MOB Mayoral Debate -- Answer to Question Two

As alert readers of this feature have noted, I am a reluctant but dedicated candidate for the office of Mayor of the MOB. Secretary of State for Life Learned Foot has posed the following two part question for the ongoing debate:

The once stalwart Nihilist in Golf Pants blog has devolved into a cheap (and bad) sports betting advice site. Please answer both of the following:

1) What do you think are the causes of its decline?

2) Would you use the MOB Mayor's power of eminent domain to take the blog? If so, how would you rehabilitate the property, or to what new use would you put it?

First, a general comment. Foot is, unfortunately, correct in his assessment. NIGP, once one of the glories of the MOB, is now the online equivalent of Block E, circa 1985, except without the drink specials at Moby Dick's. In fact, one might argue that NIGP is a desolate as Block E, circa 2012, but that would be uncharitable. The roster of bloggers at NIGP is strikingly similar to the roster of bloggers at the more sprightly Fraters Libertas, which actually has drink specials most weeks. One might surmise that it's simply a case of talented bloggers moving to a more fashionable address, but Occam's Razor doesn't always cut it. So for the first part of the answer, we need to channel the spirit of NIGP and offer the:

Top 11 Reasons Nihilist in Golf Pants Has Declined

11. Gary Miller's dire Facebook warnings concerning the dangers of fiat currency led NIGP staff to implement a vigorish-based hedge fund strategy

10. It can now be revealed -- NIGP is a nom de plume for USA Today oddsmaking whiz Danny Sheridan

9. Recurring nightmares of Bob Davie Era have sapped writer's will to live

8. Assigned duties as Chad the Elder's chauffeur and lackey take up valuable writing time

7. Fellow blogger and mail order bride "Wintryminx" arrived postage due, causing significant cash flow issue

6. Tired of being told blog "couldn't carry Mitch Berg's jockstrap"

5. Failed merger with with MinnPost drained valuable resources and led to punitive legal fees

4. Corrosive effects of Nick Coleman's withering scorn

3. Too busy watching "American Idol" with Bogus Doug, or whatever she is now

2. Gave up hope after getting ass kicked in prognostications by a sophomore at Irondale

1. Extensive volunteer efforts on behalf of Romney campaign leave no time for frivolity

Now, on to Part Two. The question, as you might recall is:

2) Would you use the MOB Mayor's power of eminent domain to take the blog? If so, how would you rehabilitate the property, or to what new use would you put it?

Given the unfettered powers given to governments in the Kelo decision, any potential mayor would have little choice but to take action against this blighted internet property. Given the state of decline involved, a full-blown rehabilitation may be impossible, but a repurposing definitely seems in order. Herewith,

Top 11 Proposed Uses for Repurposed Nihilist in Golf Pants Blog


11. Drab, all-black color scheme makes ideal pairing with Minneapolis Armory for enhanced "Vikings Fan Experience" package for proposed downtown Minneapolis Vikings stadium

10. Potential merger candidate with long-lamented former MOB favorite Mobange!

9. Holding pen for Michael Brodkorb

8. Testimonial site for St. Louis Park Pannekoeken Huis

7. Cut blog into clay pigeons, award as prize to perennial MOB Mayor also-ran Kevin Ecker

6. Website home of annual Andee Applecowski Spelling Bee

5. Racino!

4. Continuous video loop of Powerline's John Hinderaker doing dramatic reading of "Winthrop Thorpe Tortuga" chapter from Garrison Keillor's 1993 opus The Book of Guys

3. Virtual reality simulation of Pamida Store #117 in Loogootee, Indiana

2. OTB!

1. Hamper for Mitch Berg's jockstrap, thus refuting assertion in Item# 6 in first part of question

In conclusion, I would like to add that this response is 100% Sisyphus-free. Until the last sentence, that is. Good evening.