The Return of Guilty Pleasures -- Fearless Maria Takes You Back to the Future

Well, lookee here! Who is that?

Hi! It's me! Fearless Maria! No, I have returned from the war! It was a long, long, war, fighting against the citizens of the far off galaxy known as Adolescence! Or maybe it was the Broken Arrow Marching Band!

I'm so glad to see you again, gracing this space, Miss Maria!

And I'm glad to be back. Things were getting a little too dry over here, anyway!

So, when we last did one of these, you were still in middle school. What's going on now?

Just like in the 17th Century in England, I had a Great Awakening! Looking back on these posts, I complained about homework then. So just imagine how it is for me now! That, the war, and my part-time shift at Darboy Fried Chicken, and I have no time! I'm trying to feed my kids! I need an increase in the minimum wage!

You're making some of that up, I think.

Just a few details. Or most of them! But I want to talk about music again!

Sounds good to me. What great, overarching theme have you selected for us today?

Well, as you all probably saw on social media yesterday, it was Back to the Future Day, the day that the characters supposedly arrived in the future! I'm still looking for my floating skateboard! And where's the DeLorean, Dad? You know I've got my permit!

Maybe we'll start with something with a little less horsepower than a DeLorean, Maria.

Fine, fine, fine. Lord knows, we need to get something kick started, because it's been at least two years since we've done one of these! So let's go Back to the Future! We'll set the Wayback Machine to 1955. What do you got, Daddy-O, from your freshman year?

I'm not that old.

So you say. Suuuurrrre.

Okay, let's consider this one, from a certain gentleman from Tennessee:

Well, I'm a little rusty in my critiques, but give me a moment to oil the machine that is my genius! And please, be sure to step away at least fifty feet and don't touch the other artifacts in the hall! And no flash photography!

Uh, Maria?

Yes, Dad?

If they step back fifty feet, how are they going to read the blog?

Laser vision! Try to keep up! At least try, Dad! Anyways, for the critique of the song -- you can tell just by the lamentation of the lyrics and the tastefully placed finger snaps, this was truly a keystone of the era! However, I do have to comment on the clarinet riffs. I have a number of friends that play clarinet and let me tell you, they don't owe their souls to the company store! They also play with better tone projection! But perhaps that's because ol' Tennessee Ernie was trying to be all egocentric and kept them behind the curtain! No respect for the musicians!

Well, he was the headliner.

Yeah, but if we're talking about headliners, do all those people do all that stuff? We see Obama in the headlines, but can he play a clarinet riff? I doubt it! And that smirky Joe Biden guy is no better, either. He probably chipped the reed on his giant teeth and now he can't be a model for Colgate any more!

Well, he'll need to figure out something, I guess. Needless to say, I love "Sixteen Tons," which is an eternal classic, but maybe it's due for a remake with an oboe.

We need to give the woodwinds the respect they deserve! What's next, Daddy-O?

Let's return to the infancy of rock and roll:

Wow, check out the plaid tuxedo! Bill Haley must have been foreshadowing the future wardrobe stylings of  the 1970s! Maybe he was even Herb Tarlek's dad!

My favorite part is the greasy cowlick hair.

Sadly, that's kinda coming back a little bit now, although any time I see one of the kids at my high school wearing that I'm afraid that President Obama is going to declare an environmental emergency and send FEMA out to clean it up!

That would explain the faint sound of sirens I seem to hear all the time.

We like to keep it fresh at Irondale. What a great honor it is to be able to witness the prenatal birth pangs of the rock and roll era!

Yep -- that's where it began. Now, let's move on the year of the original Back to the Future movie, 1985. The technology had started to change and we saw this groundbreaking video:

Wow, Dad! Did you hear that high note in the chorus? Did they cut out the scene in this video where they had an animated cattle prod?

Oh, I sincerely hope so, Maria.

In all honesty, I did think the animation was pretty cool. I would bet that was a lot of work back then. I also definitely approve of the message of falling in love with animated fictional characters. Let me tell you -- I've seen the field and these days, we're not exactly in the prime, so sometimes you gotta turn to the fantasy world.

So you're saying the pickings are a little slim at the ol' high school?

Well, I'd better consult my attorney before I answer any further questions on the matter, dear father.

Probably wise. Meanwhile, we heard this one in the movie:

The Power of Love seems to have short circuited on this one! It's an okay song, but I wouldn't say it was particularly Newsworthy!

Very nice. We interrupt this Guilty Pleasures for the following:

Hey, you laughed! Since when have you become such a critic, oh King Daddy of Punsterville? I have inherited much of my pun wisdom from you, but I really hope to overcome that. Anyway, are we ready to move on the future that is cleverly disguised as today?

Sure. But why don't you introduce these, since I've been a refugee from popular culture since the late 80s:

Sure thing. Try this:

This is "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon:

It's pretty peppy. Maybe even zippy!

You're supposed to be in the future! What's up with the Depression-era adjectives?

I don't know. I assume the DeLorean hit a pothole on the space-time continuum. Actually, it's quite pleasant the video is entertaining. And I didn't hear any AutoTune. Works for me!

All right, glad you liked that one. Next on DJ Fearless Radio, let's try this chart-topper by the alternative group Fall Out Boy -- this is "Uma Thurman":

Uma Thurman? That sounds like the Munsters! Thank you for clearing up a mystery I've had for weeks -- I've been hearing that Munsters riff around and had no idea why I was hearing it! I was afraid that we were in the middle of an endless Munsters reunion. As for the song itself, it's an interesting pastiche. And if you want to dance like Uma Thurman, you need to do this:

Well, even though the Uma Thurman song is popular with my generation, I'm not sure any of them would do the twist, even to an old Chuck Berry song. But that song brings us almost all the way back to 1955, so we've come full circle, folks! Let's pick your favorite Guilty Pleasure and put it in the comments section! Your choices are:

"Sixteen Tons," Tennessee Ernie Ford
"Rock Around the Clock," Bill Haley and His Comets
"Take On Me," A-Ha
"The Power of Love," Huey Lewis and the News
"Shut Up and Dance," Walk the Moon
"Uma Thurman," Fall Out Boy
"You Never Can Tell," Chuck Berry

I'm glad you're back, Fearless Maria.

I am, too. We need music around here! Now vote, people!