Hey Hey, WIAA -- Tell Us What We're Allowed To Say -- UPDATE: Jay Bilas Has Some Helpful Suggestions

Comstockery disguised as sportsmanship, taken to a ridiculous level:

The Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association has banned high school students from chanting certain words and phrases at basketball games, and none of them are remotely close to being hurtful or inappropriate.

In an email sent out to students in December, which was obtained by the Post-Crescent, the WIAA banned “chants by student sections directed at opponents and/or opponents’ supporters that are clearly intended to disrespect.”

The following words were reportedly included as examples:

• “Fundamentals”
• “Sieve”
• “We can’t hear you”
• “Air ball”
• “You can’t do that”
• “There’s a net there”
• “Scoreboard”
• “Season’s over” (during tournament play)

So how ridiculous a list is that? You can't chant "air ball" when a kid for the other team throws one up? You can't taunt the opposing goalie with "sieve" when he (or she) lets a goal get past? And forbidding "you can't do that," usually heard when a kid on the other team gets called for a foul? Apparently, in Wisconsin in 2016, you can't do anything.

The text of the email itself sounds like a directive to straighten up and fly right:

Not wanting to restrict creativity or enjoyment, an enthusiastic and boisterous display of support for a school’s team is welcomed and encouraged at interscholastic events when directed in a positive manner. However, any action directed at opposing teams or their spectators with the intent to taunt, disrespect, distract or entice an unsporting behavior in response is not acceptable sportsmanship. Student groups, school administrators and event managers should take immediate steps to correct this unsporting behavior.

They don't want to restrict creativity or enjoyment, but they're prepared to do it for the greater good, you see.

Half the fun of being a high school student is seeing what you could get by with, especially when you are competing against a rival high school. There was a guy who played for one of our biggest rivals, Green Bay Premontre, named Pat Wong. He was an unbelievable long range shooter -- he would launch the ball from just about anywhere inside the half court line -- and, rumor had it, a bit of a stoner. So it should come as no surprise that when he and his Premontre teammates showed up in our gym for a basketball game, the chant "Wong Does Bongs" emanated from our student section. Wong didn't mind -- he started laughing when he heard the chant. Was it poor sportsmanship? I suppose. Did it matter? All these years later, not a bit. I assume we'd be put to death for that now.

I also remember picking the Benster up after a football game in which his beloved Irondale Knights beat a rival high school (Benilde-St. Margaret) on their homecoming weekend. I arrived just as the game was ending; I could hear the Irondale student section chanting "Happy Homecoming" with evident glee. I was confused until I looked at the scoreboard and realized that Irondale had just won the game. The Benilde kids looked a little glum, but so what? You have to learn to lose, too. And Benilde returned the favor to Irondale the next year. I don't remember if the Benilde fans chanted "Happy Homecoming" at Irondale or not, but it wouldn't have mattered.

Should we encourage good sportsmanship? Of course. This isn't how you do it.

UPDATE: ESPN analyst Jay Bilas noticed and got in some polite yet devastating trolling of the WIAA:

The clock operator appreciates such alerts

And this:

Seems like a reasonable request

And this one:

These fans are not, to my knowledge, chanting "Wong Does Bongs"

The refreshing beverages are always much appreciated.