Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Beast Mode Edition

Hi everyone. I'm throwing the old dude a bone tonight, because his Milwaukee Brewers actually won a playoff series. Did you say playoffs?

Yes. I did say playoffs, young fella.

That was hard for me to choke off, old dude! I suppose I could be gracious about your Brewers, if there was a reason to be gracious, but darned if I can't think of one!

I'll just bask in your scorn, Seabiscuit.

The Brewers need to bring back Ned "The Dead" Yost as their manager. And that's all I have to say about that. Meanwhile, we have some football to pick. And even though the Badgers are taking the week off so they can get a running start in their big matchup against, uh, Indiana, there's still plenty of opportunities for HYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPPE! So watch me work.

Minnesota Golden Gaffers (+12) vs. Purdon't Boilermakers. Okay, so I thought I'd be nice to the Gophers in respect for the health problems of their coach, Jerry Kill. But the Gophers were absolutely road kill of the worst sort last week at Michigan. I mean, 58-0? Really? Seriously? You cannot be serious! I'd award a point against Mr. McEnroe for that, but the Gophers are not the pits of the world. Then again, that doesn't mean they can beat Purdue in West Lafayette, the garden spot of the Big Ten. Boilermakers 10, Pesky Gophers 7.

Hmm. So suddenly the Gophers are going to play defense? In a game against Purdue? I went to a Gopher/Purdue game the year you were born, young fella and the final score was 59-58. That's the way these teams roll when the play against one another. And the Gophers certainly seem capable of giving up 58 points. After all, they did it last week. Purdue 38, Gophers 20.

Ohio State NCAA Compliance Poster Children (+11) vs. Nebraska Cornhuskas. Well, I guess Nebraska won't be too happy this week, considering the epic beatdown they took in Madison against our beloved Wisconsin Badgers. Nebraska got served! Now, can they serve the Buckeyes? Maybe. The Buckeyes continue to be in the news for NCAA violations, while Nebraska sits in their weight room, pumping iron and nursing grievances. This may not be the happiest road trip that Luke Fickell has endured. It seems like Ohio State almost has to win, especially with Wisconsin coming up in a couple of weeks. Nebraska also has to win. So, who wins? Well, that's why you read this blog post -- because you deserve the best, the wisdom of the Benster. Blackshirts 28, Tattoo U 17.

That's pretty sly, young fella, comparing OSU to a Stones album from the early 80s. The thing is, when you start Nebraska up they might never stop. Look for Taylor Martinez to come back strong and angry, too. Nebraska 31, OSU 14.

Oklahoma Boomer Sooners (-10 1/2) vs. Texas Longhorns, at Dallas. It's the Red River Rivalry, as fought out near the Texas State Fairgrounds. Will these teams remain conference rivals? Or will the Sooners carry out their cunning plans to join the MIAC? Gustavus turns its lonely eyes to you, whoo whoo whoo. And if the Eyes of Texas are upon YOU, old dude, you might want to change that shirt. Mack Brown will NOT approve of your attire, mister! Boomer Esiason 56, Texas 49.

Mack Brown won't like that score much, either. But it could happen. Oklahoma can score in bunches. I like the Sooners, too. Oklahoma 35, Texas 31.

Glorious Green Bay Packers (-6) vs. Hotlanta Dirty Birds. No love for the Falcons from Vegas, huh? The last time the Packers entered the building, Elvis left, as did the pride of Atlanta and probably a few other things we won't mention, because we run a nice, decent, family-friendly blog around here, despite the old dude's tendency to start cussing when his Brewers try to kick away the lead in the 9th inning. Right, old dude? Anyway, I digress. The Packers have an even better offense now than they did when they blew out the Falcons in January. Jermichael Finley is ALWAYS in Beast Mode. I don't care what that Tony Plush dude says -- if you want a beast, look for #88 in the green jersey. Packers 51, Falcons 17.

If I thought Green Bay could play defense, I'd support that score, grasshopper. At this point the Packers are so good offensively that they can overcome a lot of mistakes. But I'm afraid this team is turning into the 21st Century version of Air Coryell. A little defense please, fellas? Packers 38, Atlanta 35.

Arizona Cardinals (+2 1/2) vs. Minnesota McNabbs. Well, you know what happens whenever the Cardinals and the Vikings get together, right? We have to pull this old chestnut out, right? A magic moment. So, what about this year? So far, the Vikings have been bringing the fail in buckets. And if they can't beat the Cardinals, who only have Larry Fitzgerald and a bunch of dudes that would be lucky to play in the Arena league, then there's really no hope for the Vikes. So, can they right the ship? Or is it the Love Boat? Somewhere, Fred Smoot ponders the question. But we won't see Christian Ponder. NOOOOOOOOOO! 17, Holy Angels Alumni Association 13.

That's a lot of references, Seabiscuit! I am disappointed that you somehow left out Onterrio "Steal of the Draft" Smith and the "Whizzinator" out of that paragraph, but I suppose we need to save a few for later. I think the Vikings will win, too. If not, their next game might be against the Hamilton Tiger-Cats. Vikings 23, Cardinals 17.

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+5 1/2) vs. Detroit Lions. So, old dude, is the Curse of Bobby Layne finally gone? Do the Lions really have a team that's a contender? Or is this just a September mirage? We'll start to find out in this game, because da Bearz are in town and they really need a win to keep pace in the division. Gino is worried that his 2011 NFC North Championship t-shirt is going to get tattered, or given to kids in Mauritania or someplace where they give the shirts that they can't sell. Lions 20, da Bearz 10.

Gino, you get a little love from me. I think the Bears are going to win this one. Why? Who knows. But if anyone can figure out how to slow down Calvin Johnson, it's the Bears. Chicago 24, Detroit 20.

We'll let the old dude enjoy his Brewers for a little bit, but reality is coming to slap him upside the head soon enough. Ben out!