Oh yeah. There's plenty of HYYYYYYYYYPPPPPE in the air right now, because I got a game to go to in just a few minutes. So you'd better pick up the pace, old dude!
Okay, grasshopper. Besides, I wouldn't want to miss the Early Bird Special.
That's what they all say. But I say it's time to pick. So here we go, sports fans!
Robbinsdale Cooper Hawks (NL) vs. Glorious, Wonderful, Earth-Shatteringly Great Irondale Knights. I am surprised that Vegas didn't issue a line on this North Suburban showdown. But I know the truth here. So you're wondering why we're picking this game? Well, I, the Benster, am an Irondale student and this is Homecoming Week, so that means we've scheduled a real epic game. And my beloved Knights are going to pull another victory over the overmanned Hawks. Irondale 30, Cooper 24.
Well, I don't know much about Cooper, except that they haven't beaten Irondale in football since they've joined the conference. No reason to believe they'll start this week. Benster and his buds will cheer the mighty Knights on to victory. Irondale 37, Cooper 17.
Northwestern Wildcat Offense (-5) vs. Minnesota Golden Brewsters. I'm officially on Tim Brewster Firing Watch. The Gophers could probably be beaten by Irondale right now, because they haven't played up to their potential. It doesn't seem likely that a team that loses to South Dakota can beat a decent Big Ten team, even at home. However, I subscribe to the "desperate teams at home" theory that we've offered here before and it's also Homecoming for the Gophers. But everyone wants to go to Irondale tonight! Fire Brewster 100, Wildcat 3.
So you think the Gophers are going to beat the spread, huh? Well, that's a profoundly silly score, young fella. I'm looking through the schedule for the Gophers and I don't see a win on the horizon. And that would include this week. Northwestern 27, Gophers 20.
Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (-1 1/2) vs. Sparty the Spartan. Last week the Badgers defeated Austin "Yo Man, Where's the" Peay by a score that sounds like one of my predictions. Sparty is one of those teams that is trying to chase Ohio State and Iowa and I expect that the Spartans will finish 4th or 5th in the Big Ten this year. Bucky hasn't won in East Lansing for a while, but the series has been even lately and I predict that the Badgers will come out on top in a close game. Bucky 20, Sparty 13.
That's a surprisingly rational pick from you, youngblood! It actually shows reason and maturity. Say, who are you and what have you done with my son? Anyway, the Badgers are finally healthy and will have all their main weapons at their disposal this week. Getting Nick Toon and David Gilreath back will make a big difference in the passing and return games. The Spartans are a solid team but they don't have anyone who really moves the needle this year. So look for the Badgers to escape their first test, but barely. Badgers 31, Spartans 27.
Stanford Cardinal (+7) vs. Oregon Ducks. I just love to watch Oregon play -- they run a lot of option and have a lot of scary skill players, even without Jeremiah Masoli, last seen wandering around Mississippi. I predict a total domination by the Duck. Quack Quack 91, Tree 0.
You may not be aware of this, but I think Stanford is actually going to show up in Autzen Stadium tomorrow. Stanford is a pretty good outfit and they have an excellent quarterback. I think the Ducks will win, but it won't be that easy. Oregon 37, Stanford 31.
Motor City Kitties (+14 1/2) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. All I can say about last week is thank goodness Jeff Triplette wasn't working the game, or the Packers would have had 39 penalties instead of the 18 they incurred. It's obvious that the Packers need a decent running back and maybe a defensive lineman or two. I would recommend finding another Samkon Gado or maybe a Vince Workman. I hear they're both available and awaiting Ted Thompson's phone call. The Lions stink. Matthew Stafford was a horrible #1 pick and will go into the Hall of Failure in Detroit, which is pretty much everyone's residence. Yes, even you, Rodney Peete! Packers 56, Little Friskies in a Can 2.
Yeah, I bet Vince Workman is available. The Lions are going to have a difficult time scoring this week and the Packers, well, won't. It will be a little closer than my overexuberant colleague believes, but maybe not that much. Packers 38, Lions 13.
Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+4) vs. New York Football Giants. Are ya happy, Gino? You got what you wanted, but just remember that next time the game is in the land of the free and the home of the Curly. Meanwhile, the Giants are playing like Betty White out there. I do not expect Eli Manning to survive the season. Yes, I said it: Eli's not coming back next year. He's going to get the pink slip. So therefore Eli needs a Snickers bar. Da Bearz 20, Betty White 19.
I re-read that last paragraph and I have no idea what you're talking about, youthful type. Better get used to that, I suppose. Oh, and the Giants will win the game. Giants 24, Bears 16.
I've got to run because it's time for some Knight Time! Ben out! And eat your Snickers!
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