Thursday, November 19, 2009

Guilty Pleasures Part Fifty-Eight -- Radio Free Fearless Maria

Hello. This is Fearless Maria. It's almost time for the holidays, but the dumb artists don't seem to have made a lot of music about Thanksgiving.

There are a lot of turkeys in the music business, Maria.

I thought there were turkeys in bowling!

We're almost being overrun by turkeys, it would appear. Kinda like these guys.

Dad, I thought we did music on Guilty Pleasures, not weird quotes from old t.v. shows!

Good point, Maria. So what should we do tonight?

Well, I was thinking we could do something like a combination between Guilty Pleasures and that dumb Radio Free Dilettante thing that you post for no reason at all.

Oh, I have my reasons, Maria.

Well, one thing I know -- you have a lot of music, Dad!

True -- probably about 8000 songs, last time I checked.

Well, can you spare five of them for a Radio Free Fearless Maria (RFFM)?

Sure. Do you want to hit the shuffle button?

No, I don't want to hit the shuffle button. I'd rather listen to Hannah Montana than some of the weird old stuff you have, or can I just reject the bad stuff?

You're driving this thing, Maria. You do what you want.

Okay. Oopsie! I just broke the mouse! Just kidding. So what comes up first on this thing? Let's see.... Okay, I'll let this one go. It's the Beatles!

Dad, is this one of those couple hundred Beatles songs that has to do with love?

That topic did seem to interest them, Maria.

Okay. Well at least the Beatles tend to be more respectable looking than some of those other weird guys you've shown me, like Al Green in the disco lifeguard suit. So the Beatles are okay with me!

Glad you approve. Let's hit the shuffle and see what comes up next.

Okay. Rejected. Rejected. Rejected. Definitely rejected. Dad, you've really got to get rid of that "Have a Nice Decade" thing. Okay, let's try this one:

So who is this John Fogerty guy, Dad? Is he even important enough to have a Wikipedia page?

Yes, he is, Maria. He ran a really good band called Creedence Clearwater Revival back in the late 1960s and the song you picked came out around 1985.

He's that old? So he's an old Fogerty, then! The song is okay. But does he really need 300 other guitar players on the stage with him? He must really need a big extension cord to plug in all those amps!

I don't think he's too worried about electricity costs, Maria.

Well, let's see what comes up next, Dad. Okay, this one's okay. It's Chuck Berry!

Dad, there is a problem here. All his other guys in the band look okay, but Chuck must have gone to the city dump to get that shirt! I think it looks like that shirt got thrown away a few times before Chuck found it!

I think the orange pants are a nice touch, too.

Dad, I think it looks his pants are made of wrapping paper! At least Mr. Berry was recycling!

Yes, I think he was. Shall we move on?

Sure. Rejected. Rejected. Hmm, reasonable. Let's try this one:

Dad, why does it look like they're singing on a gigantic beach towel? Or did they borrow some wrapping paper from Chuck Berry to use as wallpaper?

Not sure. That song was on an album called Parallel Lines and I guess the black and white stripes were supposed to be parallel lines.

Either that or they want to be NFL referees? Do you think that Blondie could do that? I kinda doubt it, Dad!

Not sure. I guess it could be an illegal procedure.

So was that joke, Dad. Now, let me see what else you've got. Okay, this next one will work. It's the Extremes, I mean the Supremes!

I don't know where their love went for sure, but it probably got lost in their hair! What's up with the B-52 hairdos, Dad? Those things were huge!

That was the style, believe it or not.

So that was in the 60s, right Dad?


So shouldn't those have been called B-62s or something?

Well, I think they were also called beehive hairdos, too.

Well, then in their song they should have mentioned honey, not baby! Or are they also called crib hairdos?

Not that I know, Maria.

Well, you know what I know? It's time to vote, people! Pick your favorite in the comments section. And I promise I won't reject your vote. If I do, don't feel offended, though. I'm sure that I like you better than I like the guy who sang "Chevy Van."

I think we can all agree on that, Maria.


Night Writer said...

Umm, yeah...parallel lines, that's the ticket.

Mrs. D said...

First of all, Fearless Maria, thanks for doing what I do when I have to listen to Dad's MP3 player - lots of rejecting and moving on to the next song! Second, I think that Chuck Berry got those pants from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

my name is Amanda said...

Hmm, at first I was going to ask Fearless Maria if it would be okay to include the rejected songs in the vote, but then throwing De La Soul in there just seemed like it would make it too hard to pick - in a post where I already have to choose between The Supremes and Blondie! And that's hard. But, I have to vote for "Where Did Our Love Go," because that song is just enchanting. And there are better Blondie songs.