Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends. I am the Benster, and once again I have brought out the Mr. D for Decrepit to pick the games.
Well Sparky, how did we do last week? Or would you prefer not to review the carnage?
Okay. Decrepit went 6-0 and I went, uh, 4-2.
Old dudes are wise, grasshopper.
Well, don't forget that I torched you in fantasy football!
There's little chance that I'll forget that, since you bring it up every 20 minutes or so. But anyway, don't we have some games to pick, Seabiscuit?
We do. Let's get to it, Dad!
California Bears (-14) vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers. Well, I have to say that I don't like the Gophers' chances in this one, because the Pac-10 is a strong conference in my opinion and Adam Weber is going to open up a can of Fail. Cal 31, Goldy 21.
Hmmm. I don't think Adam Weber is going to be the issue this week. The question is whether the Gopher defense can stop Cal's offense. I doubt they can, but the 14 point spread seems a bit high to me as well. Think it will be a wild one. Cal 42, Minnesota 31.
Wofford Terriers (NL) vs. Wisconsin Badgers. I don't even know where Wofford is. And I don't even know if they are in Division 1-A, or the FBS or whatever the heck they are calling it now. Time to cage the Terrier. Bucky 56, Wofford 3.
Well, let's find out where Wofford College is. According to the Google, it's located in Spartanburg, SC. Their enrollment is around around 1,500 students, which makes it smaller than most of the schools in the Twin Cities, including Macalester, St. Thomas, St. Catherine and potentially Lakeland Dental Academy. The Badgers should really be ashamed of scheduling this school. But Brett Bielema has no shame. Next year the Badgers should schedule a larger, more formidable foe. Like Eden Prairie High School, for example. Wisconsin 42, Wofford 14.
Michigan State Spartans (+5) vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish. I think this is going to be a good game. I saw a bit of the Irish last week and they looked pretty good, even though they lost to Michigan. But I think Sparty is going to win. Sparty 22, Notre Dame 21.
Interesting pick, young man. I think ND is the better team and they are at home. Michigan State is the same as they always seem to be -- talented, yet very erratic. You really shouldn't lose a game to the Central Michigan Chippewas, but that is what the Spartans did last week. Until Sparty figures out their running game, they will be a bit short. Notre Dame 31, Michigan State 17.
Minnesota Vikings (-10) vs. Detroit Lions. Okay, Detroit -- you got no defense to speak of. Drew Brees lit you up like a bonfire last week and the jury is still out on Matthew Stafford. I have to go with #4, as he breaks yet another record. Vikings 49, Lions 0.
So what did you say the name of the Lions quarterback was, Ben?
Matthew Stafford. Why?
Okay. For a minute I thought you meant this guy. Fortunately, he's been confined to Branson. The Lions might want to go to Branson, too, after they get their butts handed to them this week. I expect that the Vikings will score early and reasonably often in this one, though the one stud on the Lions, WR Calvin Johnson, will get a score or maybe two. Vikings 34, Lions 17.
Cincinnati Bungles (-9) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. Okay class, let's take a look at the Bungles offense. At quarterback we have Carson Palmer, who seems to get hurt. At running back, we have Bears retread Cedric Benson, who got in trouble with the league. And at wide receiver, we have Chad Ocho Cinco, who is the biggest headcase I've ever seen. Green Bay wins. Pack 31, Bungles 0.
The Bengals aren't too good. That's true. They aren't as inept as some other teams in the league, but they won't do too well in Lambeau. And if you need to bring in Cedric Benson, you have issues. They might have been better off bringing in Cedric the Entertainer, who at least is funny on purpose. Packers 27, Bengals 14.
Pittsburgh Stillers (-3) vs. Bear Down Chicago Bears. Okay Gino, we're going to throw you a bone and pick this game. It is going to be hard hitting. But I believe in the Steeler defense. Look for Jay Cutler to throw at least 2 more interceptions in this one. Steelers 10, Bears 7.
Da Bearz have issues. So do their fans, of course (just kidding, Gino!), but the biggest problem is that they lost Brian Urlacher for the season last week and they are still trying to get by with some gimpy defensive backs. I suspect the name you'll hear called on Sunday is Santonio Holmes. And I suspect that ol' Hub Arkush will be crying in his Old Style by the time this one is done. Steelers 24, Bears 13.
That's it for this week. And oh by the way Gino, Dad really didn't mean anything by the comment he made about Bears fans. Just because we root for different teams doesn't mean we can't all get along.
That's a truly noble sentiment, Ben! I'm proud of you! But we still need to give Gino a ration.