Fearless Maria reminded me that it's been a long time since we've done a Guilty Pleasures, so she's joined me this evening to fix that problem.
And so now, please take your seats and make sure that your lap bar is pulled down, and do not stick any body parts out of the Guilty Pleasures Rock 'n Rollercoaster. Please enjoy your ride!
I think you still have amusement parks on the brain, Maria.
I'm not sure I found that response so amusing, Maria.
Just teasing, Dad! It's pretty easy to give you a little grief. So today I was thinking that we should do acts that have last six letters of the alphabet! So, Dad, can you think of anyone who starts with U, V, W, X, Y and Z?
Why yes, Maria. Yes I can.
Well, that's good. Hopefully these bands won't be your usual fashion victims and weird dudes!
Actually, now that you mention it, some of these folks are fairly well dressed.
Really? Prove it, Dad! Start with the U. Does the U stand for ugly?
Why don't you be the judge. Here's U2, from fairly recently, with a song that was a big hit in this decade, a rarity for this feature:
So Dad, why did the guy count uno, dos, tres, catorce? That means 1, 2, 3, 14? I think he needs to get into Spanish class with Miss Peterman! She's teaching me Spanish and I know that much! And Dad, didn't you used to work for Target?
Yes, for almost 10 years.
So did U2 work for Target, too? They seem to be playing their song on the Target bullseye!
I noticed that, too. Wonder if the Target execs set that one up.
It was an okay song, Dad. But can you do better? How about a good V!
There are lots of V acts in rock, Maria. I could do this guy. Or I could do these guys. Or even these guys.
Why don't you just pick one, Dad? That first guy is Luther Vandross, right? Mom likes him!
That's true, Maria. But Mom also likes this guy. And so do I. It's Stevie Ray Vaughan:
Dad, you said you were going to pick guys who dress better this time. Stevie didn't seem to understand that! He has a giant owl feather or something hanging off the back of his cowboy hat! And what's up with the yellow shirt? It looks like he stole the raincoat from the Morton Salt girl! And he's got about a half dozen bandanas hanging off his neck! I think he got the wool sweater thing from the Indian Reservation guys from the last time! Dad, I'm beginning to wonder about YOUR fashion sense a little!
Who could blame you, Maria? Anyway, let's see if our next guy can turn it around. So did you like Stevie Ray Vaughan's song, Maria?
Sure, I guess, but I can think of a guy named Stevie with a W that I like better!
You mean this guy?
Well, Stevie Wonder is amazing! He can do all that music and he can't even see! And the fashion was a bit better, too! At least I like this blue and silver outfit better than Stevie Ray the Morton Salt Girl! But can you find a band that knows how to dress properly?
How about a band that starts with X that wears tuxedos?
Tuxedos, Dad? Show it to me!
Here you go, Maria. It's XTC, with:
Those aren't tuxedos, Dad! Those are waiter uniforms! But they do look respectable, except there's one thing I don't get -- by being in that Moonwalk jumpy thing they seem like well-dressed kindergarteners, but they're singing about Generals and Majors. I don't think any schools would except Generals and Majors for kindergarteners, and they sure don't serve gun salads in the cafeteria at my school! The cooks would have to drop and give 100!
I have no idea what that was about, Maria, although I was pretty sure I saw Colonel Mustard in there somewhere. Anyway, should we move on to Y?
Yes, Y. Why?
Y not! Why are you holding out on Y?
I'd better pick something before this turns into an Abbott and Costello bit. How about the Yardbirds:
Dad, I felt over under sideways down trying to watch that Abbott and Costello bit! But that sounds like a good dance, too! Maybe a limbo thing, too! Over the stick, under the stick, sideways near the stick and pull the stick down! That would be fun! Might have to try that for my birthday party in a few months!
You know, Maria, we're just about out of letters here.
Yeah, it's been so long that I feel like a Zombie!
So do these guys:
She may not be there, but there sure were a lot of other screaming girls there! But don't bother trying to find them, they're not there! They're in their 50s! And now they definitely have to color their hair!
You're probably right, Maria. So did you like any of these songs?
Well, sure. But what I want to know is what song everyone else likes! So isn't it time to vote? Let's get with it, people! Pick your favorite in the comments section!
Fearless Maria has spoken, y'all.