Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Benster and D Pick Your Game -- Why Are We Still Playing on Thursday Edition

That's right -- why in the wide, wide world of sports does the NFL insist on having games on Thursday? The only time football should be played on Thursday is Thanksgiving. Is tomorrow Thanksgiving? No. It's December Freaking First! Knock it off, Goodell.

You know why this happening, young fella. I know you know why. Here's why:

Your concerns? You can give them to the birds and bees. Goodell wants the money. That's what he wants.

Quit drinking the Kool-Aid! Or are you mixing it with your Geritol again?

Don't knock it until you've tried it, Seabiscuit.

Naaah. I'll settle for something a little more refreshing. Something with HYYYYYYPPPPPE! Watch me work!

Dallas How 'Bout Them Cowboahs (-3.5) vs. Minnesota Vikings. Speaking of unquenchable greed, here comes Jerry Jones to town, with his nasty Cowboys. The Cowboys are suddenly a good team again this year, no doubt making carnival barkers like Skip Bayless happier than a pig in, well, you know. However, the Vikings are no slouches. The key will be to stop the run game. Ezekiel Elliott has been nothing short of outstanding in his rookie season, while Dak Prescott has been the busiest bankruptcy lawyer in Minnesota. No, that's not right. That would be our pal the late, great, Jack Prescott. Dak Prescott has been putting his opponents into Chapter 7 all season long. The Vikings have to win this game, because they need to keep pace with the Lions and the Packers are now nipping at their heels. I'm so confident the Vikings will win that if my pick doesn't come true, I will call Skip Bayless a genius. Vikings 45, Cowboahs 17.

I'd rather call Skip Bayless a cab to the airport, as long as he rides in the trunk. This one is going to be tough because the Vikings are suddenly riddled with injuries. They will not have Sharrif Floyd, Joe Berger, Marcus Sherels or Mackenzie Alexander available this week. Floyd hasn't been playing much this season because of injuries, but they could really use him this week. It's going to be tough. Stefon Diggs is still questionable and may not play. So it's adversity time at the People's Stadium, and not just because Ted Mondale is taking up a bunch of suites. I'd like the Vikings to win, because the Cowboys are flat evil, but I don't see it this week. Cowboys 27, Vikings 19.

I can't believe I just promised to say something nice about Skip Bayless. He's still upset because Vince Lombardi spoiled his sorry-ass childhood. Ben out!

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