Brett Favre might have to take a seat against the Patriots. Can you feel the HYYYYPPPPEEEE?!
No, I'm not feeling it, youngblood. Then again, neither is Brett.
Unlike Brett Favre, estoy en fuego, baybee! Did you catch that I was 6-0 last week? Well, did you, punk?
Yeah, I did notice that. Nice picking, Benster. But it's a new week and now you have to do it again.
Bring it on and watch me work.
The Ohio State University Buckeyes (-25 1/2) vs. Minnesota Golden Roadkill. So the Gophers are a 25 1/2 point underdog in their home stadium? What is up with that? C'mon, man! You would assume that the Gophers would come out tomorrow and play their hearts out, right? You thought wrong. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Ohio State is going to pass go, repeatedly. But don't worry, Adam Weber will throw a few touchdown passes in garbage time. Buckeyes 90, Roadkill 20.
I like Adam Weber. But I gotta admit he is the king of garbage time. And the problem is that Ohio State will still be in a foul mood and looking to mete out some damage this week. They need to start pounding on teams to rise up in the BCS. And the Gophers are a prime poundee. Ohio State 38, Minnesota 14.
Sparty the Spartan (+6 1/2) vs. Herky the Hawkeye. Man, they got some lame nicknames for these mascots 'round here, don't they? C'mon, man! Why not Trixie the Hawkeye, or Sparkles the Spartan? If you're going to go all wimpy, let's do it right, guys! Anyway, back to the game. I can understand why Iowa is favored. They are still angry about last week's loss to Bucky the Badger (and that's not a wimpy nickname, by the way -- write that down, kids) and because Iowa is a desperate team at home. If my theory about how the season will end is true, there will be only one undefeated team from the so-called power conferences. But it won't be the Michigan State Spartans. Hayden Fry Nation 20, Spartacus 17.
This one is tough. Based on what I've seen, Michigan State is the better team, but I agree with the youthful one that Iowa has to have this game, because they really don't want to go to the Champs Sports Bowl. And an Iowa win will set up a really interesting mess in the Big Ten standings. So let's set up that 4-way tie for first. Iowa 27, Michigan State 20
Oregon Quack Quack (-7) vs. USC Probation Nation. Remember how I was talking earlier about there being only one undefeated BCS team at the end of the year? Well, that team is Oregon. Oops, I just gave away my pick, didn't I? Well, back to the analysis. Oregon is just way too fast and you just can't stop them. Even though USC fans will remember losing last year, it won't matter. Even though the game is in Los Angeles, the Duck will prevail. Quack Quack 77, Probation Nation 0.
No, I'm not feeling it, youngblood. Then again, neither is Brett.
Unlike Brett Favre, estoy en fuego, baybee! Did you catch that I was 6-0 last week? Well, did you, punk?
Yeah, I did notice that. Nice picking, Benster. But it's a new week and now you have to do it again.
Bring it on and watch me work.
The Ohio State University Buckeyes (-25 1/2) vs. Minnesota Golden Roadkill. So the Gophers are a 25 1/2 point underdog in their home stadium? What is up with that? C'mon, man! You would assume that the Gophers would come out tomorrow and play their hearts out, right? You thought wrong. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Ohio State is going to pass go, repeatedly. But don't worry, Adam Weber will throw a few touchdown passes in garbage time. Buckeyes 90, Roadkill 20.
I like Adam Weber. But I gotta admit he is the king of garbage time. And the problem is that Ohio State will still be in a foul mood and looking to mete out some damage this week. They need to start pounding on teams to rise up in the BCS. And the Gophers are a prime poundee. Ohio State 38, Minnesota 14.
Sparty the Spartan (+6 1/2) vs. Herky the Hawkeye. Man, they got some lame nicknames for these mascots 'round here, don't they? C'mon, man! Why not Trixie the Hawkeye, or Sparkles the Spartan? If you're going to go all wimpy, let's do it right, guys! Anyway, back to the game. I can understand why Iowa is favored. They are still angry about last week's loss to Bucky the Badger (and that's not a wimpy nickname, by the way -- write that down, kids) and because Iowa is a desperate team at home. If my theory about how the season will end is true, there will be only one undefeated team from the so-called power conferences. But it won't be the Michigan State Spartans. Hayden Fry Nation 20, Spartacus 17.
This one is tough. Based on what I've seen, Michigan State is the better team, but I agree with the youthful one that Iowa has to have this game, because they really don't want to go to the Champs Sports Bowl. And an Iowa win will set up a really interesting mess in the Big Ten standings. So let's set up that 4-way tie for first. Iowa 27, Michigan State 20
Oregon Quack Quack (-7) vs. USC Probation Nation. Remember how I was talking earlier about there being only one undefeated BCS team at the end of the year? Well, that team is Oregon. Oops, I just gave away my pick, didn't I? Well, back to the analysis. Oregon is just way too fast and you just can't stop them. Even though USC fans will remember losing last year, it won't matter. Even though the game is in Los Angeles, the Duck will prevail. Quack Quack 77, Probation Nation 0.
Uh, no. I shake my head in your general direction on that pick. Don't get me wrong -- I think Oregon is the better team and will win the game. They just won't win by 77, that's all. Oregon 31, USC 20.
Minnesota Stergers (+6) vs. New England Belichecks. It's tough to keep track of all the body parts of Brett Favre on the internet these days, although there are a lot of helpful websites that are keeping inventory. But it seems like his ankle is the problem in this game. Why, you ask? Because of the Glorious Green Bay Packers, of course! They tackled Brett and tried to keep his ankle in Green Bay as a souvenir. Clay Matthews needed a chew toy, apparently. Meanwhile, the Vikings spent the week trying to get Favre in playing shape without using any text messages. I've heard a lot of Vikings fans saying that Joe Webb should start. Not. Gonna. Happen. Maybe they should start this guy. Twice a year the Patriots have to deal with Revis Island. With Lito Sheppard coming to town, they have to deal with Gilligan's Island. Watch your head, Lito! New England 30, Don't Text Me, Bro 7.
Well, that was a tidy summation, wasn't it? I'm speechless, really. Better just make the pick. By the way, I assume Favre won't play, so that gives me a chance to wrong twice in one pick. Patriots 27, Vikings 17.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+6) vs. J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS. Now that the annoying Ghost of Favre is in the Packers' rear view mirror, it's time to go to Revis Island. Watch your head, Darelle! You would have to wonder if the Packers have a hangover from last week. You would also have to wonder if they have enough guys left on defense to actually field a team. They had to bring in guys off the street this week to play. That means it's Zombo Time! However, it also means that the Packers have a problem, because the Jets are good. However, Revis can't cover every single receiver. Green Bay 17, Gang Green 10.
I should trust you on this one, because you are picking my favorite team. But I just don't see it. The Jets are overrated, no doubt about it -- they reek of New York hype and I don't think Mark Sanchez is ready for prime time. But he won't have to win this game. Jets 24, Packers 21.
Pittsburgh Stillers (+1) vs. New Orleans Who Dat Brees. Who are dem Saints, anyway? They are only 4-3 and haven't been scaring anyone. C'mon, man! Meanwhile, the Steelers have been managing to get through the season with a lot of good luck. They should have lost last week (attention Vikings fans: that's how an official can screw up a game, so stop complaining already!) and they somehow won with Dennis Dixon, who almost was your next Heisman Trophy winner a few years ago but had the bad luck to bust up his knee. I think Saints fans will need to scare some little kids after seeing their team go down in flames on Halloween. Stillers 30, Who Dat? 0.
You must be down on Brees, considering he's your fantasy league quarterback. Just a little bitter there, Benster?
He's channeling his inner Marc Bulger! He needs to get out of mamby-pamby land and get some touchdown passes, the jackwagon!
Okay, thanks for sharing that. Anyway, back to the pick. The Saints gotta have this game. Atlanta might be the best team in the NFC and the Saints can't afford to fall any further behind them. So they won't. New Orleans 24, Pittsburgh 19.
Brett Favre could go as himself for Halloween. After all, it's not like he's going to try and play, right? Ben out!
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