ers Oh, this game at least should be good. The Chiefs are back despite dealing with a ton of drops, dodging bullets, and an AFC that couldn't dethrone them despite other teams looking good. The Niners have a lot more pressure on them. You see, everyone talks about Kyle Shanahan as this genius, and how the Niners have a ton of talent. Both those things are not hot takes at all, but the thing is they have been denied in cruel ways. Remember, Shanahan was the second biggest culprit behind 28-3, and blew a lead to the Chiefs 4 years ago on the biggest stage, and needs this badly. The Niners also haven't won a Super Bowl since 1994, even though they have been close a number of times. The Niners remind me of the Giants before 2007, where they were often good but unable to close the deal. The Chiefs losing this Super Bowl won't harm Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes. Their legacy is secure, and even the greats have lost Super Bowls. I like the Niners to break through and finally get their ring. At the very least, they would be someone who haven't won in a while, and I respect that. Niners 29, Chiefs 19.
Deebo missed the boat that day he left the shack. But that was all he missed, and he is coming back.
Huh?
A musical interlude:
Oh my goodness, it's 70s poisoning!
I gotta be me, grasshopper.
Well, could you at least pick the game?
Sure, why not? And remember I could have picked this:
Looks like you just did. You're stalling.
I guess I am. Okay, here goes. I think the 49ers are more talented, but they've been scuffling through the playoffs. The Packers should have beaten them and the Lions certainly could have, if not for some questionable decisionmaking from their head coach, which I believe you'll be discussing anon. The Chiefs aren't necessarily the most buttoned-up outfit, either, but they seem to have their act together at this point. And I have learned not to bet against Andy Reid or Patrick Mahomes, even if they have to put faith in Kadarius Toney or Marquez Valdes-Scantling. Somehow it works. Chiefs 28, 49ers 23.
And now, it's time to dunk on Dan Campbell and the LOLions. You thought I was going to glance over that? Oh, you know I wouldn't. I've said that my problem with Dan Campbell isn't in his culture or as a motivator. He did produce the goods this year, and have no problem admitting that. But the constant aggressive playcalling was going to catch up with him. The bottom line is that the Lions had the Niners dead to rights, and thanks to Campbell giving up 6 points by trusting his offense, he ended up costing his team. Part of being a head coach is showing growth. He has been making the same mistakes for a long time, and refuses to change. The worst part is that this might have been the best chance for the LOLions. Da Bearz have a bunch of cap space and picks, the Packers have a bright future and are getting out from under Aaron's contract, and the Vikings will have better injury luck. You might have caused the Same Old Lions to come back. I hope you are happy Dan. If I were the Lions front office or ownership, I would have ordered him to dial back the aggression and hired a situational management coach to protect Campbell from himself. He needs to learn to be smarter as a game manager.
I can't argue with you.
Arguing with me never works any way. But hey, thanks so much for reading us this year, and enjoy your football this weekend. For the last time this year, Ben out.
Yes, I'm still here after what happened last weekend in the Bay Area. Bottom line is that there were mistakes made by the entire team, and as long as they don't waste this failure, they will be back. No need to do a Very Special Comment, since that would be unfair.
This season turned out so much better than I could have expected. Yes, they kinda blew it against the Niners, but I see a path forward, especially because of something that happened later in the week.
The Packers also did the right thing by getting rid of Joe Barry. While the guy had some success down the stretch, the defense needed a new voice. Whoever that new voice is, I hope that he can bring success to the team.
Precisely the event I was referencing. Some of the apparent candidates are promising. Eager to see what happens. Meanwhile, football season continues, right?
That's right, Geritol Fan! I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Taylor Swift The Eras Tour Live From Baltimore Kansas City Chiefs (+3.5) vs. Baltimore Ravens So this game is going to be an interesting one. After ripping the soul out of the Bills fans last week in Buffalo, the Chiefs are looking to get back to the Super Bowl. Oddly, we haven't seen a Mahomes/Lamar playoff meeting yet for whatever reason. The Ravens feel like a team that is very hungry for success and Lamar is having the type of run that will shatter all of the narratives about him. What is going to decide this is that the Ravens defense is a very physical one, and will contain the Chiefs. Also, look for Mahomes's weapons to let him down once again. Ravens 26, Chiefs 22.
Like this?
Forget the Boney Moronie, it's the Toney Moron-ey
That would be the appropriate scenario. Ravens have been on a mission all season. Lamar makes me nervous, but I think they get it done this time. Ravens 31, Chiefs 23.
Detroit LOLions (+7) vs. San Francisco 49ers The Niners did ride their luck last week against the Packers, but did make enough plays to win in the end, and it's fair to acknowledge that. Having Deebo Samuel be available for this game is a huge boost, as the Niner offense looked very shaky without him. There is a lot of pressure on the Niners to win this game to avoid not having a ring and for their front office to make some difficult decisions. But there is pressure on the Lions. They have yet to win a road playoff game since 1957, which is a long time ago. It goes without saying that this is the best chance the Lions have had to win a championship in most people's lifetimes, and with the rest of the NFC North getting better, who knows what the future holds. For the loser of this game, this will be one of those games that will be a tough one to lose. When in doubt, go for the desperate team at home. Niners 45, LOLions 23.
My guess is it will be closer than that, but I agree. The Lions have a tendency to do something inexplicable in big moments. They are absolutely stepping up in class as well. The 49ers can be beaten - there's no question of that. Whether the Lions will get it done is another matter. 49ers 28, Lions 24.
I have one simple question to start. How Bout Them Cowboys? Seeing the Packers go into Jerry World and just lay waste to the Cowboys gave me vicarious joy. Oh, we are going to laugh at them later.
Why wait? Let's laugh at them now!
Jerrah and Dak are not happy
I have more to say, but that's a good start, although I'm surprised that Jerry Jones isn't using his giant forehead for advertising space. I also need to offer a sincere apology to the Packers. Earlier this year I called for everyone to be fired. I'm glad that I blew that take, and that's on me for being reactionary to a bad run.
I don't know why things changed, but things have improved a lot in the ol' 54301.
I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Houston Texans (+9.5) vs. Baltimore Ravens The Texans had an equally impressive performance, and I feel like the DeMeco Ryans deserves to be named Coach of the Year. Houston has gone from being a terribly run organization to an organization that nailed their head coach hire, nailed finding the right quarterback, and seems to be steps ahead of where most thought they would be. But this won't be easy in Baltimore. The Ravens are arguably the most complete team in football, and Lamar really seems like a man on a mission to prove the doubters wrong, and I am not surprised that fellow Knox alum Todd Monken has done a great job in changing the offense to better suit Lamar's strengths. I like the Ravens to win a game that is going to be close into midway through the third quarter into a deceptive score. Ravens 35, Texans 17.
I really like Stroud and I believe he and Love will face each other next season, which should be fun. Baltimore will not be fun for the Texans, however. I think the Ravens are simply better top to bottom and will prevail. Ravens 31, Texans 23.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+9.5) vs. San Francisco 49ers Last week was the best playoff performance the Packers had since the 2010 blowout against the Falcons. Nobody gave this young Packers team a chance, but they played almost a perfect game to be the first 7 seed to win a playoff game. But this won't be an easy trip to the Bay Area on a short week. The Niners have very good reason to believe that they are going to win the Super Bowl, and are going to be very healthy and rested after their bye. But I have been sensing a little bit of nerves among Niners fans. Kyle Shanahan and John Lynch have done a great job the past few years, no question. But they haven't broken through, and if this game gets tight late, there could be some doubts about if another playoff loss is coming. The Packers have nothing to lose. Even if they get blown out, this team has done way more than I could have fairly asked for, and the future is looking bright with more cap space coming. They won't get blown out. Packers 13, 49ers 10.
Oh, they could get blown out, but I don't think they will be, either. Having said that, it's going to take even more to beat the Niners than it did last week. Do they have enough, especially when stopping Christian McCaffrey is the assignment? 49ers 31, Packers 27.
Tampa Bay Bucs (+6) vs. Detroit LOLions Tampa deserves a ton of credit for rebounding after Gisele's ex finally retired. They have a defense that plays, and a win here would really be a strong Ewing Theory case study. I am happy for the Lions and their fans. I've made a lot of jokes about them in the past and am not a big fan of Dan Campbell as an in game coach, but they've validated the hype that they were given. This feels like the type of game that Baker really wants. He would love nothing more than to go to the Motor City and spoil the party. I think that Baker will do just that, with help from a Bucs defense that wants to remind everyone that they want to be remembered as winning a Lombardi trophy as the heart and soul of the team, not Gisele's ex. Bucs 28, LOLions 12.
I'm not sure if Tampa was impressive or if the Eagles were terrible last week, but if I had a guess I would go with the Eagles being terrible. Tampa is a good team but I can see the Lions figuring out how to stop him. This will be a fun game, but I see the Lions moving on. Lions 27, Bucs 20.
Taylor Swift's Football Era Kansas City Chiefs (+2) vs. Buffalo Steakhouse Analogy For the first time, Patrick Mahomes will be playing a true road playoff game. This is the first time that these two teams have played each other in the playoffs since the infamous 13 Seconds sequence two years ago. The Bills need this one, as Mahomes has been the guy who has ruined their playoff dreams in this current era of AFC football. If Buffalo doesn't win, then a lot of questions are going to be asked about the Bills and their core, coaching staff, and front office. When in doubt, pick the desperate team at home. Last time I checked, this game was in Buffalo. Nobody Circles The Wagons Like The Buffalo Bills 50, Too Many Chiefs Commercials 49.
This one will be flat-out hostile. Buffalo's inconsistency really troubles me, but this Chiefs team is not as good as previous editions. The elements will not be a factor, but I think the Bills break through as well. Bills 34, Chiefs 31.
And now, it's time to dunk on the Cowboys. God, seeing the Cowboys get destroyed after all of the talking they did. All this talk about the Packers being an easy opponent, how they were going to end the curse now that Jimmy Johnson got in the Ring of Honor, all of Skip Brainless talking about how his Cowboys were going to dominate, and they come out like that? It's time to admit that even though the Cowboys may have dominated the Packers in the 1990s, that was against the historical trend. Skip, why don't you just admit that you hate the Packers because the Packers ruined your childhood during the Ice Bowl. Cry more.
The best part is that Jerry decided to keep Mike McCarthy around. We warned you, Dallas. We told you that he needs high end talent to bail him out of trouble, and that he was a big reason why the Packers didn't get the second ring for Aaron. But you didn't listen, and are doubling down on him. Jerry once again has proven that he learned nothing from March of 1994.
You want to know what advice I'd give to Jerry? Simple. He won't listen to this, but he has two options. The first one is to get him and Stephen away from football operations and let the professionals do their jobs. You want to know why the Yankees were so good in the 1990s-early 2000s? It's because Gene Michael and Buck Showalter were able to have the time they needed to fix the problems that George Steinbrenner caused with his constant meddling with the front office after he got banned from baseball. The second option I would tell Jerry is one that he would never do, but at this point should be considered. Sell the team. The Cowboys at this point aren't as much a football team but more a vanity brand for Jerry, and he ain't doing a good job as an owner. Even Cowboys fans agree. But Jerry won't sell the team. At this point, he's a liability as an owner, but nobody wants to admit it. I'm dead serious. Coaches and players have changed, but Jerry is the constant since the last time the Cowboys made the NFC title game.
Enjoy your football this weekend. Also, if you are looking for something to do on Saturday the 20th, go to the Border Battle to watch some high school basketball. It's at Benilde St. Margaret's in St. Louis Park. You'll be glad you did. Ben out.
Remember when everyone said that the Packers were going to be going into the wilderness and that Jordan Love was going to be a massive bust? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Certain parts of the Upper Midwest are hotbeds of wishful thinking, especially where football is concerned.
In other news, I wasn't fired by anyone nor am I announcing my retirement in what will be the craziest offseason of coaching changes that I have ever seen.
Yeah, it's quite the coaching carousel this year. And the fun is just beginning.
I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Cleveland Browns (-2) vs. Houston Texans Big credit to the Texans for being here. I always liked CJ Stroud at Ohio State, and he was able to help turn around a frankly awful Texans team into division champions. The Browns have been up and down all year, but somehow Joe Flacco was able to come out of the wilderness and take the Browns to January football. Don't forget that Flacco is a Super Bowl winning quarterback, which is something that few other teams have. The Browns have a defense that will play well, and are a sleeper team to watch. Don't be surprised if they make a deep run. Browns 21, Texans 10.
I sure enjoyed watching Stroud this year in the few chances I had to see him. The Texans are in their customary playoff spot - first game of Wild Card Weekend. They are at home. But the Browns are better. That's a sentence I haven't had to type in a long time. Browns 24, Texans 20.
Miami Dolphins (+4.5) vs. Taylor Swift Eras Tour Kansas City Chiefs This game shouldn't be on Peacock. It's not the NFL's fault that Comcast failed at creating a streaming service that nobody asked for, and whoever came up with this idea should be ashamed of themselves. Also, the weather in Kansas City is going to be awfully cold, and I wouldn't attend that game if you paid me. The Chiefs have issues with catching balls, and this is the type of weather that is going to cause drops. So while the Dolphins are going to be wishing that they could go back to South Beach, this is a game that they are going to win. The worst thing is that Mahomie has a contract that is going to be a big hinderance to keeping talent, and the Chiefs front office has to nail every pick in the draft going forward. Dolphins 60, Chiefs 34.
Somewhere a songstress is distressed:
Dammit, Benster!
Keep it up and she might write a song about you, pal. As for the game, I'm not buying what you're selling. Both of these teams are inconsistent, but the Chiefs have a track record of winning in Kansas City at this time of year. I suspect that continues, even though I have my misgivings. Chiefs 27, Dolphins 24.
Pittsburgh Yinzers (+9.5) vs. Buffalo 13 Seconds The Steelers being here amazes me, and can only be described as Mike Tomlin having some sort of luck modifier. The Steelers offense is a mess, no TJ Watt, and they win games thanks to their stars bailing them out after giving the Yinzers heart attacks every other week. But they got in, and that's all you can ask. This game is going to be in awful weather as well, and should be a good old fashioned rock fight. As for the Bills, it's clear that Sean McDermott needs to just let the Bills play. They have all the weapons, but for some reason there is something off about the Bills this year. Josh Allen needs this one, or there are going to be some uncomfortable questions asked about if the Bills core is the right one, or if their steakhouse menu needs to be changed. Never forget the steakhouse metaphor. Bills 7, Steelers 6.
It's more of a wings joint, but that's okay. Bills should win easily. It won't be easy. Bills 24, Steelers 20.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+7) vs. Dallas How Bout Them Cowboys The Packers being here is the best coaching and management job that this organization has done in my time being a fan of the team. Jordan Love answered every single question asked of him and more, this team is young and only going to get better, and no matter what happens on Sunday this season has been a success by all reasonable metrics. The Cowboys have all of the pressure on them. If they don't make the NFC title game and end that drought, Jerry will make changes. I've sensed a little bit of nerves from Cowboys fans and their media enablers, but regardless this will require the Packers to play their best game of the year. But you know that I am a delusional homer and back the Packers no matter the odds. Packers 33, Cowboys 23.
About two months ago, we were ready to fire everyone. Things have changed pretty substantially and you do have to give credit to the Packers for sticking with their plan. The reward is probably going to be a short visit to the playoffs, but I like the Packers to make the Cowboys nervous. Cowboys 31, Packers 27.
Los Angeles Rams (+3) vs. Detroit LOLions The funny thing about this game is that Matthew Stafford will be playing quarterback at the first playoff game at Ford Field. Little did anyone guess that he will be making his return to Detroit as the visiting quarterback. The Lions are good, and deserved to win the division as they were the most consistent team in the NFC North. However, the next step is that they need to win a playoff game, and that has been a challenge. My issue with Dan Campbell is that while I get why he does things the way he does, his coaching style costs the Lions at times. People want to complain about the Cowboys ending a couple weeks ago, but Campbell left points on the board by being aggressive, and that is going to come back to haunt him against a team in the Rams that have a Super Bowl pedigree and are looking to spoil the Lions getting their moment. Oh well, you at least have Michigan? Rams 21, LOLions Gonna LOLions 0.
It's easy to forget the Rams won the Super Bowl fairly recently. They have done a nice job of retooling and this will be a tough one for the Lions. But I do think they have it in them to win. Lions 35, Rams 28.
Philadelphia Eagles (-3) vs. Tampa Bay Bucs Honestly, the Eagles are looking like the Phillies last fall. If you remember, the Phillies were talking a lot of stuff about how they were going to overcome losing the World Series, and ended up losing to a D-Backs team that was young and hungry after a collapse that looks obvious in hindsight but was ignored by the baseball community. The Eagles collapse is real, and honestly I think that this team can't fight their way out of trouble. The Bucs are hungry, and are a team that I feel is getting overlooked. They have a quarterback in Baker Mayfield who is looking to prove the doubters wrong, a defense that will play well on any stage, and are looking to prove that they didn't win their ring by just getting Gisele's ex and his merry band of football mercenaries who all somehow fit under the salary cap. Bucs 40, Die Eagles Die 0.
The Eagles are talented but dysfunctional. The Bucs are limited but organized. I tend to agree with your assessment, if not your score. Bucs 24, Eagles 19.
After ESPN and the CFP hyped up Alabama for a month like nobody's business, the SEC won't have a team in the title game? You know I am going to enjoy dropping some truths that the SEC won't want you to hear.
You better watch out, you'd better not cry. Bensterman is coming to town!.
Meanwhile, the Packers have a chance to get into the playoffs by beating the Bears.
Always a pleasure when accomplished.
I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Washington Huskies (+4.5) vs. Michigan Sign Stealers, in Houston Ah yes, no SEC in sight for once. The real winner of this game no matter what is going to be the Big Ten, who will get a rematch next season and the ability to claim that the national champion is in their conference next year. Michigan didn't look great, but were able to get past Alabama. Washington is a team that I love. They are well-coached, play very well, and are untainted by scandal. Regardless of what happens, this game is going to be a lot of fun and should be at the level of the 2006 Rose Bowl. Huskies 38, Jim Harbaugh Can't Win On A Level Playing Field 33.
Do we need to hear it again?
Few things are more majestic and yet more annoying. And the off-color version they sing in Madison is pretty amusing, too. As for the game, I think it will be a classic. Michigan is not a big muscle-bound group; they have superior athletes all over the field. But I have to say that Michael Penix is something else. He's going to play on Sundays and play very well. Washington 28, Michigan 27.
Minnesota Vikings (+3.5) vs. Detroit LOLions Oh my, the locals are not happy about what happened to the Vikings. When JJ got shut down by Joe Barry of all defensive coordinators, you know that you have issues. Now the Vikings are going to need an absolute miracle to make the playoffs, and could see the Packers make the playoffs in a rebuilding year. The LOLions need to get over what happened last week. Regardless of what you think about the refs, the Lions made a number of bad coaching decisions and let the Cowboys stick around to win it late. Dan Campbell may have done a great job getting the Lions their division title, but he still makes questionable decisions in games and is using the refs as a scapegoat to cover for his own flaws. He's not a first year coach, and those types of decisions could haunt them down the line. How a tough minded city like Detroit gives him a pass for his excuses is beyond me, but it's not my problem. Even if the Lions rest some starters, the Vikings are going to have a tough time winning in Detroit. Lions 24, Vikings 14.
The Lions won't rest their starters. I don't think the Vikings will phone it in, either, but the team I saw on Sunday was not impressive. Vikings fans can't have nice things after all. Lions 31, Vikings 20.
Bear Down Chicago Da Bearz Still Suck (+3) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers Last week was a great performance by the Packers. They did a lot of things right, and just need to win one more game against the Bears to win, and are getting healthier for once. But this won't be easy. The Bears have been playing better, are playing for jobs, and they remember getting blown out all the way back in Week 1. Also, the Bears always play the Packers tough given the nature of the rivalry. If the Packers can keep doing what they have been doing, then I like their chances. Even if disaster strikes, the future looks a lot brighter. Packers 28, Bears Still Suck 17.
Jordan Love looks like the real deal. He's played very well down the stretch and the young receivers and tight ends wearing green and gold are varied and impressive. The Bears are getting a lot of, well, hype this week. I think they are improving and with the fortification of a million high draft picks in the spring, I think they'll be a problem. But in the end, rivalry ownership remains closer to the 45th parallel. Packers 27, Bears 20.
And now, it's time to laugh at the SEC.
Here's a bitter face to begin the festivities:
I'm a very unhappy man with an enormous forehead
Don't post pictures like that, old dude - you're going to scare away the paying audience.
Wait - you're getting paid?
If you keep interrupting, you're gonna pay, all right. Ahem. After all of the hyping up ESPN did about how the SEC is a beast, how they are the greatest conference, and how Oklahoma and Texas are going to be such a great fit, it turns out that you won't have any schools in your 2024 lineup in the national title game being held in SEC country. You really hate to see it. The Big Ten is laughing in their offices in suburban Chicago. It turns out that Alabama didn't deserve to be there, and don't forget that the Big Ten makes more money than you do, even with you adding Texas and Oklahoma. The Big Ten is adding cable subscribers at the in-market rate in California, Washington, and Oregon. You are only adding in market rate subscribers in Oklahoma. The Big Ten makes 9 million dollars more than you do per school, and will get to go to the media rights well before you do thanks to you waiting until 2034 to redo your big shiny ESPN deal. The Big Ten has a minimum of 3 games on network television every single Saturday, and the top 3 games that the conference offers have a defined timeslot. You threw away the SEC on CBS 2:30 timeslot. When is your best game going to air? The Big Ten is a national conference. You are a regional conference in the Southeast. When the Big Ten increases their lead on you in the financial arms race, I'd worry about losing your top brands. The alarm clock is ticking, Greg Sankey. I suggest you answer it. But you won't do that. Instead, you will have ESPN and the SEC fanboys continue to be yes men while you ignore that college sports is changing and your cycle of dominance may be coming to an end.
Seriously, I've had enough of Joe Barry. His performance on Sunday was a complete joke, and it's getting to the point that the Packers need to fire every single one of the defensive coaches. The guy has been given plenty of time, resources, and power to mold this defense. It's not working, and you need to pull the plug.
Oh, so we're back to firing again?
Yes, we are.
Well, I'm glad you're being somewhat more selective in your dismissals.
I may be an irrational, shameless homer, but I try to be reasonable about it. Meanwhile, the Vikings are up a creek right now. JJ really came back for this?
It's next man up, ya know.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
I'd ask what the heck you were doing, but it's clearly not contributing anything positive to this feature.
My work is done, then.
No, you still have to pick some games. Meanwhile, I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEEEEEE! Watch me work.
Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (+10) vs. LSU Tigers, in Tampa The Badgers have had an up and down season, but the good news is that this team got into a New Years Day game somehow. By the way, the tailgating is going to be an incredible scene. It sucks that there are a ton of opt outs/portal guys in this game. I realize why, but with NIL the money excuse doesn't fly as much. That is a topic for another day, though. The Badgers are going to have to slow down LSU's offense, but the good news is that the Tigers are not a great defensive team. This should be a close one, but the Badgers hopefully can continue their bowl winning streak. Badgers 35, Bayou Bengals 23.
LSU is far more talented. They don't have their Heisman-winning quarterback, though. Not sure who the Badgers will have going, but historically the Badgers play well in bowl games. Is it enough? LSU 27, Wisconsin 20.
Alabama Crimson Tide (+1.5) vs. Michigan Sign Stealers, in Pasadena It's a shame that this wasn't a Michigan-Washington game as an end of an era game, but that's just another thing that the committee screwed up in picking this game. Alabama has gotten a lot better, but Michigan wants to take the next step and play for a national title before the NCAA goes after Harbaugh and he flees to the NFL like Pete Carroll did. With the Big Ten-SEC cold war heating up next year when they start their new look forms, look for Michigan to use their great defense and more experienced quarterback to at least have a championship game that doesn't involve the SEC. Jim Harbaugh Can't Win On A Level Playing Field 28, CFP Committee's Favorite Team 14.
Alabama is getting the hype. Not sure why, though. They haven't won that impressively this year and while the talent level remains stellar, it's not clear they have better talent than The Victors. Michigan 27, Alabama 17.
Texas Longhorns (-4) vs. Washington Huskies, in New Orleans Ah yes, the unofficial other Big Ten-SEC semifinal. Texas might be back, but they are going to go to a tougher neighborhood and a third conference to cause a ton of drama. Washington is a legit team, and I look forward to having them join the Big Ten next year. What makes me like Washington in this game is that they are tough, and won all of their games in the toughest conference in America and beat the Ducks twice. Their defense is very good, and their offense is very explosively deadly. Even though this might be a partisan Longhorn crowd in New Orleans, look for the Huskies to try and get back to the Don James mold in winning big games. Huskies 49, Texas Isn't Back, Folks 48.
Washington has quietly been awesome all year long. They have everything they need to win. And so they shall. Washington 31, Texas 23.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+1) vs. Minnesota Vikings So in the interest of full disclosure, I ended up watching the Packers game and missed almost all of the Vikings game last week. When you give up 30 points to Panthers of all teams, you know that the defense is bad, and the Packers were bailed out by the offense and the clock running out in the nick of time. Jaire Alexnder was right to be suspended, as you can't just walk out to the coin toss and almost screw it up. Don't worry, Vikings fans. Jaren Hall will look like an elite quarterback and it wouldn't surprise me if Joe Barry's 5D chess brain will have Preston line up against JJ. But the good news is that the Packers will overcome that to win a game, because the Vikings history tells us that in big games, they don't often win. Sorry, you know it's true. Packers 24, Vikings 17.
I have no idea who wins. I would recommend betting the over, though. Vikings 35, Packers 33.
So, who replaces Joe Barry? This list is who I want to, and is in no particular order.
Jim Knowles: Defensive coordinator at Ohio State. While he has been mostly a college coach, I like how tough minded he is and how he was able to find success at Oklahoma State given that the Cowboys play in an offensive league in the Big 12.
Jim Leonhard: Analyst at Illinois. While he doesn't have any pro coaching experience, he has developed a lot of good defensive players at Wisconsin, and brings a lot of the Rex Ryan scheme with him.
Daniel Bullocks: Safeties coach for the Niners. He is someone who is considered and up and comer and has been a big part of the success that the Niners have had on defense. Would be a good hire.
Chris Hewitt: Secondary coach for the Ravens. Ravens have had a great defense this year, and Hewitt could view this as a promotion given that the Ravens are very stable in terms of coaches leaving. His defensive backs are fundamentally sound.
Sean Desai: Defensive coordinator for the Eagles. With Desai having been demoted from the defensive playcaller role, it wouldn't surprise me if he might leave the Eagles. Would be a fresh voice and someone who would have learned from his first year being a coordinator.
Mike Zimmer: Analyst at Colorado. He has a point to prove given how his time with the Vikings ended, and is a great defensive mind. Tough coach, and wants to be in the NFL in 2024. Why not come back to the NFC North?
Bringing Zimmer to Green Bay would be pretty amusing, actually. Don't see it happening. Desai might be a guy to bring in, but I'd suggest waiting until after the season ends. There may be a better option out there that's not on your list. But we'll see. Just don't bring in Uncle Rico.
Oh, I won't. That's the list. Enjoy your football this weekend. Ben out.
The Packers need to fire Joe Barry yesterday. How is he still with the team after being given multiple chances and plenty of resources/support to do his job?
The Packers are loyal until they aren't. Otherwise, I got nothin'.
The good news is that Florida State isn't suing this blog.
Why would they sue this blog? Are we channeling Peggy?
You haven't been conducting transactions with some cat emporium?
No, but it's a thought. I do like insulting the Seminoles, but we'll get back to that eventually, too. Meanwhile, I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat (+4) vs. Bowling Green Falcons, in Detroit The Gophers shouldn't be in a bowl game, but thanks to the constant need for the networks to give us bad football, here we are. PJ knows playing Bowling Green well from his time in the MAC, and he has never lost a bowl game as head boat rower for the Gophers. Quite frankly, the Gophers need to figure out their identity on offense and stop with the outdated offense. They should win this game, because Big Ten teams don't lose to MAC teams, right? Row Row Your Boat Elitely 45, MACTION 0.
Well, sometimes they do. Including to Bowling Green fairly recently. But I think the Gophers will win. Gophers 21, Bowling Green 17.
Detroit LOLions (-3) vs. Minnesota Vikings The Vikings last week deserved to lose after throwing away a 14 point lead, combined with some horrific playcalling in overtime. How do you run the same play twice in a row? I thought that KOC was a good coach, but seriously? The LOLions are looking to prove that they aren't the same old Lions, but this is the type of game that they can lose. Remember, the Vikings want to make the playoffs so that they can avoid outright disaster and give the front office the ammo it needs to blow this team up. And if the Packers get in, then all of the locals who mocked the Packers all offseason are going to collectively melt down. Vikings 21, LOLions 14.
We'll get to the Packers shortly, I assume, but that's a separate issue. As for this game, it's going to depend on the Vikings defense. The Lions run hot and cold, but they certainly have weapons. Home game, so I'll go with the locals. Vikings 24, Lions 20.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (-4.5) vs. Carolina Panthers Last week was a complete disaster for the Packers, as they let Baker Freaking Mayfield have the best performance by a visiting quarterback since Mike Vick in 2002. The biggest issue I had with the defense was that there was a refusal to blitz at all. Baker struggles against the blitz, so why not just let him sit back and not get pressured? Thankfully, the Panthers are a complete joke of a football team run by a moron in David Tepper. If the Packers let Carolina look good, then you have issues. Thankfully, the Carolina based Packers fans are going to take over that stadium. Packers 60, Panthers 0.
So a team that plays terrible defense is going to pitch a shutout the next week? I don't see that. I do see the Packers winning, but it won't be easy. Packers 27, Panthers 19.
Enjoy your football this week, and watch some football if the relatives decide to argue about politics or family drama at gatherings this weekend. You'll thank me later. Ben out.
No, that title isn't inflammatory at all. The Vikings have some big decisions to make involving Kirko and JJ, and quite honestly, their management might want to blow it up. This game against the Bengals is going to go a long way toward answering that question.
Two teams without a quarterback. Two teams that expected better. Two teams that are glad not to be the Chargers.
All true, Geritol Fan! I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Minnesota Vikings (+3) vs. Cincinnati Bungles So it turns out that the Vikings dodged a bullet last week, where despite playing horrifically awful football, the Raiders somehow made Josh Dobbs and the Vikings offense look like the Greatest Show on Turf at their peak. The Bengals are without Joe Burrow, and are still in playoff contention. To expand on why I think that the Vikings are going to blow it up, consider that Kirko has won 1 playoff game with the Vikings. I'm also going to note that the Vikings have only appeared in one playoff game with JJ, and lost that playoff game. In JJ's case, consider that the other key pieces of the 2019 LSU national title team besides JJ have all gotten to the Super Bowl at a minimum, including Chase, Burrow, and Edwards-Helaire as of this point. Now, you can call me biased because I am a huge fan of a division rival, but those are objective facts. The Vikings already began the shedding of veteran contracts, and the front office has gotten to see what this team looks like without Kirko and JJ sadly because of injuries. The Vikings need this one badly, and Nick Mullens looked good in relief, and should play well enough to win. Vikings 24, Bengals 7.
Those may be facts, but they may not be relevant. As for this game, I'd suggest paying attention to Vegas. I think the Vikings will make it interesting, but I don't see them prevailing. Bengals 24, Vikings 21.
Tampa Bay Bucs (+3.5) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers The last time that the Bucs came up to Green Bay, it was one of the worst playoff losses I have seen the Packers take. Thankfully, Gisele's ex is nowhere to be seen. What frustrated me about the Packers on Monday was that while the defensive coaches screwed up the coverage, it never should have come to that. The offense and special teams left a bunch of points out there, and when you lose by 2 that means that you can't blame the defense. The Packers and the Bucs both need this one for playoff status, and the Packers need to finish drives and play a lot better. I am going with the ever popular Desperate Team at Home Theory combined with the fact that I am a homer and make no secret about who my favorite NFL team is. Packers 31, Bucs 14.
It's who you are. It's what you do. Baker Mayfield is okay, Mike Evans remains dangerous, but other than that I'm not sure where the points come from. Bucs can play defense, but this is not the same team that showed up in Green Bay a few years ago. I was actually hoping for something like this, but El Nino is not cooperating.
The worst day of Steve Young's life
Packers 23, Bucs 16.
No rant this week!
Really?
I'm all about the Christmas spirit, old dude! Enjoy your football this weekend, and may the Premier League give Everton our 10 points back. Ben out.
Oh, you know I have words for what went down with the college football powers that be last weekend. That decision was like seeing Michael Jordan airball a layup on purpose.
Looks like Mike took it personally, too.
Meanwhile, the Packers are very much in contention after taking out the Chiefs last week. Though it was nice of Taylor Swift to show up at Lambeau to hang out with my Aunt Coco, who was a happy shareholder as the Packers gave her a great birthday present.
Most people in the know prefer Coco to Taylor (or maybe Koko Taylor), but I'm guessing ol' Taylor will shake it off. Or something like that.
I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYPPPPEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Minnesota Vikings (-3) vs. Las Vegas Raiders The Vikings are still in playoff contention and will get a huge lift this week as the Griddy Man has been cleared to return. The thing is, Josh Dobbs has struggled and will get the start again, which has some locals questioning the move. The good news is that the Raiders are a team that is led by morons. Josh McDaniels may have been fired, but Al Davis would have fired everyone about 10 times over if he was still alive. The Vikings should win, but this is the type of game that the Vikings fans love to make uncomfortable. Vikings 24, Raiders 17.
I for one am glad Jefferson is back, because it will certainly help my fantasy football team. The Vikings really needed the bye to reset things. They should be able to beat a highly questionable Raiders team, but as the young fella says, it's going to be uncomfortable, especially if Maxx Crosby gets a head of steam going Vikings pull ahead late to make it look more impressive than it will be. Vikings 28, Raiders 16.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (-6) vs. New York Football Giants Last week was a fantastic performance by everyone. I have been very critical of this team this year, but it's hard to argue with the results. Jordan Love has been great, Matt LaFleur was on fire calling plays last week, the Packers made defensive plays when they had to, and it was the best performance I have seen this year. I'm also really glad that the Chiefs didn't blame the refs, which is a stupid argument to make. Lest we forget, the bad calls went both ways. The Giants are a mess this year, which surprises me. This won't be easy, but the Packers should win given that they are getting healthier. Packers 35, Giants 10.
No Aaron Jones? No Jaire Alexander? No problem! It's been an amazing if weird stretch of games for the Pack, who have really improved as the season goes on. The young receiving corps is growing in front of our eyes and this is the time of year where A.J. Dillon pays off. Giants can rush the passer and they do have offensive talent, but Tommy DeVito is not an NFL quarterback long term. I think this one goes well eventually. Packers 28, Giants 20.
And now, it's time for me to blow a gasket and yell about Florida State getting screwed last weekend. Before I unleash, a quick disclaimer. I am not blaming the Alabama players, coaches, or Nick Saban for being happy or defending their inclusion. They are just doing what they had to do, and the ire belongs somewhere else.
Where is that?
Oh, I'll tell you. What the playoff committee did on Sunday when they explained their reasoning was an utter disgrace and super disrespectful to Florida State. I don't care about how "bad" they looked, they won every single one of their games! That's freaking hard to do. I watched the back end of the ACC title game last week, and what really impressed me about Florida State each time I've seen them this year was that they are a complete football team. This wasn't Jordan Travis and a bunch of scrubs. Their defense played incredibly against a good Louisville team, and they were ranked 4th coming into last weekend. What happened to not dropping a team that didn't lose?
ESPN happened, I think.
What really was disgraceful was what the committee chair said about the Jordan Travis injury. Florida State is a great team with a great defense, and they rallied around their backup quarterbacks to win. Jordan, I know that you probably will never read this or see this, but you have nothing to apologize for about getting injured. It wasn't your fault and I hope that you come back stronger and better than ever for whatever your next challenge is going to be. I'm rooting for you. The other 21 starters, Mike Norvell, and his coaching staff were told that their success was down to one guy, which is a really mean and cruel thing to say. I bet the chairmen wouldn't say that to their faces. You don't win with just one guy in college football.
Unless the one guy is head of the committee.
In regards to the SEC, nonsense like this is why I have been warning about peddling the narrative that they and ESPN try and sell you. The SEC this year was down. They had a losing record against the ACC in the nonconference, and to be frank the Pac 12 and the Big Ten were just as strong if not stronger than the SEC this year. Despite all of the talking points by Greg Sankey and the ESPN talking heads, their top brands were all shaky. Georgia struggled at times, Alabama needed Auburn to forget how to defend a Hail Mary, South Florida to not do anything offensively, Jimbo to get outcoached, and Ole Miss to melt down in the second half just to stay in playoff contention. Heck, the marquee OOC SEC game involved Alabama getting cooked by Texas at Bryant Freaking Denny. I'm also going to point out despite the SEC having a bunch of success on the field, their leadership is still 10 million dollars short in terms of revenue distribution to their member schools, and that gap will only grow as the Big Ten gets to go to the media rights well before the SEC does, even though the SEC added both Texas and Oklahoma to their conference. I'd love to ask Sankey why that revenue gap exists despite the SEC having better results, but professional SEC cheerleaders like Paul Finebaum and Clay Travis don't want to risk upsetting their beloved conference. Like it or not, money matters in college sports and the Big Ten is winning that race.
The results on the field would suggest otherwise, but in the long term you're likely to be correct.
So what would I have done? Simple. I would have had the playoff be Washington, Florida State, Michigan, and Texas. What I would have sold is that these are the four teams who won it on the field, and any criticism about leaving out Alabama would have relied on the head to head. In the future with the 12 team playoff, the committee should be former coaches and players, who would be given clear guidelines for seeding and bids. Results on the field are the only thing that matters, and that their job is to simply seed the teams and pick the at larges. I would get rid of them doing rankings, instead having a bracket preview similar to college basketball coming out a week before Thanksgiving. Is this proposed system perfect? Of course not. No system is. But what we saw last week was a load of well, bullshit, and should never be allowed to happen again.
Last week was a very fun weekend for someone like me. I got a bunch of people who I need to take some shots at.
He's a jolly sniper, this Benster.
Also, I was surprised to see that there was a boat crime at Huntington Bank Stadium. A bunch of Badgers just capsized a boat carrying a bunch of Gophers and PJ Fleck, and happened to take an Axe. Fickell was there, but for some reason decided to encourage those Badgers instead of stopping them. I also noticed that the rowers and the entire boat collapsed in a very #Elite manner. You really hate to see it.
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat! Or maybe it's this:
Who, or rather what, is Camilla Sparv?
I don't know, Seabiscuit. I'm just trying to figure out how Halston got on there.
I was expecting Fred Smoot!
Wrong Love Boat, sir.
Enough of your nonsense, even if it is part of the bit. I have mocking to do and I am feeling the HYYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Michigan Cheaters and the Best (-22) vs. Iowa Hawkeyes Michigan ended up beating Ohio State to keep the Curse of the 6 Game Minimum intact, and their tour to get their accomplishments vacated moves to the Big Ten title game. The shame is that Michigan is too talented to have needed to cheat, but that's fine with them because Jim Harbaugh is a real Michigan Man who would never leave unless an NFL team lets him pull a Pete Carroll. Iowa will be game, but this is too much of a talent gap between them and Michigan. The only way Iowa has a chance is if they can turn this into a defensive struggle. We all know how this is going to end. Or do we? Ferentz Family Nepotism 17, Michigan Can't Win On A Level Playing Field 0.
Uh, no. Iowa is offensively challenged. Michigan is very good at defense. This is not happening. Michigan 24, Iowa 3.
Kansas City Swifties Chiefs (-6) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers Thanksgiving was a fantastic performance by everyone involved by the Packers. I have been very critical of the coaching staff, but LaFleur had a prefect plan, and I loved how he had his team ready to go from the start, and they finished strong. Even though he had one hand tied behind his back with the injuries on a short week. Joe Barry had his best game with the Packers, as the defense was swarming and made the Lions very uncomfortable. Jordan looked amazing, though I have to call out Fox for not having a turkey leg for him. Jordan deserved it, but instead Greg Olsen had to manhandle the turkey in the booth. This won't be an easy game as the Chiefs are very good at football. But this will be a bad weather game, and the Packers are going to be well-rested. Don't be surprised if the Packers win. Packers 23, Chiefs 14.
Actually, I will be surprised if the Packers win. But maybe MVS can drop the game winning touchdown for old times' sake. Can't pick it that way, though. Chiefs 27, Packers 21.
And now, it's time for me to laugh at some teams.
This just in - I found out Camilla Sparv was a glamorous Swedish actress from the 1960s. Quite beautiful, actually.
Sparvelous, actually
That's good to know. Irrelevant, but good to know. Now, back to our regularly scheduled mockery.
Let's start with the Motor City Kitties. The LOLions, Dan Campbell, and their fanbase should be just embarrassed with what happened on Thanksgiving. They played like crap, looked overawed by the occasion, and had some of the worst coaching I've seen this year. Everyone talks about Campbell as this great coach, but he still has some areas of growth. The fake punt he called was a stupid idea, and had no chance of working. And you called it against the Packers special teams, who have been horrible for years. He could have won the game if he had taken the points, but couldn't convert a single 4th down all game. To make matters worse, the Lions have a tough schedule down the stretch. You could blow this division again, and the same old LOLions are in danger of making an appearance. You have some serious issues to fix, so I hope you used the mini bye well. You are going to need it.
That actually seems like good advice. So what's next?.
Ohio State, the warning signs that I warned you about were there on Saturday. You fell down early, and against an even opponent you couldn't ride your high end talent to bail yourself out like you had so many times this year. Ryan Day is on the hot seat because your entitled fanbase can't accept that you will lose to Michigan sometimes. I hope your AD fires him and you go into the wilderness for a bit, because that is the best thing that could happen to your fanbase. Heck, even your legendary head coaches like Woody and Paul Brown lost to Michigan. Coaches lose rivalry games, and it happens to the legends of the game. Heck, even Urban came close to losing a couple of times against Michigan. You need to get a grip on reality and be grateful for your consistency. The Curse of the 6 Game Minimum remains intact. You know how you can lift it.
Are you sure you're laughing? You're coming on like an Old Testament prophet.
I got your Jeremiah right here, Geritol Fan. Now, Vikings fans, welcome back to earth. Losing in that manner at home to Da Bearz was hilarious. Now you know why Josh Dobbs was available, and you have a quarterback controversy. There were warning signs during your winning streak. You almost lost to Carolina, and the Falcons blew that game to you. Did anyone not panic during those two games? All of a sudden, the Packers are right behind you. That's right. The team you called irrelevant and the quarterback that you dismissed could go to the playoffs. If that happens, you bet I am going to have fun with that. You got some serious issues to think about and solve.
It's true. And yeah, it is kinda funny. Here's a live look at Vikings fans:
We have a life outside you, Vikings fans. Enjoy your bye week! Meanwhile, for the rest of you, enjoy your football this weekend. Ben out.
Old dude, if the Lions don't win tomorrow, this will be on the level of the Packers going into Arizona and beating the Cardinals a couple of years ago on a short week with a wrecked football team.
Seabiscuit is setting a narrative.
Oh yes, it's time to get revenge on the LOLions.
The mighty Lions? Somehow that still doesn't sound right.
I am feeling the HYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+8) vs. Detroit LOLions So the Packers beat the Chargers by some divine miracle, and now they get a chance to visit the NFL media's favorite team, the Detroit LOLions. Look, my issue with the Lions isn't that they are good. What boggles my mind is that certain members of the NFL media are forgetting that the Lions were good under Jim Schwartz and Jim Caldwell. So while Dan Campbell is doing a fine job, it's not like the Lions have been consistently terrible in recent memory. Heck, the Lions were a playoff team the year that Barry Sanders quit on them for not being good enough. And I would argue that teams like the Texans and the Broncos have also been major improvements, to say nothing about the Jaguars proving that they are not a fluke. Look, the Packers are banged up, and this is a tough test against a good team on the road, especially after the beatdown in Green Bay in September. But what gives me hope is that the Packers have been quietly playing a bunch of close games lately. They just haven't finished. Don't forget, the Lions were incredibly lucky to escape against a bad Bears team on Sunday. Don't be surprised if the same old Lions show up right on time. Packers 24, LOLions 23.
They hope to dine on better fare this year
I've seen progress, too, but the injury list is daunting. It's going to be difficult to beat a very healthy Lions team when half the team doesn't suit up. Lions 27, Packers 20.
Bear Down Chicago Da Bearz Still Suck (+3.5) vs. Minnesota Vikings The Vikings last week lost because I thought that Brian Flores sat back a little too much last week. On that last drive, he was too slow to adjust to the Broncos dumping the ball off, and it was a departure from how he called the rest of the game. As for the Bears, last week was a brutal collapse for them. They were very vanilla on offense, and let Detroit march down the field. The Vikings need this one, and I will default to the desperate team at home to make sure that the Griddy Man makes an appearance down the line for the Vikings fans to experience maximum pain in January. Vikings 35, Bears Still Suck 0.
The Bears? They really really really really really really suck. Yes, the Bears still suck. Vikings roll. Vikings 31, Bears 14.
A School In Columbus (+3.5) vs. Michigan Release the Manifesto On a holiday weekend based on gratitude and respect for your neighbors, we have these guys playing. Ryan Day and Jim Harbaugh don't seem to get along very well, and this game might make the 2006 game look tame by comparison. For the Buckeyes, this game has taken on an air of importance for Ryan Day. If the Buckeyes don't win in Ann Arbor against a Michigan team dealing with cheating allegations and an interim head coach, the crazies will blow up the Ohio State fan sites and Ohio sports radio call in lines calling for Ryan Cooper to be fired. No pressure, huh? I like Michigan to win, as Ohio State is still under the Curse of the Six Game Minimum. If you don't know what I mean, look in the archives. You know what to do, Buckeyes. Michigan Man=Cheating is Okay? 50, #NotMy2020BigTenChampions 45.
A meteor strike seems in order here. On the field, I still think Michigan is the better team, especially with the game Up North. Michigan 31, Ohio State 28.
Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (-2.5) vs. Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat Thanks to Matt Rhule's genius clock management and some heroic performances by banged up stars, the Badgers were able to gut out a victory that means the bowl streak lives. For the Gophers, last week was strange. I know that PJ likes to control the time of possession, but they played very conservatively against Ohio State last week. I get that there is a talent gap, but seriously playing that scared? Lots of grumbling in these parts. I warned you, Gopher fans. But you didn't listen and said I had an agenda. The bottom line is that for the Gophers, this game is for bowl eligibility and to keep the Axe downtown among everything they want this season. Badgers 41, Row Row Row Your Boat Elitely 21.
I don't think the Badgers score 41 points this weekend. But they may score more than the Gophers, which would be enough. Badgers 27, Gophers 24.
Enjoy your football this weekend. If your relatives start arguing about politics or stirring up some drama, go watch some football. You'll thank me later. Ben out.
We will be talking about what is going on at Michigan later on. By the way, at least the NCAA is willing to go after one of their big brands. The Premier League could learn a thing or two from them. Longtime readers know I am an Everton supporter, and we got a worse penalty for a breach of FFP that gave us no competitive advantage than Manchester City breaking over 100 charges and Chelsea cooking their books, and the Big Six clubs for threatening to leave the Premier League during the whole Super League debacle.
So mad at Kentucky they're gonna punish Cleveland State again, I see.
Tark was a cheat, but he was honest, old dude! Meanwhile, last week was a bad weekend for the football teams I love. The Packers at least lost to a better opponent on the road, but the Badgers have no excuses. They are lucky that I want to talk about the Michigan scandal instead.
Fickell is breathing a sigh of relief.
I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat (+27.5) vs. A School In Columbus The Gophers got blown out at Purdue Harbor, and it looks like Row the Boat Fleck will have to rely on the Axe game to get into a bowl game. While I would normally say that this is a trap game for the Buckeyes because they are going to be looking ahead to their trip to Ann Arbor next week, that would be too ridiculous even for my standards. Ohio State isn't going to be looking ahead, and they are going to get off to a better start than they have in their earlier games. While the Gophers will be game, this is a plain and simple talent gap game. Buckeyes 70, Row Row Row Your Boat Elitely 14.
Gophers aren't very good. Ohio State is. Plan accordingly. Ohio State 48, Minnesota 14.
Nebraska Cornhuskers (+6) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers Last week was one of the worst Badger performances at Camp Randall I have ever seen. It's like they expected Northwestern to roll over and die for them, and I'm sure that Fickell was not happy. Nebraska must be the most snakebitten team in America over the last few years, as they find new ways to lose close games. If the Badgers have their crap together, then they can get a bowl game wrapped up, as you don't want the bowl streak to come down to the Axe game. Badgers 34, Cornhuskers 21.
National television. This game is on national television. What a terrible thing to do to the nation. Badgers will probably win. But I am not confident in the slightest. Wisconsin 17, Nebraska 13.
Los Angeles Chargers (-3) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers The Packers played a B quality game, but to win in Pittsburgh required an A game. The Chargers are a strange team. They have a ridiculous amount of talent on offense, but Brandon Staley has consistently done less with more and just like Mario Cristobal at Oregon has wasted Justin Herbert. The Packers looked better, but this won't be easy. What they are going to need to do is feed Aaron Jones and can someone please tell Watson that he can fight for the football? As much as I wish that the Packer brass would make changes at the end of the year, they will continue to bury their heads in the sand. Packers 21, Go Back To San Diego 20.
The Packers aren't good. The Chargers are indeed strange. Packers 24, Chargers 20.
Minnesota Vikings (+2.5) vs. Denver Broncos Remember when this looked like a terrible primetime game a couple of weeks ago? It turns out that the Vikings have life, and the Broncos proved that winning against the Chiefs was no fluke by beating the Bills. Josh Dobbs might be a hero, but a word of warning Vikings fans. This team will get your hopes up, before finding a new way to break your heart in brutal fashion. I think that the Vikings are going to win this game and put a ton of pressure on the LOLions. If the LOLions blow this chance to win the NFC North, I got something special planned for you guys. You don't want me to use it. Vikings 30, Broncos 20.
He's special, so special. Vikings should win this, but I sense a trap at high elevation. Broncos 24, Vikings 21.
You should have saved that video for my next topic!
And now, it's time to dunk on Michigan. The Wolverines had one of the biggest temper tantrums that I have ever seen last week, and it was really incredible. The Big Ten was placed in a tough spot, and Tony Petiti couldn't win. If he didn't punish Michigan, then he would have ticked off the rest of the league. So by punishing Michigan, he ticked off Michigan. Jim Harbaugh has proven that despite Michigan having an overwhelming list of advantages over just about every other football program in the Big Ten, he still needed to cheat twice. If I was Warde Manuel, I would be very concerned about the culture in his department. Michigan football and men's basketball are both coached by alums who are "Michigan Men", and both have utterly embarrassed and disgraced the athletic department. Juwan Howard of course infamously punched an assistant coach in a handshake line after a game against the Badgers, and when he released a statement apologizing, he initially misspelled the assistant's name. Harbaugh broke NCAA rules twice this year, and it's not like they are arcane rules that the out of touch NCAA hasn't updated. The dead period and in person scouting rules aren't new rules. I've seen Michigan and their defenders say that Harbaugh didn't know, but that is a terrible defense. Harbaugh is in charge of the football program, and it's his job to be aware of what goes on in his department. To not know and/or not report it to his superiors is a failure of leadership.
Not knowing things, or pretending not to know, is a central part of life these days, as any visit to a comment section will demonstrate. (Closed circuit to Brad - we aren't talking about you. As far as you know, at least.)
What really sucks in all this is that the Michigan players had nothing to do with this, and are playing football at a high level. JJ McCarthy probably is going to lose Heisman votes, which isn't fair to him. He wasn't stealing signs, and his teammates probably didn't ask questions about where their coaches got the information. I don't blame the players for being defensive of their results, as all they have done this year is win football games, and they should be proud. Blame the coaches, staffers, and athletic department officials who screwed up.
How about global warming? Can we blame that, too?
Go right ahead, Geritol Fan. Now let's get back to my epic rant. What would I do if I were the Michigan president? I would have fired Harbaugh and Manuel for cause. The bottom line is that those men are responsible for running their departments in a clean manner, and they agreed to follow the rules when they signed their employment contracts. Regardless of if they knew, ignorance and/or not stopping the cheating is unacceptable from leaders in any industry.
Unless Merrick Garland reports to you.
You really need to get back to writing about politics, old dude. I can tell you miss it. But that's not what we're doing here. Enjoy your football this weekend. Ben out.
Boy, the NFL and the CBS corporate suits in New York really screwed over Packers and Steelers fans in a lot of markets this week. It's almost like they want to leave money on the table and make me go to a restaurant to watch the Packers again.
They take a lot of ads for Buffalo Wild Wings. Just sayin'.
Meanwhile, the Packers did calm me down a little bit with their performance last week, and it was good to see.
It helps when you play terrible opponents.
I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPPEEEE! and ready to pick some games. Watch me work.
The Bronze Turkey Bowl: Knox College Prairie Fire, Baby! (NL) vs. Monmouth College Scots Ah yes, the Bronze Turkey Bowl. This is one of the oldest rivalries in college football, and the type of local rivalry that is still maintained despite the best attempts of college presidents to chase the television dollar. Longtime readers know that I am a proud graduate of Knox, the greatest institution in the state of Illinois. Monmouth is our biggest rival, and this is the last game of the year. Knox has improved this year, and is going to finish in the lower middle part of the Midwest Conference. Monmouth is trying to win the league. This is where I remind you that Monmouth is an inferior school and when I got a salad at the cafeteria freshman year, Monmouth gave me a degree in nutrition with highest honors and I was named valedictorian. It's time that Knox ruins their season, and we get the Turkey back home where it belongs. Blaze The Knox Fox 24, Scots 21.
Monmouth may be academically challenged, but they tend to kick big butt on the football field. And unfortunately your Knox squad is gonna get squashed. Monmouth 54, Knox 17.
Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat (-1) vs. Purdue Spoilermakers The Gophers were looking like they were going to have a good win against Illinois, before they inexplicably decided to play prevent defense and let the Illini score in the last minute. You really hate to see it. PJ has to rally his troops by using more of his motivational speeches and create new slogans to put on oar branded merchandise available at Goldy's Locker Room. Purdue hasn't claimed their annual how did they win this game win, and Purdue Pete needs to get his quota. Maybe Purdue could stop being mad at Michigan, but that is another topic for another day because that story is moving way too fast. The Gophers are officially on Spoilermaker watch. Spoilermakers 35, Row Row Row Your Boat Elitely 28.
West Lafayette is not a pleasant place to visit. I think the Gophers will win, though, as Purdue hasn't shown much this year. Minnesota 24, Purdue 17.
Northwestern Purple Nerds (+10.5) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers That was a game that the Badgers shouldn't have lost last week, and it falls on the coaching staff. Indiana played hard, and the Badgers came out sluggish, played uninspired football, and Longo didn't put his offense in a position to win. You can't do that in Big Ten play. Northwestern has done a lot better than most people thought after their offseason from hell, and the Purple Nerds tend to save all of their annoying voodoo for Wisconsin. But if the Badgers can get healthy and play better, this game is very much winnable. Get the bowl game and those extra practices now, guys. Badgers 42, Purple Nerds 11.
Bucky will be motivated. Bucky is still a better team. The result? Wisconsin 27, Northwestern 17.
New Orleans Saints (-3) vs. Minnesota Vikings I have no idea how the Vikings won last week, and Josh Dobbs might bring back the magic of 2017. So in the interest of full disclosure, I only saw the last minute live because I was paying close attention to the Packers. But what I did see was the Vikings pulling out a game that they had no business even being close to winning after Hall went out. Now, Dobbs gets a full week as the starter, and will have a better command of the offense as one might reasonably expect. The Saints aren't great this year, but the good news for them is that they play in the putrid NFC South, where all 4 coaches are terrible, nobody knows how good each team is, and someone is going to get a home playoff game over a more deserving 5 seed. The Vikings are very much in playoff contention, and they could play their way back into something greater if the LOLions aren't careful. Vikings 28, Saints 0.
This season is weird. I don't know if the Vikings are legit or not. Dobbs is a pretty good stopgap until whatever quarterback future the Vikings will have arrives. Having the game here will help them, too. Vikings 24, Saints 20.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+3) vs. Pittsburgh Yinzers So despite the fact that WCCO would love to air this game, they can't because the NFL wants me to watch the Vikings despite the fact that this game would get better ratings than the Chargers/LOLions game. Screw you, CBS and the NFL. Once again I will have to make plans to go to a restaurant to watch the game. The Packers last week finally played well, even though the Rams were terrible. The defense did their jobs, the offense looked better, and the team fought through some bad turnovers and more terrible penalties. The Steelers are above .500, which makes no sense. The Matt Canada offense is really bad, and the Steelers rely on their defense and high end talent to bail themselves out of trouble. What really concerns me is that the Packers are banged up on the offensive line. That won't go well with TJ Watt on the other side and the Steelers pass rushers. If you love ugly football, than the matchup between the stoppable force of the Steelers offense and the movable object of the Packers defense is the matchup you wanted. Now, I ask a Yinzer to comment on the Steelers. Warning, this video may include NSFW language.
Now that we have that out of the way, a score: Packers 28, Steelers 20.
I agree with you that the Steelers aren't anything special this year, but the Packers have not solved their myriad problems. And if you hadn't heard, the Packers have not won in Pittsburgh since 1970. That was a different time. Steelers 24, Packers 20.
And now, time for me to rant about the NFL and how they should have fixed the broadcasting situation involving the Packers in the Twin Cities. I wouldn't be writing this if the Packers game was on Fox just like the Vikings game. I get that you gotta do what you gotta do in that situation, and it happens multiple times a year. But seriously not allowing CBS to air the Packers game in the early window here? What did they spike your deli with in the NFL office? People are going to hit me with, you live in Minnesota and you should just buy Sunday Ticket. Here is the thing, the Vikings game was going to sell out, and the Packers and Steelers fans here aren't going to watch that game in person. Not everyone in the Twin Cities is a Vikings fan, and there is a strong fanbase. Heck, KFAN has a Packer preview show. That's right, the flagship Vikings station has a show dedicated to the Packers because it makes money. The Steelers are a national brand, and this game is going to do very well and keep CBS competitive in ratings terms vs. Fox getting the Cowboys/Giants game as their top game in the late window. Also, I get a vast majority of Packers games in this market anyway between the Packers being on national tv a lot and WCCO and KMSP always choosing the Packers when the Vikings are not on their airwaves. Why should I pay 400 bucks for Sunday Ticket when it's cheaper to go to a restaurant to watch the Packers. What the NFL should have done is allowed WCCO to air the Packers-Steelers game opposite the Vikings game, and then have the Cowboys game be the only game in the late window. That makes the NFL and the local affiliates more money, and gives this market a slate of games that better reflects the NFL rooting interests of the Twin Cities. But when I emailed WCCO to mention that, I got a reply stating that the NFL makes the rules. But thankfully, I have an idea that would make sure that this wouldn't happen.
Uh-oh, you've been brainstorming again.
Yes I have, old dude! Not cool your jets and listed up. So in this plan, each week is a double doubleheader week, similar to Week 1 and Week 18. What I would do is to take a page from college football, where as soon as the schedule is finalized but before it is released to the public, Fox and CBS get 8 weeks each where each network gets the first two picks of Sunday afternoon games. The first pick would be the featured late game on the network, and the same network gets to pick the best early game. Then, the network who doesn't have first pick gets to pick the third game for their featured late game, and the fourth pick is their best early game. The featured late game on both FOX and CBS is protected from flex, with NBC getting to pick from the rest. What I mean by taking a page from college football is that with the Big Ten, Fox, CBS, and NBC get to choose in order which week they want to have the best Big Ten game. Since Fox has the first pick, they naturally will take the Michigan-Ohio State game every year.
Not much interest in the Rutgers/Nebraska tilt, I suppose.
I just about fell asleep at the mere mention of that game, old dude! But Fox and CBS also get a couple of other things. I would add 4 more international games, and Fox and CBS each get two of them to get a tripleheader that they can advertise. I'd also give them each a Saturday double header late in the season that is exclusive to their network, so that they can run with that.
Speaking of international, is the game on at the International House of Pancakes?
Stop huffing the maple syrup, Geritol Fan! Is the idea perfect? Of course not. No idea is. But this would serve fans better by giving them better games, and Sunday Ticket would still be a thing.
Don't count on it, but we'll see.
Roger, have your people call my people. In the meantime, as always, enjoy your football this weekend. Ben out.
I've had enough with the Packers pretending everything is fine and the title gives it away. I have no choice, and it's time to go hard on some people. You've been warned.
Appreciate the opportunity to gird my loins, Seabiscuit!
You seem a little too eager to do that, but we'll let that pass for the moment. I have business to attend to at this time. For the record, things have gotten to the point that I am mad.
Well then, get to rantin'!
Give me a few minutes to get some requirements out of the way. I will note that our beloved Wisconsin Badgers, at the very least and despite the horrid offensive injury, are showing me they want to fight.
But despite that, there will be hype?
Yes, of course. I am feeling the HYYYYYYYYPPPEEEEE! Watch me work.
Illinois Cheating Illini (+2) vs. Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat The Big Ten West is a mess this year, with no team really showing something outside of the increasingly lowered standards of this division. The Gophers have looked better in the last week or two, and Row The Boat Fleck is looking to take this division and get the chance to have Michigan steal his signs in Indy. Illinois has gone backwards under Bert, and with the Gophers looking to keep pace with the alleged big boys in the West, this game will go a long way to untangling that mess. Therefore, it's the return of the Desperate Team at Home reasoning, which predated such wonderful phrases on this blog like the Curse of The Six Game Minimum and the steakhouse analogy. Gophers 25, Deion Thomas Sends His Regards 15.
Benster is playing the hits this week! Gophers are at home. They aren't a great team, but Illinois is something less than that. The line being this close makes me suspicious, but... Minnesota 21, Illinois 16.
Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (-9.5) vs. Indiana Hoosiers The Badgers can't catch a break with the injuries. No Braelon, Chez, or Mordecai for the rest of the year sucks. I'm not going as hard on the Badgers because Fickell has been making adjustments, and the Badgers gave the Buckeyes all they wanted and the skill gap is being addressed as Fickell gets his guys fully in the program. Indiana has gone backwards since winning the Big Ten East in 2020. What impressed me was how well they hung in there against Penn State in Happy Valley last week. This won't be an easy game, but the Badgers can win, and hopefully don't have to go deeper in the depth chart to do that. Badgers 35, RIP Bob Knight 24.
This is the type of game the Badgers could lose. But they won't. Wisconsin 24, Indiana 18.
Minnesota Vikings (+3.5) vs. Hotlanta Dirty Birds I feel really bad for Kirk after what happened last Sunday at Lambeau. The guy has been a good quarterback, despite all of the criticism around these parts, and the Vikings basically took a torpedo hit to their season. I get you can't blame the Vikings front office for the fact that everyone wanted to fleece them in a quarterback trade, but Jaren Hall and Josh Dobbs aren't the best options. Nothing against those guys, but they are going to have a tall task ahead of them to save the season. Atlanta is a team that plays hard, and even though they are going with their backup, Heinicke is more experienced. Congrats on winning the NFC North, LOLions. Dirty Bird 21, Vikings 11.
If the game were here in the Twin Cities, I'd pick the Vikings. It isn't. Falcons 24, Vikings 20.
Los Angeles Rams (+3) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers So, the Packers need to figure some things out. The good news is that the Rams are still paying the price for both going all in to get a ring and for Stan Kroenke screwing the NFL out of a bunch of money for the way he screwed over St. Louis, and lest we forget, his other sports team in Arsenal, by blowing the Premier League last season much to the enjoyment of neutral fans and most especially Tottenham fans. Matthew Stafford is going to be banged up, but the problem is that the dude plays well against the Packers. This is a backs against the wall game for the Packers, and they need to at the very least show a consistent effort through all 4 quarters. Delusional homers like myself believe that they are going to do just that. Packers 50, Rams 0.
If the Packers don't win this game, they may not win another the rest of the way. Didn't see the collapse coming this quickly, but I'm not seeing much that makes me positive. The Rams are trash, though. Packers 24, Rams 20.
And now, it's time for a Very Special Comment.
Are you suggesting I overdo this bit?
Maybe.
Don't care. Here goes. Everyone I am listing is responsible in some way, though how much can be debated. This isn't in a particular order.
Jordan Love, you need to show me something. I have been patient with you, but you need to start making some better throws. Stop going for the downs all the time, and give your teammates balls to catch more often. I'd also like to see you get out more to use your legs. I get that you don't have the ability to audible as much as Aaron did, but you are looking like Kyle Boller 2.0. Get it together, man.
Who's next?
Matt LaFleur, there are a bunch of things I don't like. One or two slow starts, I get that they happen. But every single week? What have you been doing to prepare this team? You have been calling some of the dumbest plays I have ever seen, and this team has culture problems. You are the head coach, and it is your job to get these guys ready. This team hasn't been put in position to succeed, and if you don't get it together then you should be fired. It's clear that the players have tuned you out, and that's on you to keep your messaging fresh. I expect more of the head coach of the Green Bay Packers, and demand better from you. After all, Mike Sherman couldn't maintain his success in his first couple of years, and ended up paying the price.
Assuming there's more?
Brian Gutekunst, you botched the roster construction. I get that injuries happen and are part of the game, but the whole draft and develop philosophy hasn't worked. The constant defensive picks early in the drafts haven't plugged any holes, and continuing to hire bad coaches and keep bad coaches suggests organizational rot and people are too comfortable. The Jordan Love pick might be what costs you your job, and will be the decision that defines your time here. It's time to get away from the Ron Wolf tree, and get some new ideas from a new staff in the football ops department. It's time for you to go.
I'll get some boxes.
Joe Barry, your defensive scheme is too predictable. Despite you getting a ton of resources and a free hand from your bosses to run the defense, the same problems pop up year after year. There is no pass rush, soft zone defense, covering other team's best weapons with bad matchups, stupid penalties, and zero run defense. I defended your unit after the playoff meltdown to the Niners, but the game has passed you by. It's time to retire after this year, and bring in someone like Jimmy Leonhard or Wink Martindale, or someone who can design a defense to the team's strength. What a joke.
But wait, there's more!
Mark Murphy, you are the team president. You were hired by the shareholders to run this football team. Considering you played in the NFL, you should know more about the NFL than most of the team owners. It turns out that this offseason should have been the time to fully cut loose from the past and begin again. Instead, it turns out getting rid of Aaron wasn't enough in removing the toxic culture and the arrogance that things are doing well. You should retire now. It's a shame, because your tenure as president has had a lot of great things. A Super Bowl title, continued success, and increased money thanks to the development of the area around Lambeau. But not taking decisive action to stop the rot within the organization and denying there is a problem with this team is your biggest mistake.
Rot never sleeps. Or is it rust? Well, you get the idea.
The bottom line is that the Packers have arrogantly believed there was nothing wrong with the way things are going, and the rot is deeper than the fans want to admit. The best thing to do is to fully cut bait and bring in people who have no ties to the organization and a fresh mindset. I'm very disappointed in the Packers, and expect better because I've seen better. Call me spoiled all you want, but the Packers are expected to live up to the standard that championships are to be won, and everyone I just mentioned haven't lived up to the expectations that no matter who is employed by the team, the goal is to do their utmost to bring the Lombardi trophy back home where it belongs. I've defended this team, but I can't do that anymore. The alarm is ringing, Packers. I suggest you answer it and take the decisive actions you need to, no matter how painful it might be.
I don't necessarily disagree with this, but I'd say two things. If the Packers need new people, who picks the new people, especially if you don't trust the existing people to make the decision? Remember, wholesale changes can make things worse. Ask a Cambodian who was alive in 1977, if you can find one. And speaking of 1977, may I present:
The heart of darkness
I don't mean to go "OK Boomer" on the deal, especially since I am a late-period boomer, but this particular season was particularly putrid. You haven't seen anything like Barty Smith and Eric Torkelson leading your offense.
I'll take your comments under advisement. Meanwhile, enjoy your football this weekend. Ben out.
