Our first contestant is Ace Commenter Brian:
Brian's Picks:
Fidel Castro
Billy Graham
Vince Neil (of Mötley Crüe fame)
Max von Sydow
Garrison Keillor
Gwyneth Paltrow
Comments: Brian carried over two picks (Castro and Graham) from the previous Dead Pool. Both are likely to go at any time. Brian has reported that he saw Neil on the Crüe farewell tour recently and that he didn't look too good, so perhaps a more permanent farewell might be in order. Keillor is a Minnesota institution who has looked a bit shaky as well. Brian's rationale for the Paltrow pick ("because you have to admit it would be kind of funny") rings true. It also would prevent the possibility of future duets with Huey Lewis, which ought to be avoided at all costs:
Overall grade: Solid. Very solid indeed.
Next up, the man who needs no further introduction -- Gino!
Gino's Picks:
Bob Dole
George H. W. Bush
Lamar Odom
Pete Rose
Tommy Lasorda
Any Kardashian chick, "just for the ratings."
Comments: Gino carried over Dole and the elder President Bush, who are both the dictionary definition of doddering these days. I think his pick of addled ex-NBA star Odom is a savvy choice, as Odom seems to favor copious pharmaceutical consumption and hookers, rarely a winning combination for a healthy life. Rose and Lasorda, while baseball icons, are both pretty long in the tooth and certainly ripe for ripening. And the strategic ambiguity of the Kardashian chicks opens up a variety of possibilities. It would also be a welcome result for the public airwaves, which are altogether too filled with the trashy exploits of that particular clan.
Overall grade: Cagey. A definite contender.
Next up, west central Iowa's favorite pastor and poet, W. B. Picklesworth:
Picklesworth's Picks:
Nancy Reagan
Herman Wouk
Prince Phillip
Kirk Douglas
Harper Lee
Barack Obama
Comments: Picklesworth is new to the competition, so he had no holdover picks. Mrs. Reagan is quite frail and Kirk Douglas is nearly 100 years old, so these seem like sensible picks. Herman Wouk is 100 years old and it's quite possible that a stiff breeze could fell the author of "The Winds of War." We heard from Harper Lee last year with great fanfare, as her book "Go Set a Watchman" finally saw publication, although we didn't see much of Lee herself. She's apparently been infirm for years. While Prince Phillip seems strapping enough, he's 94. While the pick of the sitting president might raise eyebrows, we can assure the Secret Service that we wish the Leader of the Free World continued health and, based on today's bravura performance, a box of Charmin.
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| You don't know what the sound is, darlin'/It's the sound of my tears fallin' Or is it the rain? You don't know |
Next up, the king of HYYYYYYYPPPPPE himself, the Benster:
Benster's Picks:
Virginia McCaskey
Pope Benedict XVI
Ruth Bader Ginsberg
Duchess of Cornwall
Keith Jackson
Chip Kelly
Comments: Benster carried over Pope Benedict and the notorious RBG, who are both frail but surprisingly feisty. For my money, the savviest pick on Benster's board is Virginia McCaskey, the daughter of Papa Bear Halas and owner of the the Chicago Bears. Mrs. McCaskey may be alive, but she's been forced to die at least a little bit nearly every Sunday in the fall for years now. For those keeping score at home, the Duchess of Cornwall is better known as Camilla Parker-Bowles, the consort of Prince Charles. Our panel seems a bit hostile to royalty, no? Keith Jackson is the great retired voice of college football and, while not as old as some of the other entrants, certainly is now approaching the end zone. The Chip Kelly pick may seem outlandish, but that's how the Benster rolls.
Overall grade: Longshots, but you discount the Benster's skills at your peril.
Next up, high school superstar Fearless Maria:
Fearless Maria's Picks:
Queen Elizabeth II
Betty White
Donald Sutherland
Craig Sager
Beverly Cleary
Gordon Ramsey ("from a severe nervous mental breakdown or vocal cord rupture")
Comments: Fearless Maria is a first-time contestant, so her picks are all new. She leads off with yet another prognostication of demise for the royal family, making this blog post the equivalent of Oliver Cromwell. Children's author Cleary is 99 years old, so that is a good, conventional pick, while White and Sutherland are certainly getting up there as well. Sager, the NBA sideline reporter best known for his questionable taste in clothing, has recovered from a recent bout of cancer, but unfortunately cancer can come back. And let's face it -- Ramsey is liable to blow at any minute.
Overall grade: Intriguing, with serious upside.
Finally, it's my turn:
Mr. D's Picks:
John Kundla
Bobby Doerr (the old Red Sox player and the oldest living member of the Baseball HOF)
Tom Brokaw
Chuck Berry
Johnny Manziel
Donald Trump
Comments: I carried over John Kundla, the ancient coach of the Minneapolis Lakers. Doerr was a teammate of Ted Williams and has not indicated that he is interested in going cryogenic like Teddy Ballgame. Brokaw has been in ill health. Johnny Manziel is a remarkably self-destructive fellow who is in the process of flushing his NFL career. Chuck Berry is due to turn 90 this year, believe it or not. As for Trump, well, again we remind the Secret Service that we wish him continued health, but I have a hunch.
Overall grade (from Fearless Maria): In a stunning turn of events, Mr. D has surprised us all by drafting a surprisingly boring list of picks again this year. Not that I would recall from past years, but I have my hunches, just as he has his hunches about his most interesting pick, Donald Trump. Overall, the motives behind each pick exhibit great intelligence and clever utilization of "Deadoralive.com." We will see who kicks the can, or in Johnny Manziel's case, thinks the can is a blunt and tries to smoke it, or in Trump's case, mocks its IQ and issues a Twitter rant. It's sure to be an eventful Dead Pool. May the odds be ever in your favor, unless you're gonna die!
Thanks, Maria. A very tidy summation indeed! Good luck to all our contestants and we'll keep track of things on the blog.
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