Saturday, December 14, 2013

Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Pros Only Edition

Yeah, you might have noticed that this was posted a little later than normal, but I've had business to attend to. Yes, the Worldwide Benster College Tour was back in action on Friday, as I graced the campus of Marquette University for a visit.

Will Marquette survive this honor?

They should. Nice place -- maybe I'll go there. Or maybe not. I need to gauge the amount of HYYYYPPPPPPE! they can handle. Will the sheer magnitude of the HYYYYPPPE! be enough? Or will it bounce off of Buzz Williams's shaved head and blind passing aircraft coming into Mitchell Field? I need to be careful of such things.

The FAA would appreciate that, too.

Shouldn't they have more important things to worry about? While they consider that somewhat rhetorical question, watch me work!

Philadelphia Iggles (-5.5) vs. Minnesota Vikings. It's almost the end of the Metrodome and the Vikings have a chance to do some damage to the playoff chances of the Eagles, who have been playing well lately and are coming off a big-time beatdown of the Lions in the snow. Now, there's a lot of snow on the ground here in the Twin Cities, but there's no snow in the Metrodome right now. It's not like this magic moment:

Now, you can't blame that on Christian Ponder, can you? Vikings fans have blamed most everything else on the youthful quarterback with the astonishingly good-looking wife. I think they're jealous. But enough of that. The Vikings are going to have trouble because they may not have Adrian Peterson and they definitely don't have Kyle Rudolph. And let's be honest; the Vikings have a terrible secondary. How terrible?

Ask an expert! Eagles 28, Vikings 10.

I have a funny feeling about this one. It might the effect of too much Sriracha sauce, but I think the Vikings are going to play very well tomorrow. I'm calling the upset, mostly because the Eagles irritate me. Vikings 31, Eagles 28.

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (-1) vs. Cleveland Browns. Hey kids, Jay Cutler is back and there's gonna be trouble, hey la, hey la, Jay Cutler's back. I don't really know what that was about, but the old dude told me to work it in. Oh wait, here's what it's about:

Now, all those gals are old enough to be Jay Cutler's mom, but we'll leave that aside. Hey la, is there trouble for da Bearz? Yes. Gino is not going to like this, but I think that Josh McCown makes this Bears team better, because he sticks with the program and doesn't try to free-lance, like our guy Jay. Jay la, Jay la. And after Sunday, Bears fans will be kicking themselves for not taking a chance to close the door with McCown. Browns 20, da Bearz 13.

If this is true and Cutler isn't the long-term solution for the Bears, maybe he can come to Minnesota! Now that I've terrified two fan bases, let's see.... I think the Bears will win, but it's going to be tough. It's going to be snowing a little, but it's not likely to be a big factor. The Browns are a tough team and will give Cutler a rude welcome, but I think the Bears will prevail. Chicago 27, Cleveland 24.

Glorious Green Bay Packers (+6.5) vs. Dallas How 'Bout Them Cowboahs. There was no Vegas line on this game until the word came down that Aaron Rodgers is still at least a week away. However, the Packers seemed to have righted the ship last week against the woeful Falcons, and now they come into Dallas to face what might the worst defense in the NFL. Dallas is also a place that the Packers will have fond memories of, because there was this day back in early 2011 when this happened:

I never get tired of that. Yes, the Packers have returned to Jerry World, and while this team isn't as good as that team, the Cowboahs are not nearly as good as that Steeler team, either. Can Matt Flynn get his mojo working again? Well, you might have noticed that I tipped my hand on this one earlier. Packers 31, Cowboys 25.

I have no idea which Packer team will show up and I have no idea which Cowboys team will show up. That makes it very tough to pick. I think the young fella is right that the Packers have righted the ship, but I wonder if it's too late now. Cowboys 41, Packers 38.

Baltimore Ravens (+5.5) vs. Detroit Lions. Last week Baltimore won an amazing game in the snow. Last week, about a hundred miles north of Baltimore, the Lions got their butts handed to them in the snow. No snow this week at Ford Field, but the Lions remain as unpredictable as ever. Who knows which team will show up. Will it be the Thanksgiving Lions, who killed the Packers, or the post-Thanksgiving Lions, who got drilled in Philly? Both teams are fighting for their playoff lives and you would think that I would break out the tried and true "desperate team at home" gambit. However, while math may be on the side of the Lions, never lose sight of this -- we're talking about the Lions. Ravens 31, Lions 0.

Uh, no. The Ravens have a defensive back named Matt Elam who called Calvin "Megatron" Johnson old. That's a mistake. Here was Johnson's reaction:

Matt Elam, you don't want to call Megatron old. Lions 38, Ravens 27.

So, the Geritol Fan and I disagreed every single time. I guess we'll see who's right. And a note to da Bearz and the Motor City Kitties:

When you have a chance to knock the Packers out of the playoffs, you'd better do it. Just ask the rest of the league what happened in 2010. Ben out!

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