Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Bielema's Gone But I'm Still Here Edition

Look, Geritol Fan -- it's simple. Just because Bret Bielema is taking his act to Arkansas, it doesn't mean that my brilliant predictions can go south, too. I may be a little late in getting these up, because I was busy cheering the mighty Irondale Knights to a huge 59-57 victory over hated Mounds View in an SD 621 grudge match, but I'm here and dang it, we need to pick these games.

As far as I could tell, I wasn't aware there was a problem.

Oh, there's a problem, old dude! It's like Xavier and the Lutherans from your high school days, which took place back in the 1840s or whatever.

Technically, that would be the late 1970s and early 1980s, but go on.

We had to win. And we did. So take that, you preppies! Feel the power from the wrong side of the tracks 35W! And now that I'm done gloating, I have some business to attend to. So watch me work!

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (-3) vs. Minnesota Vikings. The Bears defense is getting old. In fact, I hear that Dick Butkus and Doug Buffone may not be able to play tomorrow. Or was that Mike Singletary and Otis Wilson? I don't know; all I know is da Bearz always have nasty old dudes playing defense for them. Or not, when they are injured. Seriously, I mean that Brian Urlacher is not available this week. That could be a problem for da Bearz, especially since Adrian Peterson is playing like a combination of Jim Brown, Gale Sayers, LaDamian Tomlinson and Barry Sanders all rolled up into one. Which mean he has eight legs, I think. No, that's not right. Actually, what it means is that AD is a beast, bro. And the Vikings are going to be the ever-popular Desperate Team at Home. Vikings 27, da Bearz 17.

Do you even know who Doug Buffone is?

Of course I do, old dude. He was a great Bears linebacker in the 1960s and 1970s. I've seen the NFL Films stuff. Now stop stalling and get back to your pick.

Okay, I stand corrected. Adrian Peterson will get his yards. The question is whether or not Christian Ponder can help out. Last week he was very generous to the Packers. There's no question that Jay Cutler can make a lot of throws, but he'll have to stay upright to do it. There's also a lot to the "desperate team at home" thing. If the Vikes lose, they are done. They aren't done yet. Vikings 21, Bears 16.

Detroit Motor City Kitties (+6.5) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. So the Lions haven't won in Wisconsin since 1991, which is the year the Old Dude got married to Mrs. D and Soviet Union fell. In other words, we're talking ancient history here. If you look up futility in the dictionary, you will find a picture of Joey Harrington, the quintessential Lions quarterback. Now, Matthew Stafford is better than Joey Harrington. In fact, he's significantly better than Joey Harrington. However, his receivers are dropping like flies. He no longer has Nate Burleson, nor Titus Young, nor Ryan Broyles. He still has Calvin "Megatron" Johnson, but he will be quadruple-teamed for the rest of the season. That leaves Brandon Pettigrew, who has even worse hands than Jermichael Finley. And that's saying something. In other words, the Lions are still the definition of futility. Packers 56, Lions 24.

The Packers will have fun. Looks like this game could be a snowstorm game, which is always amusing. Who could forget this scene:

I can still see Steve Young getting thrown into a snowbank. Matthew Stafford will get a similar experience tomorrow night. Packers 31, Lions 20.

We really don't have any college games to pick, so a word about Bret Bielema. Couldn't you have waited until the Rose Bowl to leave town? I mean, seriously? C'mon, man! This ain't the Beef O'Brady's Bowl we're talking about here! This is the Rose Bowl! On the bright side, Bielema gets to spend the next several years doing this:

That seems like punishment enough to me. Ben out!