Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Mystery Guest Edition

Hello, it's the Benster. Welcome.

As you can tell, I have arranged for a special guest to participate some time in the blog post. And the poor old dude has been trying in vain to guess the identity of the mystery guest.

The suspense is killing me. Well, maybe not killing me. Not really even maiming me, actually. But I am curious, because at dinner the Benster was unleashing a whole lot of...

HYYYYYYYYPPPPE!

Yes, that. Could barely finish my meal.

Well, you need to stock up on the Dentu-Grip. Watch me work!

Western Illinois Leathernecks (NL) vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers. Vegas did not deem this game worthy of any substantial gambling action, perhaps because Western Illinois is a cupcake worthy of being made at the Hostess factory. The Gophers have had trouble in the past winning games that they should have won easily. Can you say, South Dakota? NDSU? South Dakota State? Thankfully, if you're a Gopher fan, you won't have to sweat this one very much. Gophers 49, Western Illinois 0.

Sounds about right. I believe for their next game, Western Illinois will be an underdog to my alma mater, Beloit College. Gophers 38, Western Illinois 7.

Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (+5 1/2) vs. Arizona State Sun Devils. What does it take for the Badgers to get a little love around here? I can understand that Arizona State is a decent outfit, but really? Five and a half points? C'mon, man! The Badgers haven't even allowed any points this year in two games. Mind you, they were games against UMass and Bloomington Kennedy High School, I believe, although I'll have to double check that. The Badgers should be the first Big Ten team to win out in the Arizona desert. Wisconsin 28, Arizona State 17.

Actually, I think the Badgers were playing Bloomington Jefferson, but I'll have to verify that. This will be tough. Arizona State is predicted to be a top division team in the Pac-12 this year and have for the most part been a football powerhouse for much of my lifetime. This will be a tough one for the Badgers to win, but I am going to pick this one with my heart. Let's say Melvin Gordon goes nuts, and. . . Wisconsin 31, Arizona State 28.

Alabama Crimson Tide (-7 1/2) vs. Texas A & M Aggies. Wait a second, old dude. I have to take a phone call. Hello? Hi, Johnny! How are you doing, Johnny?

I'm doing just fine, Benster.

Welcome to our lovely blog post!

Wait, do I get an appearance fee for being on this?

No, Johnny, we agreed that there wouldn't be any appearance fees for your assistance here.

What? Can you get a me a date with one of those Totino-Grace girls?

No, and that wouldn't work anyway. You should know that.

But I could have set up a card table and sold them my autograph! I hear those Totino girls have money!

Could you stop talking about your moneymaking schemes and stick with the blog post, please?

Okay, fine. I'm going to kick some big Alabama butt tomorrow! I don't think they'll stop me, because if the NCAA can't stop me, now how can Nick Saban do it? He couldn't even do it in Tuscaloosa! Now, the Tide shows up at College Station and has to face the 12th Man! Good luck with that, Tide! I have to go, because Coach is monitoring my phone calls and he just gave me a little jolt with the shock collar. See ya, Benster!

Yeah, that was Johnny. I think you've heard of him. And his analysis is spot-on. A & M 9, Bama 6.

Are you sure that wasn't Jonny Quest? Anyway, nice get, Benster. Interesting analysis, actually. I think it will be a low-scoring game, too. I just think the other team will win. Alabama 17, Texas A & M 13.

Minnesota Vikings (+6) vs. Bear Down Chicago da Bearz. Well, if you're a Vikings fan, you have to hate these trips to Chicago, because I don't think the Vikings have won in Chicago since Eisenhower was president. Technically, that's not true, because the Vikings didn't begin play until the Kennedy administration, but you get my point. It hasn't gone well for the Purple in Chicago. Will this year be different? Based on what we saw last weekend, it's hard to see how it would be. Christian Ponder is a quarterback who is a game manager at best, and last week he couldn't even manage that. Against da Bearz, it gets even harder. Da Bearz 79, Skol Vikings 3.

Gino will like that pick. I think it will be closer than that, since I don't think that Marc Trestman is the sort of guy who would run up the score, but it's hard to see the Vikings winning this game. Tough way to start the season. Bears 31, Vikings 20.

Washington Politically Incorrect Football Squad (+7 1/2) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. So I guess we're not allowed to use the term "Redskins" again, because Peter King and Bill Simmons say so. Well, I believe that no matter what you call your favorite Washington-based football team, they aren't going to be able to win. RGIII looked like he'd lost a step against the Eagles and it's going to be tough for him to make plays with Clay Matthews draped across his back. Although they lost, I was impressed with the way the Packers played in San Francisco last weekend. This has a chance to be a better team than last year's squad and the Packers start proving it on Sunday. Packers 35, Start Kirk Cousins 28.

The Packers have work to do, but I think they'll be better. I think Jermichael Finley has a big game on Sunday and that's the difference. Packers 31, Redskins 20.

San Francisco 49ers (+3) vs. Seattle Seahawks. Hey, old dude, it's the Annoying Weasel Bowl! The two biggest jerk coaches in the NFL outside of Detroit face off in an epic battle of good football and bad manners. Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll have somehow mastered the art of being a good football coach and a questionable human being. In fact, the only person participating in this game that I like is Russell Wilson, who is a fine quarterback and a fine human being, despite the overall weaselosity of his coach and his preferred wide receiver target, Golden Taint. I expect this game to be very physical and a high scoring matchup. It's in Seattle's best interest to get the crowd in early. I think they will do that, because it's a rivalry game and that most people are sick and tired of the 49ers, who didn't show me much, as the Packers almost stole the game in San Francisco. This isn't San Francisco. Seattle 63, San Francisco 56.

Uh, this isn't the Supersonics vs. the Warriors, dude. These teams play defense and play it well. Having said that, I think there will be some scoring going on. I like Seattle in this one, mostly because it's a home game. The crowd in Seattle is berserk and they'll make a difference. Seattle 27, San Francisco 23.

I would like to thank my special guest, Johnny, for his contributions to this PBS station, along with the Arthur Vining Davis Foundation and viewers like you. Thank you. Ben out!