Benster and D Pick Your Games -- 59-Rip Edition

I promise you that this will be the last time the events of last Saturday evening will be mentioned here. Oh, sorry, hi everyone, it's me, the Benster. We all know what happened last weekend and if you really want to relive that, you must live in Toledo or somewhere else in the great state of Ohio, or at least lived there at some point in your desperate, pathetic life.

Not taking it so well, then?

No. And if I were Gary Andersen, I'd have run off to Corvallis myself. By the way, here's a picture of Gary's new office:

Welcome to Corvallis, baby!

That should work out well for him. Meanwhile, the college season is in a lull for the moment, as we shift our attention to the bowl games, which are still a week or more away. We'd pick the Army/Navy game, but Navy has won approximately 354,210 times in a row now, so I'm not feeling the HYYYYYPPPPE! Both teams feature upstanding young men who will defend our country with honor and distinction, but let's face it, we've got other agendas. Like the pros! So watch me work!

Minnesota Vikings (+7.5) vs. Detroit Motor City Kitties. If you're a Detroit fan, now is the time you expect the Lions to cough up a hairball. The Lions are claiming they don't do that any more, and so far, they haven't. But they have to win out to win the division and that includes a trip to Lambeau, where they have not won since Millard Fillmore was president. But first things first -- the Lions have to deal with the improving Vikings, who are quietly 6-7 and not completely eliminated from the playoff race. You doubt me? I have visuals!

See, I told you!

So can the Vikings win a game in Detroit? I think they can. Will they? Vikings 31, Lions 20.

Man, I hope you're right. But I don't think you are. The Lions are playing significantly better than they have in recent seasons because they are a more disciplined team under Jim Caldwell. They still employ a lot of nasty people, but they are nasty with a purpose. The key here is whether the Vikings offensive line can keep the Lions out of Teddy Bridgewater's face. I'm not sure they can. Lions 24, Vikings 17.

Glorious Green Bay Packers (-4.5) vs. Buffalo Soldier, Dreadlock Rasta. Bet you didn't see that reference coming, there, Decrepit! This game makes me nervous. Buffalo is better than you think -- they are above .500 and while they aren't on the radar screen for the playoffs, they are not eliminated at all. And they can play defense. Aaron Rodgers has been unbelievably good for the last two months, but this will be the best defense the Packers have faced in that time. Of course, it also doesn't help being on a short week. Having said that, we also are looking at Kyle Orton once again. You remember Kyle Orton, right? He's the guy who looks like he should have been in a dirty movie in the 1970s:

I am pretty.

You might want to try the regular coffee there, Kyle. Packers 20, Bills 18.

Yeah, this game makes me a little nervous, too. The Packers will get their points, but the record shows that the Packers have never won a regular season game in Buffalo. This would be a good time to end that streak. I say they will, but it won't be easy. Packers 28, Buffalo 20.

New Orleans Aints (-3) vs. Bear Down Chicago da Bearz. Wow, old dude! Da Bearz are not only eliminated from the playoffs, but they are a home dog against a not-especially-good Saints team that doesn't win on the road very much. What happened to da Bearz? Well, put it this way -- they might want to rethink their creative financing, since Jay Cutler is making a lot of money and delivering not a lot of production. In fact, it would be better if da Bearz tanked and hoped to get Jameis Winston. Yes, it's time to start over in Chicago. Aints 7, da Bearz 0.

I think the Bears should trade Cutler to the Redskins straight up for RGIII. They could exchange one train wreck for another. Change of scenery, they call it. It won't happen, of course, but I like the idea because it's a great way to mock both franchises. Anyway, the Bears do need to start over. Now that it looks like the Wisconsin Badgers have come to their senses and are going to hire Paul Chryst, I think that Bears could be looking at the start of the Bo Pelini regime in Chicago. Why not, right? Bears 24, Saints 21.

Okay, that's enough cruelty for one weekend, Geritol Fan! Think of poor Gino, who has to endure this dumpster fire of a football team! Oh, the humanity! Ben out!