Do you know what it's time for, Geritol Fan?
Not sure. But I'm guessing you'll clue me in.
It's time for some HYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPPPE! Time to pick some football! Still, I'm wondering about something. I noticed that the Vikings are on a bye already.
That's what my schedule says, too.
Old dude, doesn't it seem a little early for a bye week? Maybe not for you, because you're a big fan of naps and need plenty of rest.
Well, I'm old, you know.
That's true -- you're so old your cell phone has a carbon 14 clock.
Wise guy, eh? So are you interested in a half-life? I mean, that can be arranged.
Just kidding. So touchy. Look, this banter is good, but I have work to do. So watch me work!
Minnesota Golden Gophers (-3.5) vs. Purdon't Boilermakers. I don't know what happened to the Gophers last week, but they really got crushed at Northwestern. I was not surprised that Northwestern won, because Northwestern is a very tricky road trip. Purdue is a dumpster fire of a team, and of course you would think I would pick the desperate team right? Well, I never am as predictable as you would think. Purdue 28, Gophers 17.
It was a disheartening loss for the Gophers last week and I wonder if they made a mistake in taking the redshirt from Demry Croft. The Gophers kinda need to win this game, but Purdue gave Sparty a scare last week. I'm going with the Gophers on this one, but without much confidence. Gophers 17, Purdue 14.
Beloved Wisconsin Badgers (+1.5) vs. Nebraska Cornhuskers. Did someone forget to tell the Badgers offense about the game last week? That was horrible and made me embarrassed to be a fan of that team. Thankfully, the Badgers have owned Nebraska in recent years, and considering that Nebraska had the gall to dump a coach that had led them to consistent success for a coach from a weak sister team out west, I think history will repeat itself. Badgers 31, Nebraska 0.
This game looks better on paper than it probably will be on the field. Nebraska has not played well and the Badgers were unimpressive in losing to Iowa at home last week. Bucky needs to show more offense. I think they can handle this one. Wisconsin 28, Nebraska 24.
Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+8.5) vs. Kansas City Chiefs. The Bearz woke up last week at home. Now they go to a very tough venue -- Arrowhead Stadium. Jay actually looked decent, but it was against the Raiders. Kansas City is a good team and well coached. Wait, I hear a crazy guy coming in.
Well, Benster! You seem to forget that the Chiefs are going to be very good. There is not a lot wrong with the Chiefs. Even though I retired after many years of yelling at them and questioning them, I still believe in them. Alex Smith is looking better, and this is why you must be a Kansas fan. You wear that shirt all the time and your mom was right about bugging you! This might be the greatest win in recent Chiefs History! This is Jack Harry!
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| Time for a Jack Smack. Nice lips, by the way |
I am sorry for that. Jack Harry must be bored in his retirement. What is it with me and interruptions? First I have some guy named Johnny, then Peyton Manning, and now Jack "The Best Sportscaster Ever" Harry come in. Jack looks like he's been mainlining lemons. I really ought to look at improving the security around here -- at a minimum, I might want to get a velvet rope or something. By the Way, What's Wrong With the Chiefs? 83, Fire John Fox 0.
Well, that escalated quickly. Hmm. 83-0? Uh, no. First of all, shall we praise Jay Cutler? He actually played pretty well last week. This is a tough game, though, and the Chiefs are a desperate team at home. If the Bears can hold down Jamaal Charles, they will have a chance to steal one. I say they beat the spread -- Chiefs 31, Bears 24.
Arizona Cardinals (-2.5) vs. Detroit Lions. No Vikings this week, so let's pay attention the Motor City Kitties. This team is very much the team I wanted to think would take the step with the Vikings to a real contender, and Detroit is making me look bad. If the Benster asks for a favor, then you had better deliver. Arizona is a tough team and they will give Seattle a run for their money in the NFC West. I said last year that they could have played in the Super Bowl. I stand by that, considering that Larry Fitzgerald has looked very good this year, and Carson Palmer has many similarities to a certain ex-grocery store worker who found himself in the desert. I think Arizona is going to play a part in the Green Bay Revenge Tour 2015. Raising Arizona 56, LOLions 0.
The Cardinals are a good team and will be angry after losing to the Rams, but this game is pretty much the season for the Lions. 0-5 will not get it done. The problem seems to be on the lines -- it's easy to talk about the loss of Ndamukong Suh, but the real problem the Lions have is on the offensive line, where they are getting no pass protection and Matthew Stafford is getting crushed. I used to think Stafford was a bit of a hothouse flower, but you can't question his toughness this year. It can't last, though. And the Cardinals defense is nasty. Cardinals 31, Lions 21.
St. Louis Rams (+8.5) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. We used to call the Rams the Sheep, but they aren't very sheep-like any more. They have a very dangerous player in Tavon Austin, who can change the game in an instant. The Packers typically win at home, and the team is discovering an identity. As much as I think that St. Louis is a possible contender, Lambeau is a place where ghosts come out. Believe me, I have been there and you feel the ghosts. Maybe the Rams could feel the ghosts at the Rose Bowl soon, or perhaps near the Forum, if you know what I mean. Just ask the ghost of Georgia Frontiere. Packers 35, Georgia Frontiere 32.
This game does concern me, because the Rams can rush the passer. It looks like the Packers are going to get Bryan Bulaga back, which should help keep Aaron Rodgers upright. I suspect the Rams will take a few chances -- watch for a fake punt or something like that, a Jeff Fisher specialty. A good test for the improved Packers special teams. And another win at Lambeau. Packers 31, Rams 17.
Don't worry, Vikings fans! We'll be happy to discuss your latest failure next week! Ben out!
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