Saturday, December 22, 2012

Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Dang, We Missed the Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl Edition

Yeah, it's Christmas and I've been so busy spreading holiday cheer and HYYYYYYPPPE! that somehow the Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl got past us. I thought you were supposed to be paying attention to that, Geritol Fan!

I didn't get the memo on it.

That's too bad. It was an excellent memo. Anyway, we'll be paying attention to bowl games that actually matter in a future post, but for now, we have NFL action to consider. And we're all over it. Watch me work.

Minnesota Vikings (+8) vs. Houston Texans. The Vikings are currently holding the final playoff spot in the NFC, but their grip is a little loose. In all likelihood, they'll need to win out to get in, and even that might not be enough. There are something like 4,308,027,022,013 possible permutations left in the always-complicated NFL playoff tiebreaking systems. But that's an approximate number. The Vikings looked very good last week in dispatching the Rams, but this week they have a much more difficult matchup. The Texans are very good at home and need a win to clinch home field advantage throughout the playoffs. After what happened to the Texans in New England, they'd rather not go back there. Bum Phillips 42, Vikes 39.

Actually, what the Texans do well is play defense, so 39 points out of the Vikings would be a pretty interesting result. Adrian Peterson is otherworldly right now, but the two teams that have beaten the Texans have had really good quarterbacks. The Vikings have a newly married quarterback. Don't know if that will be enough. Texans 28, Vikings 17.

Tennessee Tuxedos (+12.5) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. The Tennessee Titans aren't especially titanic these days, unless you mean like this:

See? We're educational around here! In fact, Jake Locker and the Titans are about to get schooled, especially if Charles Woodson shows up this week. The Packers took care of business last week by dismissing the Bears, who are now the representation of a non-playoff team. Packers 59, Titans 0.

Well, I do think the Titans will actually show up for the game. They won't enjoy their trip to Wisconsin very much, although the Paper Valley is a pretty nice hotel. It goes downhill from there, though. The Packers are getting better at the right time. I think this one will be pretty routine. Packers 35, Titans 17.

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (-5.5) vs. Arizona Cardinals. A game between da Bearz and the Cardinals? In Arizona? You know what that means, right?

They are who we thought they were. Now, no one is going to crown the Bears this year, so Denny Green can calm down a little bit. After last week, da Bearz find themselves on the outside looking in, and they have no one to blame but themselves. Jay Cutler is guaranteed to make at least one mistake a game and they will usually be crucial ones. Cards 24, Fire Lovie Smith 3.

Uh, no. You've watched the Cardinals, right? They might have the worst quarterback situation in the history of the NFL. They have a magnificent wide receiver in Larry Fitzgerald and a bunch of dudes who can't throw him the football. Whatever problems the Bears have, they're better than the Cardinals. Everyone is better than the Cardinals. Bears 21, Cards 10.

Actually, you're wrong, old dude. The Bears have the worst quarterback situation in the history of the NFL. They've been running guys out there since Sid Luckman and still haven't figured it out. Here's a loving musical tribute to the Bears tradition!

I'm sorry Gino. Acutally, I'm not. Merry Christmas, though! Ben out!

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