Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Good Heavens, I've Been Raunered Edition

So old dude, what's the deal? Why couldn't you get rid of Mark Dayton? What's wrong with you guys, anyway?

The people have spoken, Seabiscuit.

Well, they aren't any more coherent than Dayton! Oh well, we got rid of our governor down here in Illinois. Did you hear about that?

Yes -- some guy named Rauner.

So let me get this straight -- we can get rid of Democrats in Illinois, but you can't manage it in Minnesota? C'mon, Geritol Fan! We need to see a little better effort out of you!

I'll try harder next time.

Well, you'd better. Meanwhile, I have to get these picks in quick, so I can concentrate on my final exams. I always pass the HYYYYYPPPPE! exam. So watch me work!

Iowa Hawkeyes (-1.5) vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers. So it's Floyd of Rosedale time! Let's see the pig, okay?

We want bacon!

That's the prize at the Bank this time. Iowa has it and they're bringing it back up the Avenue of the Saints. What do we make of it? Well, this is one of the games that will decide the West, and it is possible that the Gophers could be playing either Sparty or Ohio State. This is the one trophy that the Gophers get in recent years. I like the chance it stays here. Gophers 27, Hawkeyes 20.

I've often thought the losing team should get a visit from this guy, Floyd the Barber. So the question for the rest of us is who gets a haircut tomorrow in Minneapolis? It's awfully tough to read this game, because the Hawkeyes are very inconsistent. They lose to a middling Maryland team one week, then blow out Northwestern the next. Which team are you gonna see? I have no idea. I think the Gophers will be ready, though, coming off a bye week and a bitter loss to a team they should have beaten easily. The Pig joins the Jug in the Gopher trophy case, at least for a year. Gophers 24, Hawkeyes 20.

Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (-17) vs. Purdue Boilermakers. No love for Boilermaker Pete, Decrepit! Do you believe that line -- 17 point home dog? Purdue has gotten whooped multiple times in recent years and Wisconsin finally has at least a semblance of a passing game. I would start running some zone read type stuff with McEvoy in the game. Wisconsin 45, Purdue 13.

The Badgers have given Maryland and Rutgers a rude introduction to the Big Ten in the past two weeks. We're a long ways from the days of Drew Brees in West Lafayette. Purdue is improving, but they have a lot of trouble stopping the run. Oddly enough, running is what the Badgers do. I'm guessing Melvin Gordon and Corey Clement both get 150 yards and a couple of touchdowns apiece. Then it's time for Nebraska. Badgers 38, Purdue 17.


Knox College Prairie Fire (NL) vs. Monmouth College Fighting Scots. It's the grudge match, the battle for the Bronze Turkey! Old dude, I am pumped! Have you seen the Bronze Turkey? It's a beautiful thing. The guy holding it is some coach at Monmouth, and that's the problem -- Monmouth has held the trophy for a long time. Well, it's time it returned to its rightful home in Galesburg, I say! Knox has looked bad in football but most of the students will be at the conference championship game for men's soccer. Still, I think that the turkey is coming back to Knox. Oak Room 34, Safety School 17.

Monmouth is about 15 miles southwest of Knox, but when it comes to sports, it might as well be a million miles away, at least historically. The Scots have held the turkey a lot in recent years and it's going to be tough for Knox to get it back this time. I hope it stays in Galesburg some time, but not this year. Monmouth 41, Knox 20.

Miami Tuna Net Victims (+2.5) vs Detroit Lions. Old dude, I keep waiting for the Lions to be the Lions and to choke, but they've refused to cooperate so far. Can the talented but erratic Dolphins beat them? Miami should have beaten Green Bay a few weeks ago but choked it away. Miami has the talent and the Lions needed a miracle at Wembley last time out. The Lions are like Auburn last year, they had a lot of miracle wins but in the big one they ran out of them. Sorry Charlie 31, Same old Lions 6.

I'm not confident in the Dolphins at all. They are getting better, and quickly, but winning in Detroit is a tough assignment, at least right now. I think Ryan Tannehill will be a better quarterback in the long run than Matthew Stafford, but he's not there yet. Lions 27, Dolphins 24.

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+7) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. So our pal Jay Cutler is coming back to Green Bay. He's always doing what we'd like -- throwing picks. This game makes me very nervous. The last time the Packers played the Bears, Micah Hyde changed the game by simply stepping in the camera and removing a touchdown. I don't know how Aaron will do moving around and we all know what happened last time the Bears went to Green Bay. I like our chances, but this is by no means easy because Bear games are never easy and the big one last year nearly raised my blood pressure to a dangerous level. Packers 27, Bears 24.

Jay is our favorite in Green Bay. He sure is. The Bears do have other ways to hurt a team. Matt Forte is an awfully good running back and he's caused the Packers a lot of heartburn over the years. Still, I suspect that while Forte is trouble, the Packers will have little difficulty scoring against the Bear defense. That will force Cutler to throw and take chances. And when Jay Cutler takes chances, bad things tend to happen. The Packers aren't where they want to be yet, but they'll be closer after they take care of business this week. Packers 35, Bears 21.

Well, that's all you need to know. I've got finals coming up in a week or so, but I'll be back home later in the month. And that's when you'll really see the HYYPPPPE! Ben out!