You unleash the HYYYYYYPPPPPE! at the drop of a hat, of course.
That's part of my charm, Geritol Fan!
Oh, so that's what they're calling it these days. Good to know!
Look, I've had quite enough of your elderly snarkiness. Watch me work!
Baltimore Ravens (+9.5) vs. Denver Broncos. Well, a lot of people think that Denver's going to win. It's not surprising that they feel this way, since the Broncos haven't lost since October, or something like that. I think the last time the Broncos were losing, we even were paying attention to Mitt Romney. Does anybody remember Mitt Romney? I remember Mitt Romney! But if you want to know about politics, check with Captain Ed or Brad. Or maybe even the old dude once in a while. The Broncos have just too good of a passing game -- in fact, Peyton Manning and Eric Decker led my fantasy team to many, many victories. Broncos 38, Ravens 17.
Wow, 38 points? In what could be the last game for Ray Lewis? Hmmm. I think Denver's gonna win, too, but they won't get 38 points. As for Ray Lewis -- nice career. Stay away from the knife fights, okay? Denver 31, Baltimore 20.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+3) vs. San Francisco 49ers. Well, we get a rematch with our old friend Jim Harbaugh, who won't get the benefit of the replacement refs this time. No, I'm not talking about anything involving Golden Taint -- that's a different matter. I'm sure that the Vikings fans who regularly read this feature remember that the replacement refs gave Harbaugh about 34 challenges and 192 timeouts when they came to the Metrodome. And the 49ers still couldn't beat the Vikings! One thing I've noticed is that teams are struggling to counter DuJuan Harris, the pint-sized Packer running back sensation who they pulled off a car lot. He gets better mileage than anything he was attempting to sell. One good thing that is going the Packers' way is that stopping Joe Webb was good practice for dealing with Colin Kaepernick, the 49er quarterback with the Bible verses tattooed all over his arms. This guy can really run and has a decent arm, but teams have now had a chance to study his tricks and it seems like he's been getting less and less out of his runs in recent games. The Seahawks stopped him completely, and even the woeful Arizona Cardinals did fairly well against him. Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers returns to his home state and his healthy grudge against the 49ers, who blew him off in the draft back in 2005. Here's a tip, guys -- don't make Aaron Rodgers want to beat you. Also, Jerry Rice still fumbled the football. Packers 28, 49ers 26.
First, let's remind everyone what the Benster is talking about:
This was the 1998 playoffs and there's no question that Jerry Rice fumbled that day. No replay in those days, though, so the Packers ended up losing the game, which ended the Mike Holmgren era. We're now a long ways away from those days, but back in San Francisco. These teams have played a lot over the years and the games have generally been very good. This one will be, too. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to be very good tomorrow. But I'm afraid that the 49ers are a bad matchup, given their physicality. I hope I'm wrong, but: 49ers 28, Packers 26.
Old dude, hang your head in shame! Meanwhile, back to work.
Seattle Seabags (+2.5) vs. Hotlanta Dirty Birds. Well, this one is interesting. The Falcons are again the #1 seed and again, they get less respect than this guy:
No, that's not actually Falcons coach Mike Smith, although it's possible to be confused by it. Look, the Falcons have a good team but the problem they have is that they are not a good playoff team. They were the #1 seed two years ago and my Packers went into the Georgia Dome and hung 48 points on them. The Seahawks are not intimidated. That's a scary thing. Seahawks 48, Falcons 21.
You're not gonna get a lot of love in the Buckhead with that pick, Grasshopper. I dunno -- the Falcons played very well at times this year, but they were kinda iffy down the stretch. The Seahawks are on a mission and that's a problem for Atlanta. Defense is the key and the Seahawks are better at it. Seattle 24, Atlanta 17.
Houston Texans (+9.5) vs. New England Belichicks. Houston, we have a problem. You were just up in New England a few weeks ago and you got crushed. Destroyed. Annihilated. Dominated. You know what -- it doesn't matter! The Patriots have not played for a week. And Houston played well last week in dispatching the Bengals. Now the Patriots in recent years have struggled to win playoff games at home, which is a bit odd, but there's a history and they have to be aware of it. Houston is also a dangerous team and they won't be happy about what happened to them last time. Houston 42, New England 17.
Didn't see that one coming. And you know what? I still don't see it. New England 34, Houston 24.
I'd like to give a shout-out to Fearless Maria -- her birthday is coming up on Tuesday and as annoying little sisters go, she's all right. Ben out!