Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Lord I Can't Go Back There Edition

Yep. It's that time again. The Indiana Hoosiers are coming back to Madison. Time to bust out the R. Dean Taylor! Here he is on Top of the Pops!

 We're doing our picks a little early because I have things to do this weekend. Well, it's camping, actually. I have to demonstrate my mad Boy Scout skills to the young scouts who might be joining my troop from Cub Scouts later this year. What I don't know is if Lord Baden-Powell ever felt the HYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPE!

The British are somewhat reserved that way, young fella.

Yeah, but R. Dean Taylor made Top of the Pops, as the link proves. So they must be able to recognize crappy music when they hear it! But that's not why you're here, now is it? You are looking for some genius football picks. Well, then, watch me work!

Indiana Hoosiers (+40) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers. Now, old dude, I remember last year, when you offered all manner of ridicule at my pick of the Badgers winning by a score of 70-0. Now, as it happened, the final score was, ahem, 83-20. I can check it, but I think you picked the score to be something like 45-17. And even Fearless Maria cast doubt on it. But who was right? Yes, I was right? And so now we are back and this time Vegas seems to understand that butt-kicking is on the agenda yet again. I am reasonably sure that Indiana lost a game this year to North Texas. About the only thing I know about North Texas is that it's in North Texas. But it's not in the Big Ten. And it's hard to argue that Indiana is in the Big Ten, either, even if they have a place at the table. Bucky 100, Lord I Can't Go Back There 0.

I won't say that's impossible this time. But I think that Bret Bielema may let Russell Wilson have the second half off. I would imagine that the Badgers will have scored 35-40 points by then. It's gonna be ugly, I agree. Wisconsin 56, Indiana 10.

Meeshegan Wolverines (+2) vs. Sparty the Spartan. It's the battle of Michigan! I'm interested in this game because the Badgers have to travel to East Lansing soon and this one will be a good way to measure how good the Spartans actually are. They got hosed last year, because they had a good argument for going to a BCS game. Of course, they got drilled in the Capitol One Bowl, but maybe they would have done better in the USA Prime Credit Bowl. No one is confusing Denard Robinson with Peggy, though. Leonidas 35, M Go Blue 31.

Not sure what to make of this one. Both teams have had their moments this year, but both have also looked pretty ordinary at times. I think Denard Robinson has something extra this time. Michigan 35, Michigan St. 27.

Minnesota McNabbs (+3) vs. Bear Down Chicago da Bearz. I checked on it, just to be sure. Jay Cutler is still standing this week, even though he was hit approximately 3,741 times against the Lions last weekend. I was watching the game and I swear that random fans were lining up at defensive tackle and beating the Bears offensive line off the ball. At this rate Jay should open a pinata company and he can be the spokesman. Now he gets a dose of Jared Allen, who seems to be overcoming his mullet issue and is leading the NFL in sacks. I think the Bears should go out and get Allen "Swinging Gate" Barbre, who let Allen hit Aaron Rodgers about 40-50 times in 2009. He'd fit right in. Vikes 10, da Bearz 7.

Two words, Seabiscuit. Matt Forte. He will carry the Bears to victory this week. And expect the drumbeat for Christian Ponder to get even louder next week. The one way to keep Jay Cutler upright is to let him hand the ball to a guy who expects to get hit. And even though Mike Martz may be the most stubborn guy in the world, he'll figure this one out. Bears 24, Vikings 16.

St. Louis Mutton (+15) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. I was really impressed with the way the Packers responded in the second half last week against Atlanta. To shut down a good team in their own building and score 25 points while doing it -- that's impressive. But there is one thing that bothers me. Chad Clifton is out for a long time and I have bad memories of the last time that happened. Not that St. Louis can do much about it, of course. Good teams will, though. And there are a few good teams on the schedule in the coming weeks. Packers 40, St. Louis 24.

From what I can tell, St. Louis is a very bad team. The Packers are a very good team. I agree with the young fella that there are games ahead that will be tough. But this won't be one of them. Packers roll. Green Bay 38, St. Louis 13.

San Francisco 49ers (+4 1/2) vs. Detroit Lions. I guess we can't make fun of the Lions any more, Decrepit! They appear to be a pretty good team, even if they still have the wimpiest uniforms in the league. I mean, Honolulu Blue? It's Detroit, man! Shouldn't the color be soot, or rust, or slag heap? It's like putting a ribbon on a cesspool! But enough ranting on uniforms. It's the guys in the uniforms that matter, and Detroit has some good ones. Especially that Megatron guy, Calvin Johnson, who has already caught 294 touchdown passes this season. I think that's a new record. I might be exaggerating the total a bit, but I rely on ESPN for a lot of my numbers and they tend to be a little excitable at times. Lions 27, Niners 24.

I am surprised at how well the 49ers are doing -- they are now 4-1 and they absolutely crushed Tampa Bay last week. Are they good enough to win in Detroit? I don't think so, although as a Packer fan I'd sure appreciate it if they did. It is possible that the Lions and the Packers could meet on Thanksgiving Day with both teams being undefeated, or 9-1. For once the game won't be a turkey. Lions 31, 49ers 21.

A little housekeeping -- if you were expecting a Gophers pick, they cleverly decided a way not to lose this week. They have a bye. Good thinking, Coach Kill! A few more weeks of this stuff and we may have to pull out the Jerry the Cable Guy jokes again. Consider yourself on notice there, Coach. Ben out!