Victory Speech - Updated

We were going to do a press conference, but it was obvious from the get-go that being elected Mayor of the MOB isn't really news. And staging a press conference did present the remote yet uncomfortable possibility that some leftyblogger might actually show up at my house. That would likely disturb my neighbors and would be rediculous. So here's my speech:

Thanks to everyone for your support. It reflects two things -- that you might have actually enjoyed something you read here; and your evident good taste in rejecting the other candidates. That is the greatest victory, of course. It's also a sign of your courage, since Ecker is heavily armed.

What is my goal for my tenure as MOB Mayor? To endure as much ridicule as possible. And to encourage all MOB bloggers to write as much as they can. Unlike my predecessor, the honorable J. Roosh, I will keep writing. We need all bloggers to be writing as much as they can. Even dashed off tripe can add to the debate, as this blog has proved conclusively for the past six years.

We will have more to say at the MOB Party, which will take place on Saturday, Feb. 25 at Ol' Mexico in Roseville. In the meantime, my chief of staff Fearless Maria is in charge of processing applications for the various lucrative patronage positions that are now available. Know that the following positions are already filled:

• Master of Sausages
• Shadowy out-of-state operative
• Moribund burgermeister
• Secretary of State for Life

Everything else is up for grabs. And if nothing else, we can trust on everyone to be grabby.

Update (01/23/12). We have added two additional positions to the team:

• Poet Laureate
• Gluten Addiction Czar/Wielder of Occam's Razor

Watch this space for additional updates.